How it all began

[J96]

Hi everyone, 

My name is Jess and it is my first time posting on these forums. The thought occurred to me today to check out the BeyondBlue website, I didn't realise there was a forum but I wanted to give it a go, maybe others here feel the same way that I do. Here goes then...

The day of my first year 12 exam in year 11 is when everything came to a head. I woke up feeling a little nervous but nothing out of the ordinary. Then I just remember feeling sick and like I couldn't do the exam. I was crying and I couldn't eat and quite frankly, freaking out! This more or less came out of nowhere to me. I'd done exams before, I'd performed well in the subject through out the year and while feeling nervous I didn't think it was anything unusual. Well, I managed to get through the exam. But everything just went down hill from there. For the next few months I could barely eat. I was constantly hungry all day every day but I just didn't feel like eating (I know that probably doesn't make much sense but it's hard to describe). I didn't have the energy to do anything and quite often I could barely even stomach trying to eat anything before 12 midday. Even then it was a struggle. I had been to the doctor multiple times and the hospital a few times also. At first everyone thought it was just a virus and it would go away after a few days. My GP thought it might be depression or stress. No one could really tell me what was going on. It was hell for me. I ended up on anti depressants as well as some things a naturopath gave me. It seemed to help. My eating increased to almost back to what it was and things were travelling okay. But it was never the same as how it was before it all started.

I came off the anti depressants at the end of the year. I was okay for a little while but my eating was constantly going up and down again. I'd feel okay for a few weeks then crap for the next weeks. I ended up going back on the medication. Even now while I feel better it's just not quite the same. I still feel quite unwell frequently. It's hard to put into words. It sort of feels like no one really understands what it's like to feel like this, well maybe just no one around me. It makes me feel quite isolated. 

I've never dealt with anything like this before. I try to get on with my day and do what I have to but it can be quite the struggle at times. Especially when feeling sick, it can make it really hard to get things done. 

Thanks for reading. 🙂

[White_Rose]

Hello Jess

Glad you found Beyond Blue and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry you feel so unwell. Am I right that you are just finishing year 11? It's not clear from your post.

Did your GP prescribe the antidepressants? All ADs are different and have a different effect on everyone. It's really a nuisance because finding the right AD can take a while. I suggest you go back to your doctor and ask for a medication review. Write down how you feel while taking this medication and when you were not taking it. If you do have depression then often eating is very difficult. I lost 22 kg in about 3-4 months because I could not eat.

I also suggest discussing the option of seeing a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist. The psychiatrist can diagnose what is wrong, presuming it is a mental illness. This would be very worthwhile. While no one wants depression, at least if you know what's the matter you can start working on it.

Sometimes medication alone can do the trick. At other times you need a counselor of some sort. And sometimes both. You also need to listen to your body and what it is telling you. Have good sleep and exercise, plus a good diet if you can eat. I know these sound very ordinary but it is amazing how much effect they have on our mental health.

It is hard for anyone who has not experienced mental health difficulties to understand someone with one of those illnesses. There is nothing to show for it. No rashes, temperature, broken bones, wounds, breathing problems, pain. But nonetheless it hurts like mad. Please explore this site and read as much as possible about depression and anxiety. Start with the blue tabs at the top of the page.

You may also want to explore the Kids Helpline, available for people up to age 25. www.kidshelpline.com.au They also have a 24/7 phone helpline 1800 55 1800. Or try Headspace, www.headspace.org.au Their phone number is 1800 650 890 Beyond Blue's phone number is 1300 22 4636 and is available 24/7

Talk to one of these organisations and your doctor. Go to a specialist for a diagnosis. That's what their job is about and they can best help you.  I would love to hear from you again.

Mary

[J96]

Hey Mary, 

 Sorry for being unclear, I was rambling a bit wasn't I! I'm in my first year of Uni. 

My GP did prescribe the AD and suggested I go and see a psychologist. I did see one and she didn't think I indicated symptoms of depression. My GP thought that it was stress and that when this first started my body had gone into 'stress mode' but instead of returning to normal after the stressor had gone, it just stayed in 'stress mode'. 

I was on AD for the majority of last year and I found they mostly worked quite well to stabilize my eating as well as stop me losing any more weight. I came off them at the end of the year and I found I was really up and down with eating and just generally feeling unwell with an upset stomach. But I went back on them several weeks ago and I do think they are helping again. They've stabilized my eating again which I'm grateful for. 

It's been a tough two years. It's a mental issue that is causing physical problems but like you said, you can't actually see it like if it was a scratch for example. My stomach is still unsettled frequently and I feel sick at times but at least I can eat generally pretty well for the moment. I'm trying to deal with one day at a time and to keep busy. I know one of my biggest problems is thinking too much about whether I'll feel sick or not. I need to work on that. It's like an internal battle going on in my mind.

Thank you for replying and I will definitely look through the website and the organisations. 

 Jess.