anxiety involving body image and grades

[elle64]

i attend high school and so body image and grades are prominent factors in my life currently in this day and age. i never used to feel this way about my body but as i grow older and become more and more infatuated with the things i am exposed to on social media, i can't help but automatically compare myself to the people i see and desperately want to change myself as a result of it. i always experience stress revolving around how i perceive myself physically and how much i hate myself. it has become such a focus in my everyday life and i constantly place my attention on how much i eat and how fat i am becoming.

in comparison, anxiety in school has always been a thing for me. ever since i was young however, grades have been a concept of great importance for me and i wonder whether i determine my self worth based on what i receive at school. whenever i don't do well at school, i am always deal with my supposed "failure" in punitive methods.

i'm so sick of determining self worth based on my body type and my achievements at school. but at the end of day, without being skinny or being smart, who am i? would anyone acknowledge me or think i'm special if i was mediocre and was fatter than i already am?

[quirkywords]

Elle welcome to the forum and well done for starting this thoughtful thread.

You write honestly and with insight and many including me can relate to your dilemma. My school times are long behind me but I can remember those pressures long before there was social media.

You realise the shallowness of the images you see but also know the pressure to conform.

I feel the answer is that people would still a knowledge you.

Can can you still achieve and be happy with your body without putting pressure on your self and having anxiety.
just from reading your words I can see someone who thinks, writes well and is vey aware of her social environment and all the pressures that involves.

I looked at a photo of myself when I was about your age and was surprised as I thought of myself as plump and plain and yet I saw this young woman who looked very healthy and happy.

There are threads on body image and young people that you and browse but putting the topic into the search box.

feel free to post when you like.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi elle64,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being here. It sounds like you've been dealing with this for a long time and I can see you have some great insight.

This is also such a great question, about who you might be if you're not skinny and smart - can I flip that right back at you? Your mother, your teacher, your friend?

One of my friends is not 'skinny', but my care factor there is 0, because I love her for who she is - the way that she can make me laugh, and the way that we can have a good time just sitting in the car, or the way she lets me cry on her shoulder and her on mine.

Your body size is not who you are Elle, not even a tiny bit of it- and I hope that by thinking of some of the people you care about you can see where I'm coming from. 🙂

rt

[Willow Jude]

Hi elle64! You've done a great job reaching out and for creating such an insightful, thoughtful, and eloquent post.

I wanted to offer my perspective as someone who can relate to your story. I felt defined by being 'smart' in high school, and the thought of not being able to live up to that expectation or ideal caused me a lot of anxiety. But I learnt not to let it define me, and I have found other, more important, things that help form my sense of identity. I now see myself as (and am fairly sure others see me as) someone who is loving, is generous, is considerate of others, loves to dance, loves dressing up, and much more. And yes, being 'smart' is still part of me, but in the way that I and my friends know that I love solving puzzles or am always down for a game of trivia, for example - it doesn't define me, and it doesn't matter to myself or anyone who cares about me what grades I got, whether I went to Uni or not, etc.

So please don't put too much pressure on yourself to be 'smart'. If your grades are not amazing, that's okay (as hard as that might be to come to terms with). Those close to you care about you, not your grades, and I'm sure people like your classmates and teachers aren't going to care about your academic performance as much as you fear they might. There are and will be other aspects of your identity, and you don't want to allow yourself to be defined by a single thing. Maybe there's qualities or passions you already hold that can contribute to your sense of self and how others see you, or maybe that's something you can start working on. I promise that there is hope, and that not living up to these perceived expectations does not change who you are, or mean you have 'failed'.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

I'm in my 40's so I won't profess to understand what it's like to be young in the age of social media. So this is just a suggestion, and perhaps an ill informed one. Is it possible to follow people that make you feel good, rather than bad? Or at the very least perhaps achieve some balance? From my own personal perspective, when I stopped looking at images that made me feel inferior, I stopped feeling so inferior, and was just able to enjoy myself without a constant comparison. That, or reduce the amount of time spent on social media - again, perhaps easier said than done 🙂

As for grades, there are plenty of people who have done well in life despite their schooling. I dunno, as a society I really think we put a lot of emphasis on the wrong attributes. Like others above have said - people who are kind, fun, make us laugh - are fabulous no matter how smart they are or what they look like.

Katy

[elle64]

hi Willow,

thanks so much for your response! it's great to see like minded people who went through the same struggles. on the topic of the passions, i am heavily involved in different activities and take pride in constantly improving and expressing myself through the things i love. i feel that this is definitely a breakaway from the tidal wave of pressure i put myself under academically.

i've also taken time to truly reflect on the source of my stress. you mentioned teachers and their perception of my grades. my teachers have amplified their views on my anxiety and when talking personally to a teacher last year about how the feelings i am experiencing, he stated that my teachers think i'm doing great and that this pressure is internalised. i think my brain has been deceptive in the way i imagine success and achieving what i deem greatness.

while i'm happy they i can form an understanding of my anxiety and acknowledge how unhealthy it really is, i struggle to gauge a reality where i am going to move past the troubles of my fixated perspectives and my ability to let the results of grades dictate how i live my life. do you have suggestions (apart from the helpful ones you have already stated) on how to learn to move on and adapt to a better mindset?

[Willow Jude]

Hi elle64,

You're very welcome! I'm glad I could offer some help 🙂

It's wonderful to hear that there are a number of other things you enjoy and take pride in, and especially that these provide a reprieve from academic pressure. Taking time to enjoy these (as much as you feel is realistic of course - I understand it can be difficult to find the time when juggling the demands of high school) will help foster mental wellness.

It's awesome that you've had some discussions with your teachers and they've provided their perspectives - this is an excellent step. It's also so great you can recognise that this pressure is internal and that your thoughts are not necessarily a reality. While having a problem be 'in your head' is by no means easy, hopefully it gives you the confidence that it's something you can work on and overcome.

I understand though that it is hard to imagine being able to get to a point where this way of thinking isn't controlling you. Though please give yourself so much credit for being able to recognise the situation and being committed to making change - this first step is often so difficult.

There are a few suggestions I can give you. Some of these are things that helped me when I found myself in a similar situation to what you are going through, while others are things that have helped me with my anxiety in the years after high school. Some of these may not be applicable depending on different factors, but hopefully there's something in there than can prove helpful.
- Taking time to assess and review your goals, motivations, the standards you set yourself, what's important to you, what you want to change, etc. (in relation to school and other aspects of life). This reflection can function as a kind-of framework that can help guide you, and can continue to evolve over time.
- Speaking to friends, parents, or a trusted family friend, if you're comfortable. Sharing what you're going through can make things easier to cope with, and a new perspective may help your way of thinking
- Speaking to a school counsellor, or seeing your GP to discuss accessing psychological help
- Doing an online anxiety/wellbeing course
- Adjusting your workload. If you're in Year 11 or 12 you may be able to drop some units, or there may be the option to do Year 12 over two years