16 y.o. boy housebound with anxiety - help needed

[WorriedFather]

Hi Everyone,

I'm writing this in the hope that I might be able to get some advice from a parent out there who may have experienced a similar problem with their child.

In the middle of 2018 my son (let's call him Jay) at the end of 1st term school holidays was "feeling sick in the stomach" and was unable to go to school for a few days. That didn't strike us as abnormal at that point. At the end of second term school holidays the same thing happened - he felt sick in the tummy, couldn't go to school. This time however he was off for a couple of weeks. He managed to get back there for a day or two but that was it. At that point we were thinking he had some kind of stomach issue. Jay had a large group of friends, all good kids, he was happy, socialising all the time. We took him to the GP, had blood tests done, this test, that test but nothing came back as being a problem. We then took him to see a gastroenterologist, he had a gastroscopy procedure which showed he had a mild hiatal hernia but nothing which should have prevented him from going to school.

A couple of months had passed by this stage and Jay had not really been back to school since the holidays. School work was being done at home but he was becoming increasingly resistant to leaving the house to go places. He started having mild panic attacks, feeling sick in the stomach at shopping centres and restaurants. We took him to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed Jay with anxiety. Jay refused to believe this was the case as there was nothing bothering him. He was prescribed anxiety meds but they really didn't help. The psych sessions yielded nothing of any real value. Jay really didn't have anything to say about his feelings because from his perspective there wasn't a problem in that area. We'd now gotten to the end of the year and he hadn't been back to school and was doing all schoolwork from home with parental guidance. He went and saw another psych over the summer but again it didn't help.

So now here we are in March 2019. Jay barely leaves the house now and is doing VCE via distance education. He isn't depressed. He is for the most part a happy kid. He's chatty, makes good eye contact, involves himself in conversations at the dinner table etc. He does spend most of his time in his room though.

I'm hoping there's someone out there who has had a similar exp with their child. Any advice you could give would be appreciated. We are desperate to get our son's life back 😞

Thanks

[Tess2]

Hi worried father,

I understand your concern.. what else can you find out? Have you talked to his school? Has he changed there, is it maybe teacher related, another student, even not in his year? Has he lost weight? Gained weight? Does he do any outdoor activities with the friends he has.

Why has he retreated from school, but happy to do his work from home? This may be a school issue but I may be wrong. How is his appetite? What else has changed, even subtly, Does he have brothers and sisters. If yes, do they say anything?

I can only ask questions. But he needs to be seen by a very experienced and sensitive paediatrician before a gastro or psych in my opinion. I am a very experienced paediatric nurse. He is in a tricky age group but good adolescent paedriticians are who he should be seeing. don’t give up

tess

[WorriedFather]

Hi Tess,

First, thank you for taking the time to respond 🙂

We met several times with the school and their well-being team. They even visited our home when Jay wasn’t able to leave the house anymore. There were no issues at school, teachers or kids, we are fairly confident about that.

He has lost weight but not too much. He’s eating less than he did but I think that might be stress-related. He’s eating well enough for a kid his age. We have 5 kids, none of them can figure what has happened either.

He is seeing a paedatrician yes, he has been helpful. It’s a very tricky age to tackle this type of problem in.

I know we will get him well one day. Just breaks our hearts knowing all the fun times he’s missing out on at his age.

Again, thanks for replying.

[BumbleBumble]

Hi Worriedfather,

That is such a difficult situation. From what you have discussed it does sound like an anxiety based disorder but what is driving it and what to do. Concerning it the gradual escalation of symptoms and social isolation.

I'm glad to hear interpersonal conflict at school has been ruled out. Does Jay continue to socialise with his friends face-to-face/online or has he gradually withdrawn from these as well. Does he still engage in his hobbies? Does he engage in THC, alcohol, methamphetamine use, or even excessive energy drinks or coffees?

It sounds like everything has been done, liaising with the school or potential triggers, medical review for potential organic causes, and psychology/psychologist or psychological intervention but with nil clear answers.

Jay sounds like a young man who struggles with the possibility he possess unhelpful thought patterns that can be addressed through talk therapy. It may be hard but working with Jay to gradually expose him to anxiety provoking triggers such as; leaving the house, going for walks around the block, shopping, cycling, movie with mates, etc. A graded approach is best with de-escalating plan in place. I know Jay has seen a psychologist but I would encourage him to re-engage with one focusing on anxiety management.

I hope that offers some help.

[WorriedFather]

Hi Bumble,

Jay really doesn’t see his friends in person anymore, no. It’s only online. They seem to have fun but obviously it’s a poor substitute for actually being physically located with his friends.

He used to love guitar but has stopped playing it. He was s very good guitarist but at the moment doesn’t pick it up at all. It’s been one of the most worrying signs for me - he absolutely loves his guitar but now barely looks at it.

I did briefly wonder if it might be drug related but I’m 100% sure it’s not. I even arrived home on several occasions unannounced to surprise him but caught him doing nothing wrong at all.

I really want him to find someone who would be good at helping him with anxiety management. Because so far nobody has given him practical exercises he can do to try to overcome it. I’ve been so surprised and disappointed that of the three counselors/psychs he’s see now not one of them have even suggested something like this. He needs practical tips and things he can do to slowly move forward.

Do you know - does that kind of therapy have a specific name? I have no idea how to find someone who specializes in this kind of anxiety treatment for teens...

Thanks for taking the time to add your post, you have given me direction to explore. 🙂

Thanks,

WF

[IreneM]

HI Worried Father

I can relate to your Jay's situation. I was like him at that age. I am glad that he is still continuing his education at home and at least communicating with his friends online.

It sounds from the conversations above that his symptoms are Anxiety and Stress related. If he confides in you more than his mother, have you asked if there are other activities that he would enjoy practically? This could be another avenue to help to break the social isolation, even an interest group like writing or reading might be an option to create another means for new friendships. Another thought is to accompany him to do a different activity like woodwork if he does not feel comfortable alone.

There is also the thread on "Supporting someone with Depression or Anxiety" below, as well as "Parents and Guardians."

Irene.

[Summer Rose]

Hi WorriedFather

I'm sorry to hear about your son's illness. I have walked in your shoes and know how difficult this is for you.

When my daughter, Sarah, was 13 she was similarly affected by anxiety and OCD (kind of like anxiety on steroids). She could not attend school and social connections, sports, music--everything disappeared. She was in a very dark, lonely place. Our family was in crisis.

Sarah had the help of a pediatrician, psychiatrist, psychologist and an excellent GP, all playing different roles.

The first medication was ineffective. The second one she tried was very helpful.

The therapy that worked for her is called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It took awhile to find the right psychologist. Please keep looking and exploring treatment options. I am not a doctor and I don't know if CBT will help your son, but it would be worth looking into.

I also found a support person to help me and the rest of our family; a mental health nurse in private practice. I saw her weekly to get advice on how to help my daughter in real time. This advice was critical. She also helped our family to learn about how we could each support Sarah at home and to deal with our own feelings of sadness, frustration, etc. Again, critical.

It took a lot of work, effort and commitment but Sarah did get back to school and she reclaimed her life. Currently happy, healthy and studying at university. She may still have bad days but she will be okay because she has learned how to deal with her illness.

You are doing all the right things and you obviously love your son deeply. I want to encourage you to keep trying. It can get better.

Hang in there

[BumbleBumble]

Morning WF,

This is a difficult period in Jays life and he is fortunate to have such a loving father to support him through this. It is always good to hear first person stories such as Summer Rose's where children have managed to work their anxiety.

There is practical treatment options such as Cognative Behavioural Therapy (CBT). This can be provided through a clinical psychologist. CBT is a short term (10-12 sessions) goal orientated structure program that can be used to help managed anxiety. Please consider seeing Jay's GP for a referral through the Better Access program to a clinical psychologist. It means upto 10 sessions will be subsidised by the government.

Given Jay's age Youth services such as, Community Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service, Heads Space, YouthReach South, Youthlink, and Youth Axis, may also be able to provide therapy and support. A team based approach maybe more helpful shouldering some of the stress flowing onto family members.

You're doing a great job WF.