anxiety due to talking too much and oversharing

[Bluegirl2014]

How do I stop myself talking too much and sometimes oversharing? When I am with other people I tend to get anxious, whether it is at work or with friends, and when I am anxious I talk way too much and when I talk too much this tends to lead me to speaking before thinking. I don't share intimate details of my life, but I also don't stop myself from over communicating and saying things I later regret. This then leads to night panic attacks and me ruminating over everything I said and how I wish I could take it back. Does anyone have strategies to help me stop talking and oversharing?

[Birdy77]

Dear Bluegirl,

I can relate very much with your post!

The number of times I have played back conversations and things I've said and then being so, so annoyed with myself for what I've said or how much I've shared ... way too many times to count.

I have learned to slow down a bit, when in situations and if I feel myself about to share something that I might later regret, just taking a few breaths, asking myself "do you really want to share this with this person?" and then deciding.

Doesn't always work ... but slowing down and really, actively thinking before talking can help a bit.

I'm sorry I don't have any other better strategies for you, but I'm glad you've come here for support with your anxiety.

Don't be too hard on yourself Bluegirl.

🌻birdy

[Bluegirl2014]

Thanks Birdy77,

Much as I do not want others to feel anxious, it's kinda nice knowing I'm not the only person who does this. Your strategy is a good start, thanks for your suggestion and support.

Bluegirl

[quirkywords]

blue girl,

What agreat topic that many will relate to.

My children say mum way too much information (tmi) but at times i have spoken too much before I realise it.

i find it hard to slow down so someone suggested I pause and this gives you time to gather thoughts as well as time to decide if it is a sensible idea so one may stop talking.

When you pause people listen as they wonder what you will say next.

So etimes I stop when I realise I am going on and get other people into the conversation by asking a question.

Quirky

[Tess2]

Dear bluegirl

you are certainly not the only one. I do this all the time. I consider myself an open book I have lived my life and not in a bubble so there is bound to be someone out there who knows my stories anyway.

I did this recently when having lunch with my brother’s girlfriend and she promptly repeated things to him. While it was not a confidential conversation, it was insensitive of her to repeat somethings. So I have learnt to be wary of her. Fortunately my brother did not seem too upset with me, but I don’t trust her anymore , and at some point I will discuss that with her.

Dont feel too bad about this. And probably most people don’t take so much notice of what is said as the person who regrets over sharing.

tess

[Jessah]

I do it too, but it's worse online for me. I tend to gauge people's openness when I'm there in person and it helps me be more appropriate, but online I get carried away. The worst times are when I post something in messenger or comments in instagram where I can't delete it later, and I freak out until the person replies. Most of the time I relax after they have responded because it kind of reassures me that what I've said/shared hasn't been as overly intense as i had thought, but sometimes there is no response and i obsess over it for weeks and eventually the feeling subsides. It's horrible. I cry, sweat, can't fall asleep, feel irritable, get annoyed at anything that gets in the way of me mentally processing the situation over and over again. It feels like actual physical pain. I don't know how to not do it. I feel drawn in my certain people and certain topics and feel like they want to hear from me on it, but then I write HEAPS and then cringe about how much I've shared. And I tend to be very expressive too. I don't know if there's something wrong with me, or if it's just some kind of horrific habit I need to break. Is it the same kind of feeling for you?

[Bluegirl2014]

Hi Quirky,

Im glad you like the topic. Its something that has been an increasing issue for me over the past twelve months, to the point where even if I want to be social, I hesitate because of the "hang over" meantal health effect.

I like the idea of pausing, but when my thoughts are moving so fast how do you remember to get in the habit of doing this?

Bluegirl

[Bluegirl2014]

Hey Tess,

I too am an open book. When I discussed this with a close friend of mine, her feedback included how being open with closest friends, develops trust and deeper relationships, which I agree with. However, it also leaves me more open to anxiety, panic attacks and self doubt.

Sharing something as you did with your brothers girlfriend and having her pass it on, is one of my biggest fears, so I tend to skate around some issues and avoid giving my opinion on certain things, even if I feel like I want to advocate for something.

Ah why are relationships so complicated and why do I get so annoyed with myself afterwards?

Bluegirl

[Bluegirl2014]

Hey Jessah,

Oh my gosh yes, sounds similar but I'm much more reserved with social media. It's the in person I struggle with, but I completely understand waiting for the next communication. I tend to send text messages trying to gauge their reaction, or sometimes I make a call, just to reassure myself that I haven't talked too much or overshared.

Then as you do, I think over it so many times trying to process it, but the result is not going to change what we've said or written. I try to tell myself that worrying until I make myself feel unwell, is not going to change anything and what's said is said. That punishing myself by overthink and analysing and beating myself up over it, is not going to help myself or others.

I guess I need another way to break the habit and learn and grow, as I know that being anxious about it doesn't help me and feeling guilty is not necessary for me to change my behaviour.

But I don't know how to change my behaviour of overtalking and also change the habit of being stressed, anxious and panicking afterward.

Bluegirl

[Tess2]

Ah bluegirl,

this is all vexing isn’t it. I don’t like to have to be guarded with people about what I say. But sometimes I should curb it. But sometimes you just find yourself talking about something and it is said. I didn’t say anything awful but it could certainly sound worse in repeating. I will talk to my brother at some point about it, but relationships are very tricky at times. But is it all worth stressing about? I think it is best to be an open person, but careful who you trust .

tess