i feel very lonely, no friends at all

[anaeternal]

hi everyone , im new to this forum and im here just because i feel so sad and down ,i appreciate your help thankfully , most of my life i was all alone, i never had a friend in my school days and if i had one they were some classmates in secondary school or now in collage , they are not real friends and they come to me whenever they nedd me for school matters or something related, i cant talk to them like a friend , i feel very depressed that i can talk to no one and no one really wants to be my friend except for  getting benefits from me. i have a boyfriend for tow years , and for one year i was extremely happy and had no more problem and during the time i wasnt the old sad me , , but i feel very needy and dependent to him now and it sucks ,it makes me feel dump and relevant person and it makes me like a miserable girl,i know men dont lke this type of women ,  i need all his attention and that`s right he supports me most of the time but he has his friends, life , etc , i feel he ignores me sometimes he says he cant spend all the time with me. when we are not together we dont talk to message each other that much .but he says he loves me , i dont know what to do , how to make friends because im not a social person and people are not interested at me and neither i , sometimes i hate all the people around me but i still need some special ones that understands me and i understand them and how not to lose my boyfriend because i gets angry of him most of times and also makes him angry and sad with my words, and i dont want to hurt him but i cant stop this, the feeling of lonliness and having no friend rush to my head all the time and makes me pathetic 

[Silverorchid77]

Hello, welcome to Beyond Blue. You've taken a positive step towards recovery for seeking help.

I know it can be hard making friends, especially ones that you feel like you can trust and talk to. I would suggest trying new things, such as joining a sporting or hobby group or even getting involved within the community at local schools or charities, you'd be given the opportunity to meet new people, feel good about yourself for helping people out and also it would be a good distraction from all the pain you feel. Have a look into what options your community has for extracurricular activities, you might even enjoy it,

One handy hint in making friends is taking an interest in the other persons life, ask them out for coffee and just learn details about their lives and particularly don't talk about any of your problems until later in the friendship as it might scare them beforehand.

As for your boyfriend trouble, I  recommend giving him some space. He's been with you these past two years and he's stuck around, I can guarantee this guy loves you. You just need to back off a bit and give him some space, you don't want him to feel like he's trapped. Let him hang out with his friends and have some time to himself, that doesn't mean he loves you any less, he just also needs to establish his own life. Another idea is to take a holiday, preferably a romantic one where you can find that happiness you did in the first year.

I wish you the best, and good luck. Let me know what happens.

P.s. I'll be your friend 🙂

Silverorchid.

[AGrace]

Hi anaeternal,

Along with SilverOrchid, I'd like to welcome you to Beyondblue. Good on you for reaching out for some support. I hope here you will find a very friendly community full of people who are prepared to listen and if possible offer advice, without judgement.

It can be really difficult when we feel like our partners are the only ones we can rely on, so I hope in coming here you may find another outlet to talk, and just by posting here you're practicing what it would be like to meet people offline. Your boyfriend sounds like he's really happy to be with you, but when our mood is low it's difficult to believe that we are worth this attention. Being vulnerable with your partner can only make your relationship stronger as he gets to see the real you and love you all the same. Your right, he still needs his friends and he still needs to live his life, the thing is he's chosen to do that with you. They say the honeymoon period ceases after 12 months, so it's natural that you don't feel the same today as you did when you first met.

Despite friends, I was wondering if you have ever thought of speaking with your GP about your concerns? Sometimes speaking with a professional can be more helpful, and they can give you some guidance in terms of boosting your confidence so that you feel like being more social.

It's not nice to think that you've gone through life without friends, but there's still opportunity now. SilverOrchid is right in saying that you might like to consider meeting friends outside of your studies. The other thing to remember is that you don't need to have 100's of friends, and sometimes thinking about obtaining a group of friends can feel like a lot of pressure. Not really feeling like socialising can make meeting people a challenge so perhaps start small. Joining a community group is a good idea, as most of the people there have the same intentions, they want to meet people. What are you studying? What other interests do you have? For instance if you like reading you could search for a book club near you. In terms of communication, most people respond well to questions. You can ask simple questions "What sort of work do you do?" "Have you travelled before?" "Are you in a relationship?" when you ask the questions you can add your response in after they've answered. 

I won't go too much further. I did also want to ask if any of your boyfriends friends have girlfriends? Have you had a chance to meet them?

Let us know your thoughts.

AG

[anaeternal]

silverorchild 77

tnx for your nice friendly support , im glad you take your time and answer ,

i know i have to find a friend , i just want a close friend , i dont know if i cant find one in goroups you mentioned , but i hope so , its easier to get through my life with close firends not a bunch of friends,i know having close friend is not an easily achived thing

about my boyfriend problem i have to tell you that he is really stuck with his own life , i feel very lonely in our relationship and i think thats a sign of bad relationship ,he doesnt miss me everyday but i do , it makes me feel like a fool , i think of ending this relationship but he still resists in loving me . he never texts me first and its always me who text and he replies late or sometime does not reply at all, he says i didnt have an answer , fear of losing him without any friends to support me scared me most ,and i think i  will be more alone than now if i break up with him , ,

[anaeternal]

agrace ,

tnx for your warmly welcome and hopeful worlds , its my fortune to reach out here and read your supportive comments 

your sayings are right , i was in a low mood and my boyfriend really got angry about me , i apologize him and said i was lonely and desperate , 

so speak of finding friends, where i live there is not much community to join and if there is ,it`s not for lonely people , for example you mentioned book club , i dont know any book club , or if there is something similar its somewhere where people go there with their firends to have fun , thats all i know.about joining sport groups im not really a sporty one ,youask what i study , i study low in university 

and about GP i never talked to them . 

about my boyfriend problem , as i explained to silverorchid77 our relationship is not working well , we dont see each other too much because of fights and some other problems that im not going to open it here cus its a long story and its not a good place to talk about relationships , , i think of break up alot ,although i love him and he loves me , but i feel lonely , there is not much contact between us recently there been times we  havent texted or talked to each other for weeks , when we dont meet there is distance between us , when i see him i feel very well and loved , but the distance is doing bad in our relationship , about my girlfriends of  boyfriend friends  i have to tell you i dont really like them i dont think i can even get along with them and i never seen them though , i told you im not good at communicating and i always think people dont want to be my friend ,the problem in me is sometimes i prefer being alone rather than being  with people that are not similar to me 

i dont go further just another thing 

[anaeternal]

sorry i forgot to finish my sentences i wanted to tell another thing , everyone says hapiness comes from within , but i dont know how to or what should i do , i mean all i know form happiness is one thing and that`s romantic times with my partner , i dont have a moment of happiness beside that