Anxiety / Fear of Babies

[kay_cee]

Hi, I suffer with anxiety, triggered by my fear of babies/toddlers. Babies have freaked me out since I was about 12, but now as a lot of family/friends are all starting families, it is becoming unbearable. I can’t stand the noises/crying & am generally repulsed by the way they look.

When my partner's family had their 1st baby, I spoke with a psychologist. My partner tried to explain to them that I wasn’t avoiding them, rather just their baby; they didn’t really try to understand & twice my sister-in-law has tried to shove her baby in my face, sending me into a panic attack. It hurts as this has caused a separate issue, with me now fearing being in their presence, knowing that they may try something again. I get stressed weeks in advance when I know they are going to visit & can’t sleep, break out in eczema & am just generally miserable. It puts a strain on my partner too, as I don’t want to stop him from seeing them, but I just don’t want anything to do with them anymore. I can’t trust them. And I’m sick of being upset about it.

I've worked up to being able to tolerate babies in public, ie. navigating around them & keeping them out of my ‘safe zone’. There has only been a few times when a baby was having a tantrum that I have had to run out of a shop. But it is mostly hard in social situations with small groups of people, where there is nowhere to escape. We are at a total lost in what to do, but without coming across as rude or basically having to tell people ‘to keep their babies away from me’ & without me having to go sit outside by myself like a total idiot.

Sometimes I just feel hopeless, my head spins so fast, I can’t think straight & all I want to do is run away. I feel like such a burden to my partner, that he has to go through this each time family visits or we encounter social gatherings with babies. I haven’t seen a lot of my friends/cousins in years just because they’ve all had kids & I feel bad, but also relieved that I haven’t had to bother with their babies.

The other thing I really struggle with differentiating is while babies make me anxious, I just genuinely am not interested in them. As a female, I feel like I get targeted by other females who ‘expect’ me to dote over their little ones which is so frustrating. So in a way, having this anxiety ‘gets’ me out of having to interact/look at/touch babies etc. so I almost do not want to fix my issue as I still do not want to have to do this! I’m just so confused as to what to do though??

[Hope_for_the_best]

My sister also fears babies, although not as severe as you. She says it is triggered by my sudden non-stop cries in the middle of the night when I was a baby. I am a grown adult now, but my sister still freaks out with babies or young children. Once, my aunt wished my sister and I to take a photo with her then 2-year-old daughter, i.e. our cousin. My cousin requested being held while taking the photo, and she turned to my sister. My sister could not do it, so I was the one who held her in the end. My sister still smiled when she took the photo, but you could tell she was uneasy. So you are definitely not alone with this fear. I would suggest that you go back to your psychologist for more help.

[Bethie]

Hi

Before i had my son i saw babies as horrible things that smelt and gave me a headache. Even when i gave birth first thing i said was get it away from me..so not the typical just gave birth response.

Does your partner want children in the future? If so yes please go see a phyc or try hypnosis. Maybe buy a baby doll from the toy store to get used to the site of one near you and desensitize from there.

Not every woman is the same but reading it sounds like you love your partner and would do anything to make him happy.

[kay_cee]

Thank you for your reply, it was re-assuring to hear that another female also holds the same fear towards babies

[kay_cee]

Hi, thank you for your reply. Luckily we both agree that we don't want children of our own (and I'm actually getting sterilised in 2 weeks which will give me great peace of mind and which my partner totally supports); it is just hard with everyone's else's little ones around at the moment. But yes, everyone is definitely different.

[quirkywords]

Kaycee,

I think we are all different. I suppose there will often be babies ariund in public or in your extended family and friends life and you are learning to cope with that.

I am not one to get clucky over babie,s.I have 3 adult children, but when someone used to place a baby usually a crying one who need changing I was not sure what to do. I talk to babies and read to them I don't gush. People think I am strange. You seem confident and determined.

Is it just babies that make you anxious or all children no matter what the age.

Quirky

[kay_cee]

Hi Quirky
Thank you for your reply. Yes being female and not gushing over babies is what throws peoples and then they think something is wrong with me and that they need to 'fix me'. I am fine with how I am, just could go without feeling so anxious at times.
It is just babies/toddlers that bring on my anxiety. Older children are fine. I've even coached young children with sports and have no issues whatsoever. People often assume that I hate kids altogether too which isn't true, older kids are great!

[quirkywords]

Kay_cee,

I think there are quite a few women who feel like you about babies.

I have a friend who had 2 children and while she loved her children she was pleased when they were over 18 mths as she flet she could relate to them.

I also had a friend whose mum loved babies so much she 7 children about 18mths - 2 years apart . when the baby reached over a year the mum had another baby. My friend being the eldest ended up raising most of her siblings as her mum lost interest once they were not babies.

That behaviour about 40 years ago was considered 'normal".

Do you feel your anxiety is made worse by the way some people react to you?

Quirky