Anxiety and Studying

[Frankl15]

Lately I’ve been anxious about uni , I find that I want to study but I don’t feel happy , travelling from home is hard and my mums health isn’t so well but I’m worried about my education because work back home isn hard to come by. I feel like I’m stuck in a loophole of decisions to make and whether one decision is going to mess up my future or benefit my happiness.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Frank

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. I'm sorry that anxiety is affecting your studies and your life.

I really want to encourage you to pop into see your GP for a double-appointment and talk through how you are feeling. Most people who experience anxiety recover with the right treatment. It can get better. And once the anxiety is under better control you will make better life decisions. Treatment is important.

When we're experiencing anxiety there is a tendency to overthink things, feel overwhelmed and confused and, as a consequence, to just shut down which gives us the "stuck" feeling. You are not alone. My daughter suffers anxiety, so I have experience helping her through moments like this.

I am not an expert or a doctor--I am just a mum--but I am going to tell you what I would tell her when she's stuck. Breath. You don't have to make any decisions today. You need to take the pressure off yourself and move through this one step at a time.

From where I sit, it would make sense for you to finish this semester before making any big, life-altering decisions, so at least you will get the credit for the work you have already done and have the time to seek medical help.

I would also suggest you break the issue into "chunks". You say you want to study and it sounds like you understand the value of education to your future. To me this suggests that travel and missing/worrying about your mum might be the first "chunk" to deal with. I don't know enough about the situation to be really helpful here but I am thinking that a good Skype connection or some Face Time between you and mum might be a place to start.

My mum lives in Canada and has terminal cancer and I worry constantly. Since she fell ill I visit twice a year (used to be an annual trip). But being able to see her in between visits makes a big difference. In fact, I just finished Skyping her and we had an hour and a half of good, quality time.

If you want to share some details and talk it through some more, please post again. I am happy to keep talking and will keep an eye out for this thread.

Kind thoughts to you

[Frankl15]

Hi Summer

Thank you , yes I think I may need to just look at the situation a lot better. I am supposed to try medication but I feel I don’t want to be dependent on it so I’m trying to work through my anxiety with other things - drawing/writing which I’m more comfortable with. I feel that when I’m away my mum doesn’t take care of herself at home and I think she stresses because my siblings and I and her grandchildren are in the same city whereas she’s back in our hometown on her own, she does ring everyday and at night at at lunch 🙂 But I feel she makes things hard for herself , the good thing is she’s studying as well and she’s happy with what ever decision I make , but she’s planning on moving so I think that might make things easier.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Frank

I'm really glad you posted. It's a shame your mum isn't in the same city with you and the others and I know it's painful for all.

To help ease your mind, maybe you could ask a neighbour or friend to keep an eye on mum. If mum needs help taking care of herself at home, could you and your siblings chip in and organise a cleaner or gardener or meal deliveries or whatever service you feel is required? Many councils also provide support services, if your mum meets certain criteria. If mum can move closer to you in time that would be a real win/win.

When children leave the nest I think it's common to carry some guilt and to worry about our parents--especially when we move away. I know I did. It was my mum who helped me get over it. I know that she wants me to live my life and be happy. My son moved out last year; he is also at university. Suddenly it was my turn to release him as painlessly as possible. This is the natural order of things.

Your mum is doing the same--she says she will be happy with whatever decision you make. I hope that you can reflect on your mum's words and that this may help soothe your mind and heart. The bond you have with mum is precious and it will last a lifetime, no matter the geographical distance between you.

Your strategies for dealing with your anxiety sound good. There are other things you can try besides medication as well, and you can find information about this on the bb website under the facts tab, anxiety.

Just a few words about medication. I understand that nobody wants to take medication if they don't have to. But I know from my daughter's experience that medication is a legitimate treatment for your illness and that it can be very beneficial. You won't necessarily become dependent and it might just compliment your other treatments to help you heal. I guess I'm suggesting that given the doctor recommended it that you try to keep an open mind before ruling it in or out.

[Frankl15]

Thanks Summer Rose

The suggestions have been really helpful and I’ve made a plan to live in the city that way mum can come visit and I can fly home whenever. And I will definitely look into medication as I think it will benefit me for the rest of the year. Again thank you for sharing your story with me and I appreaciate the support, and I wish you and your family well. 🙂

[Summer Rose]

Hi Frank

Hearing from you again has warmed my heart. You have a good head on your shoulders, you're coming up with good ideas and I know this will take you where you need to go in life. I wish you well too and please post any time you like.