I currently feel alone

[Hobojohnson]

Hello, hope you're doing well. I recently realized that its been more than two years since I had someone who I felt comfortable sharing my life with. By sharing my life I mean feeling not only comfortable, but excited, to tell them about my day. I had a best friend in middle school before I moved to Australia, had another best friend in highschool, and gradually made friends here and there, but then the friendships slowly fell apart. It wasn't a single fight, it was months of not talking to eachother and realizing that I don't miss them that much (usually they would ignore my messages and I'd realize that I was pretty much always starting the interactions). My situation is excarcerbated by the fact that I am bad with social cues, do not currently have a job, and am scared to open up again. I have attended over 25 events on meetup.com and many other events from various other websites and the usual pattern is I see people once, maybe get along, and then never see them again. And even when I was enrolled in uni and had interactions with the same people I never really connected with anyone.

[Croix]

Dear Hobojohnson ~

Maybe you are like me, I was sociable enough at school and uni, but found most relationships simply did not inspire me enough to make a sustained effort. True I had a couple of close freinds at times, but changing schools a lot fixed that.

Later on in my occupation, which brought together a very close-knit group lead to friendships, but they were based on a feeling of 'them or us'.

I suppose the only two people I've really felt that closeness to and would do anything for are my two partners. There I've not even thought of being close, it is just there.

Everyone is different, some are naturally gregarious with tons of acquaintances. Some need compatible interests and depth and with luck find a few to class as true friends. You can't really go looking for them, it just happens.

As I've gotten older friendships have formed more easily, particularly as I get to understand people better, but basically I expect depth that is not often there.

Patience, there is nothing wrong with you.

Croix

[Alana_H]

Hi,

Thanks for posting. It must be so frustrating to put yourself out there and not feel like you are getting anywhere. I'm gonna agree with Croix in saying that there is nothing wrong with you, making friends is really hard! But I can definitely see how isolating it can be to feel like there are no opportunities for you right now, I also think that our self-esteem can take a real hit when we keep not finding friends.

My advice would be to keep trying different things. I know I had to try lots of different groups, and go to them for months before those "real friendships" started coming through. Some groups I never found friends (like uni) and some friends came unexpectedly (like a casual soccer club). It's about trying to find something where you keep seeing the same people until you (and they) start to feel comfortable enough to get to know one another. Is there any interests that you have? Or anything you want to try that you haven't yet? It can be random!

Also feel free to jump back on here, making friends can take time and can be lonely so chatting online can be a good support while you're persisting. Good luck!

Alana_H

[Ben_L]

Hey Hobojohnson,

I had a friend that i knew for 8 years and we did everything together it was the best thing ever, but when i got into a fight with one of his friends he ditched me and i never spoke to him again since. I am also autistic so i cant read social cues at all. Cherish those moments of friendship and good times because i didnt because i was stupid.