is distant education the answer to managing anxiety?

[Courage11]

Hi I need advice pls. My daughter has started high school this year and is struggling with anxiety she is 12. She has a previous OCD diagnosis (3 years ago) . Our problem is anxiety around attending school. She is insistent on doing high school by distant education. I am worried her anxiety will manifest in other ways. Her GP says bad idea, her psychologist says bad idea, her dad (we are divorced) says she should be allowed to choose and do it. I have told her I will be on board if a professional thinks that's the best option for her academically, socially and emotionally. Is there any one in a similar situation or is there anyone who can offer me advice, please and thank you.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Courage11,

Thank you for your post.

This feels like a difficult question because I can see all the perspectives on the situation and I don't think there's a right/wrong answer. Ultimately, the decision has to be up to you.

I'm wondering if it might be helpful to think of all the pro's and cons to weigh up your decision?

You mentioned in your post that this is something your daughter badly wanted, but what might happen after high school? Even though I'm not sure where the anxiety is around high school (peer pressure, grades, friendships, bullying) - all of those aspects are going to be there when she does finish. That is kind of the difficulty with avoidance; all of those anxieties aren't going away.

My other concern too is where she wants to go after high school from a career perspective. This might seem far away, but certain career paths make it very difficult to study distance. I studied a couple of subjects distance in high school and found it quite isolating, especially given how hard it was to interact with other teachers/students. If she needs a TER (University entrance score), this might be something worth considering.

and finally - I think it might be worth looking at the support she has around her. If she was to study all of high school distance (part-time might be an option), how can she manage her anxiety without being in the thick of it? What are the ways that she can be social if it's not through high school?

Hopefully this gives you something to think about.

[Courage11]

Thank you so much. Yes I've asked her to consider joining a club or team sports but she doesn't want to. She says she doesn't like "people". The real issue isn't being addressed with distance ed as an option in my opinion. Thank for your reply its very reassuring.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Courage

Your post takes me back a few years, yet it feels like just yesterday.

My daughter was 13 years old in year 7 and just diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. She did not want to attend school. She thought she was a freak. She thought she was a loser. And she thought she should give up. The idea of distance education was tossed around and debated in our home too.

As you already know, school is about much more than academics. It's about sports, music, excursions, drama, friends--life. I fully encouraged my daughter to persevere with school and I promised to be there every step of the way. I was ultimately able to convince my daughter that if she gave up on school attendance, anxiety and OCD win and that it was important to the course of her life that she win this battle.

My daughter chose to fight and I fully supported her. For me, this involved liaison with school around special consideration for lateness, organisation of a personal aid to help her manage organisation and to provide practical support and annual planning meetings around her academic program and then regular meetings with year level coordinators and teachers. It also meant that I removed myself from the paid workforce, so I could help my daughter to get to school each day.

For my daughter, it was a battle every morning for about three years--although it did slowly get easier over time. There were a lot of "two steps forwards, one step back" experiences. Sometimes she got to school on time, sometimes late, sometimes she made it for one or two important classes. But if she got there at all it was a win. That was one more time that OCD didn't rob her of her life.

My daughter is the bravest person I know. She graduated high school by following a tailor-made academic program, with wonderful friends, the benefit of school trip experiences, sporting accomplishments and the highest award for drama in year 12. She is currently studying architecture at university. She still has a tailored academic program to suit her needs but it doesn't matter. She will end up with the same degree as everyone else and be able to enjoy a rewarding career, financial independence and a full life.

I can't tell you what to do. You know your daughter best. You know what her school is like to deal with. But whatever you decide, I will be here at my keyboard and I will offer you my friendship and support. Hang in there.

Kindest thoughts to you and your girl