Anxiety about a girl

[2981Froggy]

Hi Everyone,

I've been seeing a girl that i have developed feelings for, on most weekends (only when drunk) and she's been coming back to mine every time. We have a bit of fun, where she usually leaves anywhere between 5-9am. I like her and want to potentially take her on a date, but creating plans are hard and just never eventuate, yet we are still seeing each other on nights out. I recently found out she went on a date with a friend of mine a little after we had met (not an issue), but now i feel like she's going on dates every weekend with guys (except me). Obviously i dont know if this is true and I've been getting anxiety about her which is ruining my day to day activities. We still speak here and there during the week, but see each other when drunk. How did you guys overcome these types of situations and deal with the struggles of wanting someone, who although seeing them, hasnt confirmed they wanted you? (even though they were still seeing you and being intimate, multiple times on a weekly basis). The Anxiety levels are high and i obviously imagine the worst (that she's with/dating/kissing others), even though its probably not true. Thanks in advance ❤️

[Indeed]

Hi Froggy,

Thanks for sharing your situation! I think the best option would be to take action. Talk to her about exclusivity or ask her on a date and talk through that. Considering youre already seeing each other often, I think you have ample opportunity and even though you are anxious you have to push yourself through that. If youre early in the relationship and she hasnt been exclusive, what will be your course of action? When I'm in an anxious state I find that looking into the worst case, deconstructing and rationalising it helps soothe me, as well as working out how you will react to the situation.

Let me know if any of this helps

Good luck!

-J

[Emmen]

Dear 2981Froggy,

Welcome to the forums.

You've been intimate when you're drunk and if I understand correctly, you haven't had any extended or serious conversations when sober, especially conversations on what your relationship can be defined as. It's perhaps time you did that, because without that, you haven't established that this is an exclusive relationship. The anxiety is a result of uncertainty and for it to stop, you need to take appropriate actions to stop that uncertainty.

Warmly,
M