Life sucks eternally

[Guesy_839]

So the school holidays are finishing up, and since it's the start of the year, it's the start of a new grade and all of that. I'm going into Yr 9, and now it's sort of dawning on me that soon I have to think about getting a licence, and tricky school stuff and growing up...

The thought of growing up was never really something I fantisized about as a kid, like I just never thought It'd happen. Like something would happen, and I would never really get past "Now". It's a bit tricky to explain. But year 1 turned to 2, and 2 turned to 3 and so on, and now I'm in year 6 after a horrible incident just after graduation just feeling eteranlly sick (Anxiety sucks) and wow I finally think year 7's over and oh boy year 8's gone and now I'm here. And I don't like it.

I've always felt behind kids my age when it came to maturity in a way. Kids in my grade are currently posting stupid picture of themselves on the internet and beaning each other with apples, and I don't feel I can reach that yet. I have a learning disability as well, so that might explain stuff.

The actual thought of growing up, getting a job, having to drive and just do everything just makes me sick. The whole "Something will happen and you won't get past now" thing is only starting to really wear off, and I can't calm myself down much. I also don't really feel hungry as much as I used to, and I've been told I look a bit pale (To be fair, I'm pretty white though). Like I just can't handle things like I used to.

Middle school already sucks, and it's completly drained me, I don't have the energy for much anymore, and I now have weird habits, like I rub my hands together a lot, and my foot just can't stay still while I'm sitting. And I massivly pace. That, too.

I think the only things that have kept me sane for the past two years are a few friends, my favorite movie, and my imagination (I used to get paranoid it would go with age when I was like 12).

I'm running out of characters, and time, so yeah. I'll leave it at that. I spewed my words a bit, so sorry it's long.

Sierra

[Doolhof]

Hi Sierra,

Growing up, hormones, school, family life, your expectations, other people's expectations, Facebook, other social media, all of those things can create a multitude of different thoughts and feelings about life.

Would you consider calling the Beyond Blue support line to see if they can make some recommendations of people who may be able to help you?

Are there support people within your school you could talk to when school resumes?

One thing that can be hard while at school, is to be yourself. You do not have to be someone whom you are not. It is okay to be part of the Facebook crowd. What ever goes on Facebook is seen by heaps of people. There may be some images people will regret later on in life.

Negative thoughts and feelings are easy to think about. Are there some things in your life that you do enjoy? Can you try to enhance those things, increase the amount of time you spend doing things you like.

Is there something about driving that you are fearful of? Not everyone drives.

How do you like to use your imagination? Can you write down some of the things involved with imagination? Do you like be creative as well?

I'd like to encourage you to talk to someone about how you are feeling.

You are always welcome to share here on the forum.

Cheers to you from Dools

[white knight]

Hi Sierra, welcome

A good well written post. The content is, from an outsider summed up as - worry.

Worry produces nothing but stomach ulcers. Ive had them, peptic ulcers. Not good. Disecting everything is a reflection of this.

Developments are accelerating in your life at your age. Take one challenge at a time.

Add to that, your emotional immaturity you admit you have compared to your friends. Then your issues become more complex and justifies a visit to your GP.

You can read a couple of threads. Use google

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue Topic running around trying to save the world

All the best. Repost anytime

TonyWK

[Guesy_839]

Hi Dools,

Sorry I didn't respond quick enough. Life's been busy.

I've considered calling the support line, but I don't have a phone number I can use, so there goes that. When it comes to talk to people at school, I had a counselor, but I'm close to losing her because of the school policy. It's non negociable. When it comes to driving though, just the thought of it just puts me off.

When it comes to my imagination, I make short stories, and characters, and just these little worlds for the characters, and I just absolutley love it. It's probably the one thing I've got in life now. Now that I'm getting older, I have less time to do those things, which sucks.

Sierra

[therising]

Hi sisisierra

We tend to have a handful of those around us who like to dictate what stage we should be at when it comes to personal development. I'm 48 and I've still got people in my life who like to tell me what I should be doing with my life (they just can't help themselves).

Regarding the maturity thing, don't be too hard on yourself. Whilst my 16yo daughter is more socially mature than her 13yo brother, her brother has the wisdom of a sage at times. Eg: I once asked him 'How can I be a better person?' His response, 'You already are!' sisisierra, as my son pointed out in this case, sometimes we can be so focused on improving our self, we can lose sight of just how far we've come (which often involves an admirable amount of progress). By the way, getting your learners permit is really a choice thing, no need to be in such a hurry. For some, it's a priority for one reason or another whereas for others it's one of those things they'll get around to a bit later on when they're feeling more inspired to want to drive. The thing to also keep in mind, when it comes to maturity: There's a strong possibility that you will look back at this time in your life (in years to come) and realise you were actually one of the more mature ones. Eg: There may be people around you who might consider experimenting with alcohol because they want to feel more mature, yet they may be the same ones who end up vomiting in a corner somewhere based on their decision. It's best to base our level of maturity on 'conscious evolution', aiming to become the best version of our self. If this is your goal, you can't go too far wrong.

We can be pretty quirky creatures at times with our 'weird' habits. The pacing and hand rubbing etc may be your brain's way of calming you down. Personally, I tend to hum and don't realise I'm doing this until I eventually catch myself. I typically do it when I'm a little stressed and end up feeling calmer for it.

Imagination...this remains one of our greatest assets in life, no matter our age, so keep on exercising it as much as possible in a variety of ways. Dream big, set goals, never stop writing and always remain true to yourself.

Take care

Oh...and if people have observed you as looking a little more pale than usual and you are feeling pretty drained, it's worth a checkup with your GP. It would pay to query a possible iron or B12 deficiency or something like that.