please help...

[shavon]

Okay. I’m this desperate and have no one to talk to about this so please be kind...

I am 17 and am pretty independent now in the sense that I don’t live with my parents anymore. However I need a lot of support at the moment and am NOT the kind to go out and get the right help unfortunately 😕

Here goes nothing, I tried smoking ice for the first time in 2017 (I’m not proud of it) Someone who I trusted and shouldn’t have given it to me did but anyway didn’t touch it after that, fast forward to January I met a man who was a few years older than me and he was addicted to ice and for some stupid reason I packed a bag and told my dad I was at my friends. (I have no idea why I did this) I was usually not like this but I packed a bag went with him and smoked crack with him for what felt like weeks because I didn’t sleep for 6 days. I have never been more disappointed in myself in my life! I was a mess. Dry reaching because I wasn’t eating, seeing things that weren’t there because I needed sleep and what felt like my rock bottom.

He ended up telling me he liked me right? I was like oh no no no, and said I can’t be with him because of the drugs. He then said he’d get off them to be with me.

He did. I was his reason to go back to his old self and go back home and work and do the right thing. He was clean for 3 months cold turkey. Then it was here and there on weekends as he works. Sadly I’d also be in on that.

my point is now I’m sitting here at 5am balling my eyes out feeling suicidal as hell. Because I am worried now I’ve either damaged my mental health worse that it already is, or am starting to get addicted 😞

I don’t have it every day or even once a week but when it’s there I can’t say no.

please help me I don’t want to be like this

[Sophie_M]

Hey Shavon,
Its Sophie from the moderation team at the Beyond Blue forums, I hope you don't mind us getting in touch with you. I'm writing to you as I'm concerned about your wellbeing. If you are at risk of self-harm or if you are feeling suicidal, we would strongly urge you to seek professional help as it is really important that you take immediate steps to keep yourself safe. You can do this by letting your parents and family know that you have been contemplating  suicide, speaking to your doctor if he or she is available, or attending the Emergency Department of your local hospital

If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

[Aaronsis]

Hi Shavon

I am so very proud of you for reaching out, you have some to a really safe place to get some support and to get some comfort at this time. No one is going to judge you here, just care for you. I can hear how frightened you are and I am so pleased you are here, reaching out for help, it is never too late and now is the time for you, to pack a bag and to take yourself out of that situation and that environment where drugs are accessible.

Firstly I am really disappointed that someone older is encouraging a person who is 17 years old to welcome this lifestyle and to leave the home that you were living at with your dad. I am wondering what the situation is with your dad and if you can reach out to him at this time? I know that is probably really hard and you perhaps may feel guilt and shame by calling him but I feel like you can really use his support right now.

The other thing you could do is call the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 and talk to one of the amazing people there who can provide some support to you at this time, they are so very kind and supportive too. I also want to echo what Sophie has said and if you are in danger right now to please call 000 and get an ambulance to come to you. I know you posted this awhile ago and I hope you are safe.

There is help available for you Shavon to get yourself out of this house and out of this environment and to start today, to protect your mental health as well as your physical health and your safety too. It is never to late to dump this lifestyle to really ensure that you don't become an addict and that these drugs don't harm you.

I can hear that you are feeling suicidal as hell, this must be so very frightening so please use the numbers to call for some help or even check in to emergency at your local hospital, you are worth it, you have a whole life ahead of you and this is just a time in your life, this does not have to define you or be how your whole life looks like. You are so very strong and have endured so much already as a young person. Reach out and take care of you.

Huge hugs to you Shavon and I hope to chat some more to you, we are here.

Hugs

AS