Hi Autumn,
I think acceptance is definitely a process and doesn’t happen in a straight line. Sometimes it will feel like we take a step backwards into not accepting again. But it doesn’t mean we’re not moving forward in general.
I know for me the hardest part has been accepting that I won’t have the life that I thought I would and wanted. When we’re growing up our society and family help us to build expectations of what an ‘adult’ life looks like - career, marriage, children, owning possessions, etc. The first real struggle I had with accepting my mental illness and circumstances was when I realised I wouldn’t have a career in the field I wanted. It was extremely hard for me to give up on this dream that I always assumed I’d achieve if I worked hard enough. But my mental illness had other ideas. It has taken a long time to accept that and sometimes those feelings of loss are triggered again. These days I’ve accepted in the most part that I’ll never be able to have any career, and even seeing someone on their way to work can trigger sadness in me.
I think grieving is a big part of the process of acceptance. We need to grieve for what we’ve lost and the struggle we’ve been handed. I know that getting some help from mental health professionals can really help to process the thoughts and emotions that come up.
I think also it’s about planning for a life that WILL work for you. A way to shape a life that brings joy and fulfilment, despite it maybe not being in the ways we expected or hoped for. I’ve accepted that my illnesses affect me in a way that means I won’t be able to have a career as a researcher in mental health, but I volunteer here at Beyond Blue and so I feel fulfilled that I’m contributing to the field, in a way that I can handle.
I find accepting medication difficult too, as you mentioned. I’ve also come off mine at different times when I felt well enough to believe that I didn’t really need it. It’s actually a really common issue for getting people to stay on their medication. I too had some terrible repercussions that pushed me more towards acceptance, but it’s still a work in progress as I get in the mindset where I believe that if I just ‘try harder’ then I can be well. We would never think of someone with kidney failure or other physical illness as just needing to try harder, but we become very hard on ourselves in this way. I think part of the acceptance is recognising that mental illness are just as real as physical illness.
Alexlisa
