Not sure if just extremely apathetic and lazy, or just who I am?

[guest_13]

Hi all, I'm new here and I'm just having some conflict on whether I should seek help or not for depression/anxiety. I know your probably thinking "just go there, they'll diagnose you and see if it is or isn't" but the thing is, no matter how much problems I have, I believe I'm just extremely apathetic and lazy.

 Ive lived like this for about a year or so, so no matter how much I look back and acknowledge how depressed I am, my lack of emotion and feeling numb, my isolation and withdrawal for everything and just my constant lack of interest or motivation with anything, I still can't acknowledge that something is wrong, for some reason. Maybe it's just that since it's been like this for a while, I believe its who I am and it's just my personality?

 Is it just me that has this issue? I did talk to a counsellor but my self-doubt and the belief that I was making up everything I said made it too hard to get my idea across, because I just can't trust my own word

[White_Rose]

Dear Guest

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Despite your imagined laziness you have managed to post on BB. Congratulations.

Tell me, do you feel lazy in any other way? Are you lazy at work, in your interactions with friends and family, or any other area of your life? And if not, why should you be lazy in your depressive state?

Being depressed is horrible, no two ways about it. Depression messes with your mind and makes you believe you are strange, unlovable, lazy in most of your life.  It is possible that you are reluctant to seek help for your depression, but this is the normal state of mind.

Actually it's quite normal to avoid finding out anything definitive with any major illness you suspect you may have. The world is full, or was full, of people who put off getting a medical opinion because they thought they may have something seriously wrong with them. So don't be an ostrich. Go and get a proper diagnosis.

Also read as much as possible about depression. It will help you understand the condition much better and who knows, you may not have depression. Search this site and read as much as you can. Either download the material or ask BB to send copies. Be informed. That's a relatively easy step. Then go and see your GP.

If you are wrong that's great. If you are right you will get help to get back on your feet. I do understand the feeling of apathy and also beating yourself up because you may not be telling the truth. Why would you make up such a condition? If you have certain feelings then talk about them to the medical professionals. Trust me, they can pick up if you are making things up or exaggerating. Though I have to say I believe you are depressed and need help immediately.

I would love to hear from you again, especially if you make that appointment. But be assured, there will always be someone here to talk to. One last suggestion. Phone the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636 and have a chat. Help is available 24/7 and it does not commit you to anything.

Go for it.

Mary

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi guest 13,

Thanks for reaching out to BB.

What's making you think that you are lazy?

I agree with what Mary wrote above when she said "despite your laziness you've managed to post on BB".  This is so true.  If you truly were lazy and apathetic or didn't care, I don't think that you'd be interested in posting on here.  But you've done that- so maybe there's a part of you that's not lazy 😉 

 You said that you reached out to a counsellor but couldn't trust your own word.  I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that - but the thing with counsellors and therapists is that it's okay to not trust your own word, because they are just there to be there for you.  There's no right or wrong way to see a counsellor.  Just talk.

Also I think an important thing to remember about depression and anxiety is that a big stigma of that is 'laziness' - in that we either don't want to or don't care.  But I don't think that's true.  I just think it just gets buried, so we need to uncover it.

Keep reaching out, and good luck. 🙂

[guest_13]

Thank you both for your words, I'm seeing a doctor about it tomorrow Hope fully. I think the main reason I'm doubting myself is because it happened gradually over such a long period, that even now, I still just believe its part of my personality. Its only been the last few weeks that I can be sure of, because its now that I realise that somethibg may not be right.

I feel like for a long time i just couldn't concentrate on anything at school and I can never make choices by myself because I feel like I'm always wrong and something is wrong with me. Its only the past few weeks that I've realized I go through the entire day just feeling numb, and although it cheers me up a bit if my friends talk to me, the feeling just dies into nothing not long after. If I feel like I legitimately laugh, I have no sense of positivity or "feel good" after it, its like it didn't happen. I also never realized that I complain to people at school that I'm always tired, but even if I get heaps of sleep on the weekend it doesn't change much.

 I feel like i have no hobbies and interests left at all except listening to music and checking things on my phone whilst trying to sleep the day away, I have nothing else. But then it irritates me when my mum says to go do something instead of sleeping all day because I don't care about anything, and it males me restless if I do. I feel whenever I do something, I'm forcing myself, so I never really enjoy the activity and I beat myself up over it all day about what's wrong with me. 

 Maybe I do have emotions left, its just really dull so if I do feel something, its not strong enough of a feeling, and I deny that I ever felt good in the first place. Whenever there is an event or activity at school, I never participate in it and I always don't get why everyone is laughing/smiling for the entire thing because I just want to get away from it all. I think thats why music is important to me to escape this stuff, and it does give me some motivation and energy, surprisingly.

 Despite this, I've always put it off as I was just really introverted, and it exhausted me talk to someone for 5mins, and even my friends just say that I'm getting lazier and I should just stop and do stuff, but I just can't care enough or get motivation to do anything. When I think about it I haven't done anything but get worse over 1yr and a half or so. I still don't believe anything is wrong with me though, I just though I have a depressive personality.

[Narniakid]

Hi guest 13 and welcome to BB!

You are showing some of the symptoms of depression, particularly the laziness and lack of motivation, however what I would do if I were you would be to have a look at the information on depression here on the website, and do a checklist - if I can recall correctly, it's about 3 or 4 symptoms that you should be starting to question whether or not you have depression. The mere fact of denial is also extremely common in depression, so I'd take that into consideration as well. 

There's a chance it is just your personality, however if you feel overly critical of yourself and everything you do, and negative thoughts are popping up in every aspect of your life, seek professional help; better to be safe than sorry!

Good luck!

Crystal

[guest_13]

Thanks everyone, I know it seems kinda pointless that I posted on here and I should've just gone for a checkup straight away, but I just had doubt's. Being on here gave me a bit of will to actually go get a checkup, and unfortunately I do have depression and a anxiety disorder 😞

[Sandyrah]

Hi there.

It's fantastic that you have recognised these emotions which has led you to post on this forum. That's a good thing that you are reaching out for some sort of support or advice. It can be daunting going to a doctor or a counsellor and essentially telling a stranger about your problems. I didn't open up to all of my psychologists or psychiatrists over the last 10 years when I was in and out of psych wards, because I would get a different, new doctor basically every few months and it became exhausting having to tell my story to someone new all over again.

I find that even talking to a trusted friend or family member about how you are feeling, or what you are experiencing can give you a whole new perspective on your emotions. Find out perhaps why you may be feeling apathetic. It usually is a sign of some form of depression, especially if it lasts for more than 2 weeks and you have lost interest in all your usual favourite activities.

There are alot of websites you can go on, including the Beyond Blue information sheets that describe the symptoms of depression. Some of them use "checklists" so compare your symptoms or the feelings you are experiencing against the depression checklists. A good guide I have found is on the Beyond Blue website itself: https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/understand-what's-going-on/depression

Let us know how you go if you decide to go to a doctor or counsellor. It's handy to have a list ready with you, to help you explain the things you are experiencing. Do not blame yourself. Just try to accept that you are human and are naturally going to feel a range of emotions in your life. It's whether you let these emotions and feelings dictate your actions that can determine if you need help from a mental health care professional.

I wish you all the best and hope you start to feel better soon.

Sandra

[PatT]

Hey guest13,

what you're feeling sounds pretty normal for someone who is experiencing the things you are. Everything seems a massive effort, we hate how we feel but we don't have the energy to seek out help, it might not even work, what if we can't communicate it effectively etc.

You aren't alone in feeling this way. I've been through many periods of this absolute defeatedness. You really need to push yourself to speak to somebody though. With anxiety/depression, it very rarely resolves itself. It might seem so ridiculously daunting or tiresome to try and do something about it, but there is so much help out there, if we can muster up the courage to access it.

If you're worried about not getting your ideas across to a counsellor - don't be. They're educated to be able to extract information from you, even if you don't necessarily happen to be saying it. And it won't just be the one session. Over a few, they'll be able to paint a pretty good picture of you and from that they will be able to start helping you.

And make sure you're doing a few things for yourself - socialisation, physical activity and creative release. These few simple things can help you immensely. 

All the best, 

Pat.

[pockets4health]

Hey Guest13

It's not at all pointless that you came on here. It took me a long long time to work up the courage to go see someone about my feelings of apathy and low mood and there were a lot of people who had to nudge me in the right direction before I was able to really accept it and do something about it. Consider this as your nudge!

I'm glad that you went to see your doctor and have now been diagnosed. I know it must be a very daunting and difficult thing to understand but this is your opportunity to ask for more from life than what you have. I'm not saying it's going to be an easy road but I hope that one day you can look back on it as a blessing in disguise. 

Let us know how you're going 

Best of luck

V