Really need advice

[Dani45]

I'll start off by saying I'm a 17 year old female currently in Year 12 and just joined beyond blue because I feel like I really need some advice

For a while now, I haven't felt like myself, and it's gotten to the point where my school friends continually ask me 'what's wrong?' which really makes me angry and upset all the time, because apparently I always have this look on my face where I shut everyone out, and I'm in my own world, thinking. It really started during the middle of this year, when I started to shut one of my closest friends out, who I used to tell everything to, and I'm not the type of person to open up to people, but she was one of my closest friends, and lately I have been shutting her out and getting angry at her all the time for no reason. I always apologise because when I'm in that mindset, I can't help what I think, and afterwards I always wonder why I was angry at her. It's been happening lately in social situations with my group of friends, whom I love, but everything is always usually fine in the beginning, and I'm really happy and sometimes it gets a bit too much for me to handle, and I always just completely shut off and am in a really bad mood. It happened a few weeks ago where we went for a BBQ and I arrived and everyone was already there, and I was just so angry for no reason at everyone and kept ignoring people's questions, that I just left and told everyone I had to go running that I could calm myself. And lately I've been shutting myself out, avoiding going out with everyone because I feel so bad, and I feel like I always ruin everything with my moods, and it makes everyone else feel weird. I've had anxiety before, but I don't feel like this has anything to do with it. I honestly don't know why I'm always so angry at my friends and in social situations , and I really don't want to feel this way, but I just can't help it. I automatically shut off after a period of happiness with my friends, and I always want to be alone afterwards to think...

I don't know if I'm overreacting, but maybe it's a small problem. I don't know, but some advice would be really great

[Guest_3072]

Hi Dani45! I don't think you're overreacting at all. I'm not sure about your current life situation but sometimes we can feel strong emotions and find it hard to identify where it's coming from. I would suggest maybe to start writing in a journal to be more self-reflective. In regards to your post, I think that a "thought awareness" type of journal would be a great start, where you would write the emotion that you are feeling and then write why you are feeling this way or whatever comes to mind. As a school student, is there any free counselling service that your school offers? I know that sometimes when I was at school, I would get angry and pin it down to me being introverted but sometimes, people just need or want to have their own time for themselves. Are you feeling pressured in some way by your friends to be someone you're not? Maybe the stress of your final year at school is causing some deep rooted emotions to rise. I don't know what else I can say but I think it's great that you came on here to ask for help! That's a start!

[Dani45]

Hi Gabby_01. Thanks for replying, and giving me advice it honestly means a lot as I feel I can't talk to anyone about this issue, because it just seems so minor and insignificant. I used to write a journal, but I stopped really long ago, but I think it might help if I write down my problems and face them head on. Yeah, we have a free counsellor within our school, but I really don't want any of my friends to know about it and as well as my family. If I go I think the school counsellor may contact my parents, as its an obligation, and I really don't want anyone to know, and I probably would sound stupid. It might be the stress of school, but I'm not sure but I've just been really snappy and rude with my friends lately. Today, especially, we went back to school, and I couldn't stand to be around them laughing, or smiling at each other, and when they would question something I said or ask me something, I would respond in such a rude and sarcastic manner, and I really don't want to act like that. I feel like I'm pushing all my friends away, as I keep ignoring them , and it's making myself feel bad and I always wonder if they hate me or if they think I'm being a brat or something. I don't want anyone to know, particularly my family because they just won't understand, and they will probably think I'm immature. Talking about it really helps though, in letting me understand the causes of maybe why I'm angry, but I honestly don't want to feel this way anymore, like I am being constantly judged for the way I act

[james1]

Hi Dani,

That sounds like a really difficult situation you're in and it's always difficult to know what to do.

Would you feel comfortable asking the counsellor in what cases they actually would contact your parents? It'd be nice to have someone to talk to face-to-face as well, and it's possible that the counsellor would keep your conversation confidential.

Still, I'm really glad you came to talk about it here as well. I don't think you're immature at all and I also don't think your happiness is a minor or insignificant issue. Sometimes when we're down, being surrounded by people who just don't understand is really tough. And we can keep a brave face for a while, but that breaks eventually, so it's really good that you're opening up to us.

Do you have any other friends, even those who may not be really close, who you think you could trust? I got a message from a friend the other day asking how I was and I was really pleasantly surprised because we rarely talk to each other, but she'd heard that I was down and cared about me.

One suggestion I would have is to not overanalyse your thoughts and feelings. I'm super guilty of it myself but rather than beating myself up about "Why did I say this?" and "Why do I feel like this?", which is really draining, I'm trying to instead accept how I feel. You can work out why you feel like this later, but now is the time to reach out to people and I'm really pleased that you're doing that. That's a sign of maturity.

Don't be too hard on yourself because this isn't your fault and you're doing the right thing by talking to us.

James