Anxiety about work, me and life

[Red_Robin]

This is hard to write. I feel like a failure as I write this and wonder if I will ever gain confidence to work again.

Management has changed and the environment is awful.

Under new management I feel targeted (as do other staff) for example I was asked by a colleague for some Panadol during work hours and was advising her of the pain relief, (she is pregnant - I was unsure what she could have). Management came straight up, stood directly beside me asking "is everything alright?" She stood there until my coworker took her choice and I continued work. What upset me is that while my actions were questioned another two colleagues were chatting (one even sitting on the others desk in plain site), and another had talked all day (she has a very loud voice) showing anyone and everyone her phone disagreement with her sister in law, continuing to do so all afternoon also. Neither of these were or are ever spoken to.

One afternoon I was on lunch, and a manager yelled at me to stop gossiping and get back to work.

Yesterday I was called into the office and my work was reviewed. The meeting was very formal and I was called out on errors made which I accept full responsibility for. However I am now told if I make these again I will receive a written warning. Other colleagues are making the same errors, one of which I discussed the process with recently and her response was to say she "doesn't give a shit" (same co-worker who never get in trouble).

Other staff have left, saying they are glad to leave this toxic workplace. One While another has confided in me she has anxiety as a direct result from work.

I am trying to apply for other work but my confidence in my own ability is gone. I am constantly nervous and trying not to make errors, and anxiety comes along and while i try to ride through the fear, shakes, nausea etc I am so scared I think I will vomit or poop myself at my desk.

When I look at job sites i am so unsure of myself and my abilities I don't apply for anything for fear I am not able. The jobs I can apply for finish outside my childrens day care hours or affect my arthritis pain.

I desperately need a new job and immediate confidence in myself but don't feel I am winning this battle or even "floating " through it gracefully. .I have had awful dreams all night and waking continuously.

I am feeling a failure and bad example to my children.

[something_missing]

hi red robin. have read ur posts starting from 6 april. unfortuatly there r many bosses out there who seem to think that treating they workers like dirt gives them a sense of power or authority. it actually makes them a-holes. those out there that employ people ,then treat them like so r not worth working for or worring about , dont beat yourself up about it ,simply because the only person to worry is u. i have had many jobs in my time for the exact reason u wrote about. i dout very much that u r a failure as u r a mum with i am sure beauitful children. 17 april u have a job interveiw .good ona. as long as u r doing ur best and take pride in what u do then u know u have succeed. some people cannot reckonise a talanted worker if they fell over them.u will get a job i am sure and be appreceated for ur skills. chin up lovely lady ,be positive and it will work out for u . keep smiling life is great

[Red_Robin]

Thank you for your reply 'somethings missing.' I am saddened it is a common occurrence in workplaces.

It is hard not to beat myself up though. I feel it is a constant daily struggle. However I have had enough counselling over the years to know how to deal - but sheesh I get warn out.

I sincerely thank you for replying.

[something_missing]

Hi Red robin. got ur reply. yep ur rite ,it does wear u out.u mentioned that ur confidence was low. i can relate to that as yrs ago my confidence in truck driving hit an all time low because of the company i was workin for and some of there monkeys workin there. it took at little time to get it back but i soon relised that it was the company i was in not me.hope that helps u a bit. i suffer from social anxitey a bit as in a lot of people in a room or party after about 2 or3 hrs i close down and shrink into the shadows,but with work no problems. i some times wonder if people in charge are not really confident within themselfes which is y they get on people as to feel confident in them selfs [hope that makes sense]. any way sorry to ramble, go out there be confident in everything u do .good luck and keep smiling

[Guest_934]

Thanks for sharing and I can really relate to this post. You are definitely not a failure, instead, I can tell you are a very considerate and caring individual. My boss has been exhibiting the same behaviors and I too have had the same work review meeting where my work was torn to pieces. I did manage to stand firm and explain to my boss his expectations were unrealistic. It wasn't pretty but I persevered and he's backed off now. Is there any mediation personal at your work that can act as a bridge or mediator? If not, I do hope you find a job you are looking for.

[Red_Robin]

Thank you something missing. I hope to find something that helps my confidence and helps me find a passion again. I hope you are coping better. Your posts have me thinking you are very compassionate - and kind.

I can only imagine how your social anxiety can be. I have times where I cannot stand going to the shops. Too many people, but I have not got to a point where I shut down. Moat times I am ok and force myself to focus on what I need, other times I come home empty handed because it is 'all too much.' I trust life is improving for you.

Yes, that makes sense- I understood completely. Low self esteem in their behalf is projected into others so as to make them feel more in control.

[Red_Robin]

***Za thank you for fornyour kind and supportive words and for sharing your experience. I am sorry to hear you are going through a similar situation - but so glad to hear you stood up for yourself. I wish I were able to stand up for myself without regretting it later.

Unfortunately our HR department is not helpful either, and were I to take it further I fear the repercussions. I am cutting my losses and looking elsewhere. Which is sad because I truly like what I do - just not the bullying from management.

I am trying to see this as a personal and work no related learning experience and bettering myself. Unfortunately it is so draining and there are not many work options out there.

Take care and once again Thank you for your reply.

[something_missing]

Hi red robin ,thanks for ur reply. yep life seems to be pickin up for me. made a deceision last week to leave the station [been here 3 yrs on my own ] going back to family farm.enough about me ,how r u going hope these little msgs put a smile on ur face. go grab life with two hands shake the hell out of it and see wat falls out. cant all be bad. you will find a job were everything will work out .yes this social anxiety can really throw u a curve ball at the most incovent time. hope you r managingto work on ur anxiety. i seem to be able to push it aside for a while then it rears its ugly head . i guess i have learnt to accept it. keep smiling makes people wonder wat u been up to.

[something_missing]

Hi Red Robin. how have u been, have u found something to boost ur confidence and passion. how is the work options going for u. i can understand ur shopping melt down. i to sometimes go home with very little or nothing. i find that this sometimes happens depending on the day i have had weather it is early morning or from the day b4. remember that u r a good person and defenitly not a failure to yourself or your children. hope this finds u on the up side of life . be proud of yourself and of course ur kidddies. keep smilin life is great