Juliap
90% of communication in non verbal. Your avoidance of conflict and confrontation with your dad maybe interpreted by him as you are ignoring him. This maybe the red button that gets pressed for him and escalates the situation.
When you ask him not to abuse you, he may interpret it as disrespectful and don’t forget nobody wants to appear wrong. He already may feel humiliated as was made to apologise to you. You are on the right, but proving he is wrong may create polarisation and win -loose situation that is at the end loss to everyone involved. Wright and wrong dynamics involve pointing the finger, humiliation, resentment and punishment. It brings a risk of winning a battle and loosing the war. Something that is very difficult to live with in a family relationship and that is why diplomacy is used in politics.
He maybe scared he is loosing you, he does not know you anymore, you are growing up or maybe he is annoyed at you not participating at home as he would expected. Man are generally not as fluent and open communicators as woman.
Calling on past good times together maybe helpful to reassure him. Paradoxically spending time with him maybe the thing you both need. What your mum thinks?
You are very bright and intelligent but trying to resolve it by yourself is a huge task. Not bc you lack the abilities but bc what you don’t know about his experiences, triggers and emotional state. Involving your Mum in trying to come up with a strategy to de-escalate this would be to advantage of all in the household.
Cooking dinner, baking a cake, games time, putting together a power point with pics of best times together and emailing it to him, putting together a poster of happy times, making a card to remind him you love him, texting him, watching your both favourite movie, etc, etc.
