Anxiety Affecting Relationship

[Lovedogs9]

Hi All,

Every time I end up looking for advice on the internet I usually end up feeling disheartened or worse, but I figured this would be the right place to look for advice.

Basically like a lot of people on here, I unfortunately suffer from the “evil twins” aka, depression and anxiety.

Long story short, my relationship is really suffering. My partner is everything that I’ve ever wanted in a man. I’ve waited a long time to find him and god knows I’ve been through some shit with guys. Our relationship has moved quite fast, and I’ve had my fair share of freak outs, most of which he has been able to calm me down over.

about a month ago we had a fight, and usually after we would argue I would never feel too stressed because I knew that we were meant to be and that everything would be okay. After this fight I just didn’t feel right, and I feel like that feeling has carried over until today.

I keep questioning whether or not we are right for eachother, because if we were, I wouldn’t be so worried, right? These are the sorts of thoughts that I beat myself up about. I am constantly asking myself if this is a mistake, If it is doomed, if there is someone better suited to me out there etc blah blah.

I’m really hoping that things get better soon because it’s really starting to get me down. Most times we end up seeing eachother I end up crying because I start feeling anxious. I just want things to go back to how they were. Hoping someone might have been through the same thing and come out the other side.

Thanks for reading.

x

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Lovedogs9,

Great to see you posting on the beyondblue forums and reaching out. This is a great first step towards finding the balance you are looking for.

Starting a new relationship, even if its a really good one, brings about a lot of heightened emotions, stress and worry at the best of times, never mind when you are dealing with anxiety and depression. Stress is stress, even if it is good stress and can trigger symptoms that you would not expect.

It is great to hear that you have a supportive partner. Having an argument in a relationship is normal and the worry you are describing could be from your anxiety rather than the relationship itself. The best way to get to the bottom of this is to talk to someone who specialises in anxiety and depression. I wonder if you have seen a counsellor or psychologist in the past? If you have, it might be an idea to have a check in appointment as having a talk with someone is great way to reflect on where you are at and if it is the relationship that is gotten you worried or if you are having undue worry about the relationship from your anxiety. If you don't see a health practitioner another way to help manage could be talking to a friend who you trust or even reaching out to the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636.

Spending so much time worrying rather than enjoying the moments of you new relationship must be frustrating. Another strategy that many people have tried is a strategy called Mindfulness. There is a lot of information on the forum about this practice and there is a pretty good app call Smiling Mind that can teach you the basics. Mindfulness can help give your mind a rest from worry and teach you how to not reach emotionally to some of your worried thinking.

Getting on top of you anxiety symptoms early before they get out of control is important especially when going through a new life event like starting a new relationship. Relationships can be exciting, overwhelming, and even a bit stressful for the best of us. Take some time for you and your mental health and keep posing on the forum about how you are going.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[Lovedogs9]

Thank you Jenn, what a lovely supportive message. I have just started seeing a new therapist who I like, so I’m hoping that she can help. I have only seen her twice so it’s early days but I am hopeful. I am also planning to increase the dosage of my medication. Thank you again ❤️

[Lana1234]

Hi Lovedogs

I know the feeling of doubt and confusion.

I can tell this is really tearing you apart. you dont have to take my advise and it might be easier said than done but, i think you need to be honest with ur boyfriend and talk to him about your feelings and why you are feeling that way. Im not recommending approaching it as a breakup but if he has been there before to help you im sure if you express it the right way he will be there for you again. You can always talk to this to you friends if they know you and your boyfriend well and ask them of their thoughts. often they know more than you think.

I am just replying to you as someone wanting to help. im not a expert but i hope everything ends up ok

dont hesitate to reply

Lana

[Lovedogs9]

Thanks Lana, thankfully he and all of my friends are very understanding 🙂

[FinallyFree]

Hi Lovedogs9,

Wow I literally read your post and thought that is exactly my life. I totally understand where you are at.

I left a narcissistic abusive relationship almost a year ago. My ex was physically, sexually, mentally and financially abusive. Leaving him was the best thing I have ever done in my life. About two weeks later I met my current partner on the internet. I was looking for friendship as I felt I wasn't ready for another relationship given the abuse I had suffered. However, we both quickly knew we had found the one. As you mentioned in your post, he was the man I had always been looking for and was exactly what I wanted.

However as time went by I would have freak out moments as well. I had moments where I would over think situations or think the worse if I wanted to raise any issues or make decisions in the relationship. We haven't had a lot of fights, but the disagreements we have had have made me cry as well. What I am trying to say is that I feel your anxiety, I am the same when it comes to thinking whether we were meant to be etc. After almost a year I am slowly working out what causes my anxiety and why I react the way I do in these situations.

Because I was in an abusive relationship, I think that my new partner is going to react the way my ex did; that he will shoot me down or not listen etc. I worry that if I make decisions they will be the wrong ones and that he wont like my suggestions. He recently sat me down and discussed this with me. He said he felt like the relationship wasn't equal and asked why I couldn't make decisions. I explained why and we came up with a compromise for me to make one decision a day. Like Lana mentioned, its about sitting down with your partner and explaining why you feel or react the way you do. I am sure your partner will understand and want to work with you so that these moments are less frequent.

I still have anxiety, I use grounding techniques or talk to others when i am feeling this way. Its about breaking it down and trying to identify where the anxiety is coming from and why. I hope this helps and I am more than happy to chat with you about this.

[Lovedogs9]

So sorry for the late reply, but I’m glad you shared your story with me! It helps to feel like I’m not alone 🙂