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Why am I so bad at keeping friends?
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I just graduated school, and I'm realising I never formed any close friendships. I have one best friend and one close friend that I will try to maintain contact with after school. I don't know why I am so bad at becoming close friends with people because I have acquaintances and friends but no close friends. It feels like everyone is close friends but I have no idea what I'm doing. It's worse because I feel scared that all my friends that I'm "close" to, actually don't reciprocate my feelings and think of me as a regular friend. It scares me that I'll grow old and I'll be lonely. It makes it worse that all my friends have started drinking when they're going out but I'm still too scared to get drunk and I only started trying to drink a couple of weeks ago. I feel like I'm socially stunted because I can never find the right words, or am accidentally offending people, or I'll come off as weird so recently I've realised that I'll avoid talking in group settings. I feel like I have no common sense or critical thinking skills, and I have no spacial or geographical awareness. I feel like I'm a bad friend because I always forget everyone's birthdays and don't really buy them gifts, and I am a bad listener because I always zone out. Everyone tries to baby me because I'm so socially inept. I don't know what is wrong with me. Is there anyway to learn how to act like a normal person? I just want to have close friends.
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Hello. I am a very good talker when i want to be. Talking is a skill that we learn through school and still learning as we get older. Knowing what to say when to say it and how to say it is the same as any skill. I know 60 yo people who still dont know how to talk and make friends. Start reading books and expand your knowledge base. A really special book I know i want you go library and get. It called " How to win friends and influence people " by Dale Carnegie.
This book will blow your mind and you will be smarter than most people around you. It so good im going to buy it tomorrow for myself and reread it
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Hi cantdothis,
Welcome to the forum. Thanks for sharing your story.
I can relate to you in many ways. I'm an introvert. I sometimes don't understand what people say until after everybody else responded to it. I sometimes end up saying something odd offending people. Often topics people discuss are not the ones I'm interested in. But despite all that I can assure you I have found few amazing friends alongs the way and it took time. They are like minded and I can be myself around them. So if you have to get drunk to be able to hangout with a group it already sounds toxic.
As Scared mentioned expanding your knowledge or improving your talking skills is always handy to be confident socially as well as in your career. The way I see it a friendship is bit of work similar to a relationship. I often zone out and pretty bad with memory too. So I put reminders for birthdays and other significant details and put lot of effort in to finding great gifts and to be there when my friends need me. Because by making sure my friends are happy makes me happy too...
