Hey im 13 and I cry secretly in my room or the toilet!

[Embarrasedsrry]

Hey im 13! I moved to this school last year for 2018 and im not excited for school starting this 2019 (2 more weeks untill school). I have selective mutism whenever my teachers around (its getting better). My grades are bad I never gotten an a in a report card and only get b's or c's. Ive gotten 3D's, All the d's i got, i felt crushed. I would cry in my room pretending im playing but I wasnt, I was crying. Whenever my mum gets mad at me she would try relating to my grades. She would say something like "JUST LIKE YOUR GRADES!!!". Now everytime my mum gets mad at me no matter what i do, even tho she doesnt mention my grades, i still think about my grades and i just cry in my room pretending im not. Last year was very depressing for me.

That is why i feel depressed about school next year, i feel like it will be the same, i feel like im going to get bad grades, i feel like im still going to get teased because im short.

My grandparents came over to Australia and i was so excited, i counted each day when they will arrive but they only stayed for 6days. All the 6 days spent with them i felt i was supported with them. My grandparent went back to America yesterday and i felt crush, i felt lonely again. I went to the toilet excusing myself pretending to take a dump, but in reality i was crying about feeling beyond blue going to school and depressed about my grandparents leaving. I feel lonely now and each day that gets closer to school i feel sad.

Anyone have suggestions please. I dont want to talk to anyone about it and thats why my username is not a name. Please dont say see a gp or talk to skmeone. Thanks

[therising]

Hi Embarrasedsrry

I'm glad you came here to express yourself. It's definitely important you get support during such a challenging time.

Parents...hmmm...they don't always use the most constructive strategies, hey?!. My daughter's 16 and my son's 13 and I always try my best to put myself in their shoes in order to understand where they're coming from or how they feel. As far as grades go, I tell them that grades exist to show you where you're at in regard to comprehension and application of the work involved in school. That's it. They don't reflect you, as a person. To give you an example of academic ability not reflecting who we are at a deeper level, I know a guy who is actually an aeronautical engineer who, socially, seriously lacks a huge degree of common sense. He's rude, arrogant and cannot comprehend the relevance of social intelligence. Personally, I have nothing to do with him if I can help it. I have little time for such people.

As far as being picked on at school, for your height, this is another reflection of a lack of social intelligence from those around you. I'm aware that knowing this doesn't necessarily help matters. My son has expressed this to me, as he endured a tough year last year where he copped a fair amount of bullying. He's a thoughtful kid who typically doesn't defend himself (verbally or physically). I've told him we'll work on his self-esteem which will go on to change things for the better. Embarrasedsrry, self-esteem plays a massive part in how we respond to people and in how we respond to our own thoughts. High self-esteem involves the belief that we are entitled to respect as well as the belief in our own ability to manage any situation no matter the outcome. This leads me to wonder whether your grandparents show you respect and your true value in life, as well as encouraging you to see yourself as being able. If this is the case, no wonder you're missing them already. This is completely understandable.

I know you said you don't want the advice which mentions speaking to someone so my advice would be to research self-esteem building exercises. Have a look on the internet in regard to such exercises for people your age. See what appeals to you and try gradually putting these ideas into practice. I hope the exercises help so that other people's comments go from eating away at you to bouncing off you instead. They may even help with the selective muteism challenges.

Take care and hope to hear from you again

[white knight]

Hi and welcome

At 13yo I didn't speak a word for 3 months. But that was a little different because it was through a traumatic event. But I do know how you feel at least. Commonly mutism is exercised as a defence mechanism to shut out what harms us. I don't blame you for that, it isn't your fault and it is largely uncontrollable.

I suggest ( but will be hard to do)you ask your parents to sit down and chat with them. Tell your mum that you are well aware of your grades and you intend to try hard to improve them but "I'm asking you mum not to mention my grades at all because everything I do that you don't approve of, you refer to it which is causing me anxiety".

Now the thing is, if she then refers to it days later you can say "mum I asked you nicely not to mention that". Parent also need to be reminded of their negatives but do it nicely. This is a move towards adult behavior. You are growing up so the more mature you act the more other treat you as how mature you appear.

The other option is to ask to visit your GP doctor. You don't have to mention why and if asked you can say "you can come along mum but I want to talk about it there". Then once there talk about any issues you have health wise first then at the end mention your issue with grades and the pressure put on you is too much to bare. Mum might realise then it is a serious problem and tell you she will back off.

Finally, crying a lot is common for teens. Your world is developing, challenges seem like mountains to climb not to mention physical and mental stresses. Rest assured in a few months things will change for the better as you become more confident within yourself.

TonyWK

[Abigail_1274]

hey girl just wanna say I went throw the same thing 2 years ago , people will come around to you , friends and they will make it better for you, u just have to wait n see what happens and keep your head up and don’t look down at the bottom cause u might fall and no one wants that cause then your depprest all the time and it doesn’t Lead to a good place, pray to god he’s on your side he’s always watching you and if you ask for some help he will be listing to you💕💕