Partner suddenly packed her things and left

[Brendan94]

So my partner of 2 and a half years suddenly packed her things and left me and wouldn’t communicate what was going on.

2 weeks ago I’ve noticed she had been working strenuous hours at her work for me supporting ember stress with outings together and spa days for her.

Thursday she began saying she felt like she had let me down because she had been working such long hours and by the time she was home I was asleep and she would leave early morning before I was awake. She voiced she was confused with what she wanted to do with her uni and career and was a bit confused overall, throughout this whole time she was reassuring saying not to worry about us we just need to reconnect.

Friday night I asked if she wanted to go on a date night together and she was happy to do this, it wasn’t until later that day she decided to go for a drink with her sister instead.

Saturday she seemed a lot better after her gym session we went shopping together and got her pre gifts and presents for Christmas that’s she wanted so things seemed fine and again she was saying stop worrying about us we just need to reconnect over the holidays.

Same night she left to babysit at her bosses place and stayed with them (friends for over 8 years) she packed some things and said she would let me know if she would be home. It wasn’t until 12am I messaged to see if everything’s okay that she replied she wasn’t coming home.

Sunday she was at her mum and dads for the day and again she reassured me that morning to stop worrying about why would she give something so special up between us. That’s afternoon she called me and said she was grabbing her stuff and moving out to stay with her parents.

when she came by her parents and her boss from work arrived to take her stuff away, she could barely speak to me and would not communicate with me at all with what was going on. Her parents or her boss could barely speak or look at me and I’m left with so many questions not answered.

All I have been told is give her time and after she grabbed her things she took us off her socials etc.

I just don’t know what happened why would she reassure me of everything and say we just reconnect then suddenly pack up and leave, when we first met I told her my insecurities in a relationship etc and she had always said that communication is important and how not to give up and work together etc.

Just feel everything has been contradicted and I’m feeling so lost and don’t know what to do

[TishaJade]

Hi Brendan94,

I'm sorry to hear about the sudden breakup and I can only imagine you have an abundance of questions.

It sounds to me that this was a pre-planned scenario. She said she felt guilty for not spending time with you, and seemed confused about her career path, etc. This was most likely just a distraction or 'front'. It sounds to me like she had a lot of feelings about your relationship that she did not tell you about. She most likely changed plans to be with her sister because she felt she could talk to her about her doubts about your relationship. But after she spent the night babysitting, everything dramatically changed. She has most likely has voiced these feelings to her boss also, who has convinced a decision and hence was reluctant to return home to you. It seems she had a lot of time to think about things, and she wanted to reassure you in the meantime so that things didn't blow up before she had time to get out.

Seeing as she has made it clear you didn't need to worry, and then turned around and packed her bags and left has clearly left you quite torn and betrayed.

My only advice to you is to try and move past this as best as you can. Talk and lean on family for support. At the end of the day to leave you with no answers is not nice, and shows her lack of consideration for you. It sounds like you deserve better. I can understand if you feel like you need closure, and you need to know why she did it. But it's best to let the dust settle and in a few weeks express to her that you were upset by her sudden leaving, and that you accept if she is not happy, but that you would like to know why. It's best to not get angry, as she is only human, and entitled to her own feelings too.

Wish you the best of luck x

[Brendan94]

Thanks,

I just feel so contradicted when we first met I mentioned my relationship anxiety etc.

Throughout the relationship she would tell me how it’s all about communication and giving examples of her family “morals” being you stick by your partner etc.

For her to simply not communicate with me at all about what’s happened and when I asked her if we were finished she could only answer “maybe” and when I asked is it a yes or no she eventually gave it a yes but very hesitantly.

I don’t understand on the Saturday how she would say wanted to spend more time together then when I would offer she would say I need space we spend so much time together. And to go out Christmas shopping with her getting gifts etc to take them and then just leave I don’t get it.

This similar scenario happened with my previous relationship where she upped and left randomly out of nowhere so I’m left with a “reopened scar” and I’m just feeling shattered and crushed and lost.