Im a 24 year old male and since approximately 6 years my mental health has progressively been declining to the point where I have been suffering serious depression which of late has really taken control of my body.
To provide a little context, my childhood was okay but not great. My parents were together until I was 18 but they should have divorced a long time before... they resented each other and constantly fought, and my father was never much of a father figure at all. They finally divorced not long after I finished high school, which was hardly a shock for me. But I think the whole ordeal and childhood has affected me quite a lot and given me quite bad abandonment and commitment issues as well as a lot of built up anger.
Separately, I had always dreamed of becoming a pilot for my career. This is all I wanted to do since I was a child. I went to do my aviation medical with my dad at the end of year 12 but I failed over the most insignificant thing which was blown completely out of proportion by my father. I was stressed from that point as I had to very quickly (in the space of a few days) pick something else to study, but I didn't really have any proper backups as Aviation was all I wanted to do. I picked Geology, and completed the degree but absolutely hated it. I have been working in the industry for 3 years now and absolutely hate it. All I can think about is Aviation, and it just feels like i'm in this job because I was forced to.
Thirdly, I am a bisexual guy going through quite a bad identity crisis. I thought I was comfortable in my own skin but i'm really questioning that now. It is really causing me quite serious anxiety. I have been in multiple short relationships which never seem to progress to anything serious because I can never fully open up and commit (a protection mechanism??), but I seriously cannot handle any more rejection. I was recently dumped for my poor communication skills, and I have so much regret. I know I should have opened up more.
I really don't know what to do any more. I have reached rock bottom, and i'm only 24. I feel completely lost. If one thing in my life was going right, maybe my depression wouldn't be so bad but the fact is, I hate my job and have no idea what career to do and I ruin every relationship. I just feel like a complete failure of a person with no purpose and no positive prospects for the future.
Have thought about quitting my job but I just don't know what I would do. Any advice is welcome. Cheers
