I wish i was someone else

[LP2018]

Hi, this is my first time post on here, i have gone to sign up a few times but i never do as i feel like no one would care anyways. But here i am. My issue is i have a daily struggle to like myself. I am obsessed with my flaws and i feel very unattractive. I have never fitted in when i was a child right through highschool. I was always bullied for looking different. My home life with my parents wasnt good, I was very depressed in high school and contemplated suicide but i got help for this and now no longer have those thoughts. But I feel if i was pretty my life would be so much better, i am happly married and he loves me so much and thinks i look beautiful but i feel if i was prettier he would be happier. I have lost friends because i feel i dont deserve them. I just dont feel apart of this world somedays. There is no one to talk to about this i try and reach out to my family and frienda about my insecurity and they brush it off and call me silly for thinking i am ugly. I feel jealous of beautiful women that get compliments all the time which makes me feel like a terrible person for having jealous thoughts. I know looks arent everything but i am really struggling to get over this.

[RandR]

Hello and good evening 🙂

I love your first BB post BTW. Short and to the point. But more importantly, you took a chance and wrote and that's a big step.

So, I feel we are somewhat alike after reading your post about who you feel you are. Looking different and not fitting in. We are the black sheep. And like diamonds, we are a rarity in life 🙂

Furthermore, you sound like a somewhat perfectionist? As for the being bullied part, I was subjected to that all through 'primary' school and not high school. All for being a darker skin. Talk about life teaching you a lot about humans at an early age. I won't go into it but you're welcome to ask sometime if you would like me to elaborate.

Drawing comparisons....I used to do that a lot too, until my mind and I became one. The book my girlfriend gave me called 'The Art of Not Giving a F&^*' by Sarah Knight was a great read and I highly recommend it.

Your married, your partner loves you very much and you have friends that think you're attractive. That doesn't sound all that bad. When you look at someone, what is your definition of 'attractive'? Appearance? Physical aesthetics? Personality? Character? Confidence? Humility?

I see a lot of 'I's' in your post. What about externally? What does your partner think of you? Your friends?

We are always our biggest critics.

All in all, I won't lie, I always have found myself to be somewhat unique and 'different'. Truth be told, I, for a long long time, felt myself to not be worthy of anyone/someone.

I hope this helps and happy that you had the courage to reach out 🙂

Kindest regards,

Raman 🙂

[managreen26]

Hello LP2018,

My advice would be to try and learn to appreciate your own beauty.
You can learn to view yourself in the same way that you look at others and admire them. It will take a lot of time and practice but I find that self-esteem slowly grows when nurtured.
There seem to be a lot of positives in your life already, you have a loving husband, friends and family that listen to you and every day is an opportunity to be a better person. Whenever you find yourself overcome with thoughts of jealousy and insecurity, make an attempt to interrupt yourself with something hopeful like 'I've made it through worse.' or 'There are people who love me for who I am.'
These tips have helped me but with all advice you need to figure out whats best for you and your situation.

Good luck, please keep us updated with your journey.

[Croix]

Dear LP2018~

When you see a person you think is beautiful, consider what is inside. How many wonderful looking film stars divorce as reported in the magazines you see in doctors' waiting rooms 🙂

It is very hard to have perspective or even receive compliments when those internal voices of anxiety and self-doubt keep saying the worst. I'm sure those around you are genuine in saying you are attractive both in your nature and your looks. Sadly it does not seem to gel or sink in.

I think Managreen26 was spot on saying "self-esteem slowly grows when nurtured". You have had years of the opposite, firstly by idiot bullies at school, followed by a less than happy home. Now your inner voices have taken up the tune.

Rather than words how about accomplishments? Try to think of small things (OK, big things if you like) you can do, are good at, can succeed at. Anything from baking pies to fixing bicycles to singing to ... well I've no idea, but you must. What accomplishments can you point to and repeat over and over in your life? Each time a little chip will come off that hard knot of self-dislike. Don't stick just to one thing, fill your life with positive.

I'm not pretending it is an instant fix, but it does help as time goes on. Satisfaction in one area percolates to other areas, including feelings of being attractive.

Croix