my son wont talk

Justjan · ‎15-08-2018

My 18 yr old son got very intoxicated last week and broke a fire extinguisher at a servo and now has to go to court for damage to property. He is so stressed out about it and doesnt want anyone else but me to know. How do I get him to be ok with telling his mates and his dad. This behavior is very out of character for him, he has never been in trouble before turning 18 and drinking. He has admitted that he is struggling with anxiety and has gone to seek counseling last week. They assessed him and we are now waiting for his sessions to start so he can talk about his issues.

LavenderTea · ‎15-08-2018

Hey Justjan,

Thank you for posting.

I'd imagine you'd be stressed out about this, especially keeping this from other people, when you need a bit of support in order to support him.

This sounds like it's happened fairly recently, and as you've said, this seems out of character, so he might be a little bit embarrassed about his behaivour and not ready to talk about it just yet.

I'm glad to hear that he's seeking help for his anxiety. Sometimes when people are feeling anxious, they will drink in order to relax a little bit. This might have been the case for your son in that instance, which subsequently led to the damaged property experience. It suggests, again, that he might not be ready to talk about his anxieties and such at this current point in time. Sometimes, it's hard to do so right at the start so I think this one is going to take some time. Give him some space to have his sessions, and let him discuss this with the counsellor, give him support, and try not to pry too much if he doesn't feel like talking, but encourage him, and tell him that you're there for him if he does want to talk about it.

LT.

Justjan · ‎15-08-2018

Thanks for yr words. Its hard to know if Im talking too much or not enough, am I asking the right questions, do I give him space. I just keep hugging him and telling him that I love him and we will get thru this. My husband works out of state and my son asked me not to tell him. I agreed I would not until he came home. He will just be very stressed out and not be able to do anything to help from there. Its also not a conversation I want to have over the phone. So i am feeling really guilty but I hope Im doing the right thing for my son. We had a chat earlier and he said he would think about opening up to 1 of his friends, I really hope he does. I know going to court must be so scary for him but our lawyer has said it will probably be a fine.

LavenderTea · ‎16-08-2018

Hey Jan,

It really can be a struggle to find a balance between too much and not enough.

I understand that it can be hard not sharing this with your partner, but I think that what you've done is the right thing. I'm really glad to hear that your son has started to think about opening up to one of his friends - it's a start.

Yeah, I'd imagine it would be pretty scary but he does seem to have some support behind him (i.e. YOU!).