Overwhelmed By Reality

[ahw309]

I'm overwhelmed.

It seems like everyone around me is crumbling and falling apart, all while life keeps blessing me with more good things. Every day I discover another person's struggles. I discover that the girl, whose brightness and ever-present joy I had always admired, is depressed. I discover one of my best friends struggles with paralysing anxiety, despite how together her life always seems. I discover my friend's parents are planning to get divorced. I discover a boy I know was recently diagnosed with cancer. I discover there are people of the same ethnicity as me, that have experienced so much racism, even though I've never experienced any. I discover just how many people live every day without enough food to survive, without a place to call home. People who live each day fearing for their lives in a war-torn place, or risking their lives to get away from these places, searching desperately for safety.

It feels like I'm in the middle of an ocean, standing, warm and dry, on a firm rock, while everyone around me is drowning in the water. I see my friends, my family, people from halfway across the world that I don't even know exist, all drowning around me and I am doing nothing at all to help them. All I so selfishly ever think about is the least painful way to jump off my rock.

Yes, there is so, so much good and beauty in the world, but there is also so much suffering. And that is just the suffering I know about.

What about all the people across the world who I don't know? The innocent people who are being hurt, abused, let down, betrayed every day? What about all the hidden suffering? The struggles people are going through all by themselves? What about the people who are too afraid to ask for help? The people who put on a brave face and always act like there's nothing wrong?

I live what seems like a perfect life and I have so, so much. But I feel so undeserving of all this. I think of a girl my age, struggling to get by because she doesn't have clean water to drink, dreaming every day of going to school. I think of another girl my age, who is trying her hardest to spread happiness, love, and hope to those around her, who uses her privileged position to truly help those in need. And then there's me. All I do is sit around and do nothing.

I feel absolutely helpless, useless and weak. And for that, I really hate myself. Whatever I do to try and help will never be enough. I will never be enough. My hands are shaking. It's just too much.

[Dorian_Gray]

Hey ahw309,

I hear you, I think what you’re experiencing is a kind of comparative
guilt, you look at your life and look at others and feel sick that you have privileged position compared to others and despite wanting to help feel unable to do so. I know what it is like, I have a good job, health, wealth, yet I only think about what I don’t have and how much easier it would be to just quit living, and I still at times feel sick with myself about how I want more when others would do anything to live the life I do.

It’s natural to feel empathy for people suffering and want to assist them, it’s a useful biological function that helped the survival of our ancestors. The difference was they lived in small groups and were not made aware of the vast scale of suffering that exists across the world like we are today via news/internet etc. There is an old idea that you cannot want something you do not know exists, also you cannot feel empathy for suffering you do not know exists, and we are now saturated by it more than ever.

You’re not responsible for the suffering of others, you didn’t cause it either by your actions or perceived inaction so you have no responsibility in preventing/fixing it. You’re only human, limited in what you can do and achieve, for most people just surviving day to day is all they are physically and mentally capable of doing it is just a biological and social fact, those who do have the resources to assist other aren’t any better as people or more worthy, they just lucked out in the genetic/place of birth lottery.

No one can ever do enough to solve all the world’s problems, no one has that kind of omnipotence. And you’re not selfish or undeserving, you never chose to be born or raised in the society you found yourself in, or the parents you had, schooling etc. In the same way those who are relatively less well off had no choice either in those things, it is just a horrid roll of the dice that puts us where we are.

We are all weak and ultimately helpless, to despise that about yourself is I think to set the bar too high, don’t aim to want to help everyone, just do what you can for yourself, try and build your own resources first – you can’t give what you don’t have – hence you can’t give the time and resources needed to help others if you don’t have enough to keep yourself going.

[ahw309]

Hi Dorian_Gray,

Thank you so much for replying 🙂 I was kind of hoping no one would see this because I posted it when my anxiety levels were super high, and wasn't thinking as clearly, and regretted it straight away haha (as I do most things), but I guess it was good to get it out, and your reply is very much appreciated! Nice to know people feel me on this 🙂

I know as humans we are so limited, and it's stupid to feel so bad for not being able to help everyone! And I'm actually a pretty firm believer in small acts of kindness rather than large scale. Changing just one person's world for the better can have so many positive ripple effects in the person's life and the greater community! But knowing that the people you live with, see and interact with every day are all going through different personal struggles that you don't know about is pretty overwhelming, especially seeing them so often yet not doing anything to offer help or support!

All the time I just feel like all I do is take away from society (always being annoying, unhelpful, in the way, etc), and give nothing back. It also kind of frustrates me that I'm not doing what I want to do in life, not making the most of all the amazing things and opportunities I have, and I lack so much motivation and direction. I know I'm still so, so young though, and have a lot of life ahead of me to do whatever I want! An extremely scary but also a pretty exciting and liberating thought! 🙂

I guess part of the beauty and strangeness and uniqueness of life also lies in the fact that we are all so different and have all these different experiences that make us who we are! I know without my experiences with depression/anxiety I would be a really different person, and I've actually gained so much from my hurt and struggle. Hardship is so necessary and formative sometimes, so I should also think of it all this way!

You're right about the fact that we should first focus on ourselves, so that we're able to help and give to others, but it's hard to remember that, as it's so, so much easier to love and care for other people than it is to care for yourself!!! You're also right in saying we're all ultimately helpless - I think I'll try and take that off the list of reasons why I hate myself hahaha 😉 We are only human!

Thanks again for your reply and hope you're well!

(I like your username by the way, is it from Wilde's novel The Picture of Dorian Gray? If it is, that book is one of many favourites of mine :))

[Dorian_Gray]

Hi ahw309,


Glad you’re feeling somewhat more upbeat! You’re right it is good to express thoughts like that rather than keeping them pent up inside. Sometimes you just need someone to agree with you so you don't feel your the only one.



You’re right small acts are better, and everyone has their own struggles...I’ve found that often due to each person’s uniqueness they can most effectively help others in certain ways -like some people have a lot of social energy and can help people who have social anxiety (something I’ve struggled with a lot), other people have a more steady and logical mind and can help people who are a bit too reckless – in that sense I think you can specialize a bit in what little help you can offer based on your experiences, not trying to compare what you can offer to what is usually touted as eing helpful (big donations, volunteering etc.). So do what you can based on what talents you
already have.



Don’t feel too bad about ‘missing’ opportunities, more often than not you only see what was a so called ‘opportunity’ with hindsight – like you may hear of a job opportunity, not go for it and then find out the person who got it was really successful, taken under wing by the company CEO or something – sound like a missed opportunity, but only by looking backwards, you can’t know what will happen from the start. Not everyone has a lot of motivation and drive, it is a just we have a society that esteems that trait. but really society needs all kinds of different types of people to operate effectively, from the creative driven entrepenaur to the stolid account who balances the books behind the scenes so they don't have to. Sometimes just being in society is contirbuting to it.



Take care,

Dorian

(Yeah it’s the Picture of Dorian Gray....the idea is I tryand look at myself honestly like Gray does – sees his own soul/character as it truly is, no matter how vile it may be)

[Narniakid]

Hey there ahw309, thank you for posting.

I hear where you're coming from - I have had similar feelings witnessing all the tragedy and bad luck in the world, and it is difficult to deal with being one of the lucky ones. Having all this news at our fingertips is bittersweet, and it's easy to get overwhelmed.

Reading your conversation, I think DG has offered you some great advice and insight, as have you, and it's lovely that you're feeling a little more positive about the matter. Don't underestimate yourself, we can all do our bit to make the world a better place, and just talking about the issue is already making a difference 🙂

Thanks for sharing!

Best wishes,

Crystal