Always thinking something is wrong with me

[Elle972]

Hello ,

I am new here , I have been wanting to write for sometime and now finally I’m here !!

Last year I experienced a traumatic event where I was receiving stabbing pains in my chest/ heart where I was going to faint , dizzy, sick. My family put me to sleep to relax. I woke up the next morning with a heavy chest,overtime I had constant pain on the left side of my abdomen ribs etc. Constantly wass seeing my gp who sent me for all different test ultra sounds. Went for a endoscopy and everything was fine it was anxiety as per what my gp said when I initially told him the issue.

Next day after the endoscopy I got up for work I had no pain but I had a striking head ache I was confused lost felt like I was losing my mind. Don’t know how I drove myself to work but at this point I was freaking out had a panic attack at work and no matter what I did the pain wouldn’t go away. I wasn’t myself I was at breaking point. Two weeks went by I went to my gp and asked for anxiety tablets he didn’t want to as previously discussed. I cried my heart out which he provided them to me. I also went and done a MRI scan because this pain wouldn’t go away it wasn’t a head ache it’s hard to explain. Results came back everything is fine I’m normal !! I was lost why is this happening to me I was losing my mind thought I was going crazy. The pain eased up and as day by day went I was struggling but coping in some what way. After Christmas break I went back to work for two days and quit my job I just couldn’t go back.

I am now unemployed, wanting to go back to work but I’m so so scared I don’t want to go back to square one. Trying to tell myself nothing is wrong with me and all my results show good but this pain doesn’t match the results it’s making me think something is wrong. I am seeing a psychologist who is great! But convincing myself is so hard. I have come a long way from when it all started in sepmtember last year , all I wanted to do was sleep , not eat , not move from the couch etc.

I hope I can relate with some people, my anxiety has calm down but I’m not 100% yet. Please I also ask with your responses to not mentions anything about doing more test because it will just freak me out even more !!

Thank you

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi there Elle972,

Great to see you posting on the forum. Reaching out here for the first time can be bit daunting as is putting your story out in the public space but from being a person who posts on the forums quite regularly, I know you are not alone in your experience and this is a safe place. If you use the search feature above and type in 'health anxiety', you will find may other threads on this exact topic but only if you are up for reading them.

I just wanted to drop in and acknowledge the hard work you have taken to get where you are today. From September, it sounds as though you have had a tough period and are starting to see some light in what has been a very dark tunnel. This is so fantastic to hear.

So many people struggle with anxiety and are completely shocked by how powerful the mind is. I reflect on a young person who I treated in my clinical practice who was nearly immobile from the level of anxiety she was experiencing. But she was able to walk and go on to complete school and go back to sport and recover completely with therapy and support. It is stories like yours that need to be shared as when you are in the hardest part of it, you feel so stuck and alone like you will never be able to recover.

One day you will go on to work again and not have pain, I am confident of this as you are taking all the right steps towards a successful recovery. Hopefully near the end of your recovery journey you will be able to self manage your anxiety well and when it does creep up (as sometimes it does) you will be able to intervene early before it gets out of control.

It is great that you have developed a strong therapeutic relationship with your GP and psychologist. I wonder if you have friends/family or a social circle that you access regularly for support as well? I recommend taking each day, one at a time. It has only been 4 months. If you sustained a significant knee or hip injury, it could take up to a year to gain full recovery. When you are treating anxiety, it can also take a while so be kind to yourself.

If you are ever really in a bad place and feel as though you need someone to talk to immediately, don't forget about the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636. This can help get through some difficult moments if your support network is unavailable.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[Elle972]

Hi Jenn,

Thank you for your response.

I have searched other threads and they have helped knowing I’m not in this alone. However could you recommend somewhere where I can communicate with others that are dealing with the same issue face to face?

My family have been supportive. My mother past away nearly two years ago and things have been stressful since however as bad as it sounds this has been more traumatic than her passing. My father has had anxiety for the past 10 years and he is the only person who understands what I am going through as he has gone through it 10x worse.

In the beginning I didn’t think I would see a light but now I’m starting too however am worried I will go back to square one if I go back to work. I strain myself from doing certain things as I am fearful it will bring on more pain and anxiety. I have not yet found a strategy on how to cope with my anxiety do you have any suggestions ? my psychologist recommends exercise , I am regularly walking which helps.

Thank you

[Anxietyisthemonsterhiding]

Hey there... So basically I’m in your boat at least to some degree. I had a scary experience where I got schooled into seeing how possible it is to die and ever since I’ve had severe anxiety. Sorry though (the past year) it’s become very health based. I get constant chest pains left side, right side, middle you name it. It’s lead to me going to hospital, calling ambulances you name it, I’m at the doctors weekly. I’ve had normal ecgs, a echocardiogram. No matter how many times they put it down to anxiety or acid reflux or something normal I just cant shake the feeling I am going to die. A headache is a brain tumour, a tight throat from acid reflux is something that’s going to cause my death. Anything I feel. Eg, symptoms most people shake off as just a head ache or just a sore chest I assume is something that’s going to kill me. I’m 22 and it’s mentally and physically draining and it stops me doing things or working/ living life. The only think I have personally found to stop this is going on anti depressants because most symptoms (headchaes, chest pain, tight throat ect, is anxiety based when I’ve been on mediciation it stops the actual anxiety therefore also the symptoms and also gives me the break in my stressed out mind to breath and realise it’s nothing. I honestly didn’t fear anything on the tabelts. However I stopped them thinking I was fine and now for the past year have had way worse anxiety. I know I need to go back onto them but now I’m terrified to even do that. I’m trying yoga, meditation, a phycholcogist. At the moment when I get these pins I am just sitting there telling myself that we are all going to die at some point and trying to over ride the panic of needing a hospital or something. I feel like if I can stop the fear of death then it can’t control me but geez it’s hard. I know more testing is not going to do anything for you because I myself have done it, I could have a ecg right now and then as soon as I walk out of the hospital and get one bit of chest discomfort I feel I am going to die and that I need another test done. It’s honestly this sickening loop and I can’t seem to get out of it.

[Elle972]

Hey There

i know the feeling ! I ended up going to hospital and they said it’s just a head ache! And went home after I started my medication I have lifted myself up but I don’t want to be on them forever, they help but I still have few symptoms. I can relate to thinking something is always wrong like I’m going to die or lose my mind it’s scary and it feels like nothing can help. Do you have any support ? Family friends partner? I’m the same age as you and I can’t believe it’s happened to us at such a young age.

I have done a ecg test blood test all the test and everything is good thank god but i just wanted a explanation about why. My ecg test came back and said My heart skipped a beat and that’s nothing to worry about it’s normal and my heart is fine but it still freaked me out also I’m a smoker because I’m so stressed so that doesn’t help. There is no such thing as a test for anxiety people just assume but we can overcome it in time.

Everythjng is temporary I totally believe everything happens for a reason and this won’t last forever so just keep thinking to yourself you will get through this. 

Thank you you for replying I’m so glad I’m not the only one

[Anxietyisthemonsterhiding]

Hey there. Ah not really. I’m also 30 weeks pregnant, my partner left at the start and my dad doesn’t want anything to do with me because I’ve disappointed him and he thinks I’ve ruined my life choosing to have this child. I don’t have a lot of support and that makes it hard. I sure hope you have some support!! If not I’m always here if you need. I know. I can’t believe it either. We are spending the best years of our lives, the years where we aren’t meant to have these issues, struggling and we are going to get to a point where we actually have real issues and think wow like why is! Why our brains, that goes for everyone with a mental illness. It’s awful and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

i know what you mean. No matter what test they do I just don’t believe that I am okay.

I’m also a big believer in the universe and that everything happens for a reason/ that we will be okay in the end. I don’t think this is forever. You aren’t alone.

[Elle972]

Hey There ,

congratulations ! That is great news. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner and father. Hopefully your dad will come around eventually. My dad Is my life savior and my partner is awesome too but he hasn’t been through this so he doesn’t understand as much.

I totally agree, it’s suppose to be the best years of our lives and I sit here and ask myself why me why now ? My parents divorced over 10 years ago and it was such a difficult time, why do I deserve this anxiety after what I have been through.

Have you tried something like a community gathering- I’m not sure what they are called but where you can talk about it with other people who can support you aswell. Some organizations can assist you with support.

Thank you for sharing your story it’s been helpful and just keep thinking there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[blondguy]

Hi Elle972

You are amazing for being so proactive with your health....and for being a part of the forum family too! I understand your situation as these 'feelings' can be awful and scary to have.

You are spot on when you mentioned that these awful feelings are temporary! The good news is that they do reduce in severity over time with ongoing help from a GP or a counselor. I was a jerk...seriously....and neglected to take frequent counseling seriously.....as I thought I could self heal.....That was denial on my part...The symptoms/feelings you mentioned do feel real....very real...yet they are still only feelings

The racing heart...the palpitations....the tight chest...the panic (and for me the digestive system..sorry) are all due to our adrenaline pumping overtime for various 'life' reasons....too much on our plate.....lifestyle may be too busy...having high expectations.....or even living in an environment that isn't conducive to our health....the list is long...and thats why many GP's have a really good understanding about these symptoms nowadays.

Your post to Anxietyisthemonster was brilliant and thank-you for replying as well as you did 🙂

Just a note for any young people reading the forums....Severe/moderate anxiety can feel really bad at its peak...yet they are still only bad feelings that can be overcome with a GP or a counselor 🙂

Hi Anxietyisthemonster....You have been through what Elle and myself have been through and its not a good place to be in...Because your personal situation is different to Elle's you are more than welcome to start your own thread topic about these awful symptoms (feelings) so people can focus on providing you with more effective support that may be beneficial to your own situation

I hope everyone has the best Friday they can 🙂

Thank-you Elle for having the inner strength to create your own thread...Nice1

please be 'gentle' to yourself

Paul