I experience anxiety when the rest of my family is
at home with me (husband + 2 teenagers). I feel guilty and crazy at the same time. My
closest-and-dearest will not harm me in any way, but why do I feel the urge to
run and hide when I hear them approaching?! It's like a feeling of being
attacked.
My house has a long hallway downstairs.
Getting from one end to the other is always stressful - the constant fear of
someone coming out of a room along the way. The sound of a door opening makes
me jump every time.
Any noise they make irritates me, whether
it's their footsteps or talking or closing of the kitchen-cupboard or running
of the tap. My negative reaction is instant. I have no time to adjust my
thinking.
I would avoid going into common areas like
the kitchen until no one is there. If anyone walks past me, my heart would start racing.
Weekends and school holidays are the worst.
They might sleep-in so I cannot wash the bed-linen until they're up. They might
eat breakfast late so I cannot start the dishwasher. Then someone decides to
use the washing machine just as I was about to put in the bed-linen. OK I'll go
to clean the bathroom but someone is in there. It's like they're all over the
house and it's always that exact same second when I'm there. I'm doing chores
in-between when things are not in use,
one thing after another. I can't relax at all. Watch TV for 10 minutes and then
the washing machine beeps. My head ends up in a total mess.
Now it's started to affect my sleep. I cannot
unwind and calm my mind until they've all gone to bed. I need total silence and
solitude. But then as I finally get into bed late, I start thinking about the
next day and how to dodge them again. It's a vicious cycle.
I know the thoughts are irrational but I
cannot stop the triggers. I use various coping-strategies to get me out
of these anxiety episodes, but it's mentally exhausting when I'm doing this
over and over again throughout the day.
I have a wonderful family and I really should not complain, but I just cannot relax when they are around. Any thoughts?
