unbreably alone. always feeling empty, nothing makes me happy anymore. [looking for advice/guidance]

[Muon7]

im close to 18, and just finished my year 11 exams. i used to suffer from a bit of anxiety, which i fixed by myself over a few months. i now feel self confident in general, and have a few hobbies. my grades are average.

5 months ago i broke off from dating a girl, as we both thought she was not ready for a relationship. we still talk, or did until about a week ago, when she told me to get off her back, and that she had no friends. it really hurt hearing that, after i had tried my best to be there for her, and so have many others. i told her how much i was hurt by that, and she ignored me, and no longer speaks to me.

my best friend of 4 years met a girl at the beginning of the year. since then, he almost never speaks to me, unless its about his girlfriend, or if he needs tech related assistance. we used to talk almost every single day, or most days, now we share a sentence or two every week. after a conversation with his girlfriend, he also said he has no friends, and he feels as if no one cares about him, except for her.

6 months ago was the last time i saw my father. he verbally and mentally abused me until soon after i turned 17, when i decided to stay at my mothers. he made me feel useless and pathetic when he shook the house with his voice toward my step mother, my sister and i, when he was in physical pain, or had a bad day. on some nights, they would yell at each other over nothing until 12am. my parents divorced when i was 6 for this very same reason. however, when my parents were still together the abuse was physical, and left me sleeping on my stomach at some nights. on top of all that, half of his side of the family dislikes me, and my grandfather died recently too. his wisdom guided me.

i have been feeling like i am on autopilot for months now. i almost never speak to anyone, maybe saying a few sentences to people per day at school, and im barely self aware. when i get home, i still feel extremely isolated and alone. i feel so alone and i feel i have no purpose, at times i feel theres no way out, and no one to make me happy anymore. i used to be a rowdy, noisy guy, now i feel like theres a wall between me and others. my only friend is an angst teen i know from childhood, although is always there for me, but lives 2 hours away. every night i do homework, then sleep at 8pm because i have nothing to do, and no one to talk to. i dont want anyone i really care about to know, and to hurt them. if im trying my hardest, my hardest isnt enough i guess

[Sophie_M]

Hey Muon7, thanks for reaching out to our community tonight. We're glad to hear things are starting to get back on track, although, it certainly sounds like it has been a difficult past 5 months.  We're sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather, this must've been very difficult for you and we can hear that they meant a lot to you. It sounds as though living with your father was a very stressful experience and we're glad that you are no longer living there. We understand how draining and emotionally exhausting to have to walk on "egg-shells" in your own home is. We know many of our community members will relate to the experiences you are describing and may pop by to offer their advice.

Can we ask, do you have any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you don't have a lot of support from family or friends. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport 
They will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.
 
If you feel it may be helpful, you are also welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.
 

[Doolhof]

Hi Muon7,

Welcome to the community here. Sophie_M has provided you with a wonderful, supportive and informative response. I hope you do feel comfortable enough to use the support numbers that have been provided for you. Talking openly to someone when I am struggling has helped me immensely.

Do you have any hobbies or interests you can indulge in? I know Covid has been a huge issue as far as finding new people to interact with, are there opportunities for you to join some groups or clubs if they are running at present?

Would you consider some volunteer work? There is a huge variety of positions available. Your local council may be able to help you with that if you are interested.

I'm wondering if many people are feeling insecure and confused after the year we have had!

Are there support people at your school you can contact?

Is there one thing you would really like to do this weekend to help make you feel better about your day?

Regards from Dools