Feeling empty

[Tired_eyes]

Hi BB community,

i write in here as a way to get out how I’m feeling as I haven’t been able to tell anyone close to me how I’m feeling as I feel so embarrassed/ashamed/stupid - the list goes on.
my daughter has been unwell for over 12 months with seizures. She was originally diagnosed with epilepsy but the diagnosis was changed to non epileptic seizures. She suffers from anxiety and the last 12 months have been so traumatic for her and for me being by her side throughout everything. I think this has kick started my anxiety which I have always had but never to this extent, worrying about her so much whilst trying to keep up with a full time job and trying to keep the rest of the family going. She has spoken of self harm and depression and recently had to wean her off her anxiety medication hoping these thoughts were a side effect of her meds. Now my dad has been diagnosed with a terminal illness and I’m a sounding board for both him and my mother to vent all their worries and frustrations and offer support.
I hate my job but financially need to work to pay our bills so finishing up at work isn’t an option to help relieve some pressure. All of this has just built up and left me feeling so tense, stressed, sad and overwhelmed 24/7. My anxiety is through the roof and I overthink everything and feel like I’m making everyone around me miserable.
I feel too embarrassed to speak to my gp about this and don’t think I could get through the conversation without turning into a blubbering mess. My husband knows something is wrong and constantly asking me but I can’t even speak to him and just keep shutting him out. I don’t even know why I’m doing that, i just can’t get the words to come out of my mouth.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Tired eyes,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[Here2Talk]

Hi tired eyes

Sorry to hear everything you are going through. There sure are a lot of traumatic things going on at the moment.

How is your relationship with your husband? Is this something you could possibly talk with him about when you’re ready?

How old is your daughter? Did you have to wean her off the medication because of the seizures?

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Tired_Eyes..

A very warm and caring welcome to these wonderful forums...

I am deeply sorry to hear about your precious daughter and your dad....

You have nothing to be ashamed, embarrassed or stupid...you are going through an incredibly hard time and you are doing your very best to support everyone and that takes a lot of strength to do that...What an amazing and strong person you really are..

I know how hard it can be to talk to your GP. about how drained and anxious your feeling....just a couple of gentle suggestions.....If it’s to hard to talk to your GP maybe you can write out over a few days how your feeling and thinking then hand that to your GP..another way easier then talking would be...if you can show him/her you first post here...Awe sweetheart ...it doesn’t matter if you cry when speaking to your GP....Your mental health needs caring for and it’s just too hard to do that on your own, especially with so much going on in your life right now..Please dear Tired Eyes...you do need to be well mentally to be able to care for your daughter, as well as your dad and mum..

As you mentioned your husband can sense something is not right with you and you’re struggling...Maybe if you’re up to it...sit down with him and pour your heart and soul out to him...he sounds like a very loving and caring man...someone that you can lean on.....maybe even ask him to attend a Drs appointment if you feel your able to make one.....

Talk here anytime you feel up to it..lovely Tired Eyes...We are here to try to support you the best we can...

Sending you my care and kind thoughts...and a gentle warm hug...if that’s okay...dear Tired Eyes..

Grandy..

[Willow Jude]

Hi Tired_eyes,

Welcome to the forums, and well done in having the confidence to share your story with us.

As others have mentioned, there's no need to be ashamed of what you are feeling, though I understand mental illness can make it hard to push through feelings like that.

I am so sorry to hear about what you're struggling with at the moment, I imagine it must be very hard.

I can relate to your reluctance to see your GP, but I really feel that would be an excellent first step to help you get the help you need. I second the suggestions that others have made of writing down your feelings to make it a bit easier to share with your GP. And I also don't want you to feel that you have to avoid being upset in front of your GP - they are there to help you and do what is best for you.

I also think it would be really beneficial to share what you're feeling with your husband. The act of talking about our problems generally helps to make them feel more manageable, and he can assist in providing ongoing support. Again, if you feel apprehensive about talking about what's wrong, writing him a letter could be a great option.

Hopefully things start looking up for you in the future. Please continue to check in with the forums if you feel it's beneficial.

-WJ