My relationships have never lasted long, my longest lasting three years, my shortest lasting one. I've moved house recently and unfriended 45 people on facebook, wiping my friends list clean without a second thought. A relative of mine pointed out how strange that was and it got me thinking.
For as long as I can remember, I've never really connected with anyone. I used to feel empathy for others' but over the years it's almost as if I've become numb to it. The closest I've come to caring about someone else on a deeper level is when I'm reading a book or watching a tv show. It's not like I don't care about people at all, I just have very shallow feelings towards them and it's easy for me to discard friends. I left my old house and on some level my life behind and I felt not an ounce of remorse towards what I have given up. You'd think the house I had grown up in for the majority of my life would hold more of a sentiment.
To be honest, it worries me. It hurts even. I feel like I lack or that I'm too different. I understand others when I watch them but when they're beside me I'm the most oblivious person in the world. It hurts because I'm always left with that question of "why".
I feel like I'm missing the one thing that everyone else has, that spark.
I do get lonely.
And it's not like I hate people, I just can't love them.
With the exception being my family but even that can be fragile.
Do you relate? Or do you know someone that feels similar?
Any idea what this could be? At this point in time I'm willing to accept any answer, even if you say it's perfectly normal. It's just difficult to accept that because everyone I have ever met has called me weird or strange or odd. I'm literally not kidding.
