Severe Depression - Running out of options.

[BH97]

Hi, my name is Ben, and I came to this site to talk about my ongoing battle with severe depression and body dysmorphic disorder. I have tried so many SSRI Medications, all of which haven done nothing but fail with me and cause a few side effects to my body. I have been off them for a year now and I'm too skeptical to go back on them, because I am sick and tired of booking doctors appointments only to end up feeling disappointed that they didn't do anything for me. I'm at the state where I'm so fed up and angry with everything, I just feel like crying. I have so many arguments with my parents about the lifestyle I live because it's like they don't understand why I'm house ridden for almost a week. I know deep down that I need to kick start my life but it is so stressful and hard that I feel like everyday is a constant battle and that nothing will ever change. I've lost an interest in a lot of the things I use to do, and now all that's flooding my brain is negative thoughts. Deep down this is killing me emotionally day by day, almost to the fact where I feel like dying. I'm not even sure why I'm typing this because I just feel like every time I make an effort to do something, I always feel emotionally exhausted. I'm completely lost with the state of how I'm suppose to feel, so much that I struggle to make my own decisions and function like a normal person would. Every time people ask me to come out with them, I deny it because of the way I feel at that time, when I refuse to go anywhere, I feel as though everything is my fault and I'm going insane. Sometimes I feel incredibly psychotic that I end up thinking what the hell is wrong with me? I just can't stand this anymore. What should I do? ... any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[SeanM92]

Hey Ben
Welcome to the forum

First of all i want to say, Relax.

I see that your very stressed with how your feeling whether its right or wrong or how to feel or that anything you try just doesn't help. Don't worry, i can relate. I suffer from major depression and anxiety disorders and i have a semi unique trait that my body gets used to any medication i take and makes it worthless so i literally have nothing i can do medical wise. The best advice i can give is just try to relax, your not the first person to feel that way and your no where near the last.

There is nothing wrong with you at all and that's something you need to keep in mind. Your not alone, its just a really long harder then normal patch in your life and you will get past it. You where strong enough to come here seeking help and to go to your GP and that says alot about a person. 

Something that may help is identify key things in your life like leisure activities that help you relax and when your feeling at your worst, focus on them, whether its gaming or art or music or what ever your into. treat yourself for being strong and eventually you will take away any doubt because you have shown yourself that you can still be human and move on even in your worst times.

Its all about the small victories.

Your always welcome here and Take care.