Relationship vs family - confused and overthinking

[Cjt121]

My anxiety is being triggered again by overthinking I think it is leading to worry. First of all I’m in a relationship of 6 months and my father isn’t very supportive of it at all. He has laid some ground rules that he doesn’t want to meet my boyfriend unless we have been dating for two years (I think this is way too far and it’s slowly killing me). He has this thing where he doesn’t think it will last and this worries me. I catch myself thinking “maybe he’s right” and it won’t last and I may as well break up with him now to save myself hurt. But I love him, I love him so much that it makes me cry. And I’m terrified of being left by him or alone. Secondly, we are moving out together next year in January but not just us two, with other people. Like a share house. My father has doubt about this and doesn’t think it’s a good idea, and my nan doesn’t either. But they both haven’t met him. My nan is more old school though and doesn’t entirely understand. I’m scared, confused and worried about the situation when I know I should be excited. I don’t like having these doubts clouding my head, I wanna do this and be happy. Why do I feel like this.

[BballJ]

Hi Cjt121,

I think we may have spoken on a previous thread of yours, if so, the moderators may ask you to merge you threads into one as to keep it all in one place, if I am getting you confused with someone else, my apologies.

I will still post about your above issue here.

Overthinking generally always leads to worry, it sort of goes hand in hand and I can see most of your worry is just that your dad won't meet your partner which in turn is causing you issues because you just want everyone to be happy about what you want. It is never easy to please all your family members and I understand you dad doesn't think it will last but is there really no chance he will meet your partner? I know you said it's only been 6 months and that may be part of his reasons and like your nan's as well. Unless you iron these issues out with your family I feel they may hang around, what happens when you speak with your dad about all of this, does he want to have the conversation?

You seem like someone who just wants everyone to be happy which is great and I do hope it works out for you.

My best for you,

Jay

[Yana8216]

Hi Cjt
I grew up in an environment where close family had a lot of influence over my decisions. It was because they cared, but no one can advise you on matters of the heart as only YOU know how you truly feel about someone. It can be difficult to work out your own feelings when you are being influenced by the desire to please family. I am seeing a psychologist who is helping me realise what I want in life and helping me get back in touch with my instincts ('gut feelings'). I think it's wonderful that you are moving to a share home with friends in January, this may give you the space you need to dispel confusion and get back your enthusiasm for life. It is important to follow your own desires for your own wellbeing. It can be difficult to do this if family doesn't approve, but I would suggest sticking to your decision in a strong but kind way. It is my belief that as an adult you don't owe anyone an explanation or an apology for the decisions you make.

[geoff]

hello Cjt121, good on you for posting, and just quickly, make them all wrong, you can't be unpersuaded throughout your life by your dad and/or nan all the time, times have certainly changed to when your nan was growing up and again the same for your dad, and remember what they did themselves when they were young, did their parents object to something they wanted to do, I'm sure they did, and you'll probably be the same when you have children, it's a never ending story.
If you can't do what you want to do then this is going to make you upset or annoyed, you can only learn by what you do, whether it's a success or something that has failed, how else can any of us learn to mature, experience. Geoff.