Hello

[edo233]

Hey everyone ^-^ I've been having a rough time trying to deal with my anxiety lately and even though its quite selfish of me I thought I should share and relieve some of the mental tension that's been eating away at my brain. At one point I'll feel perfectly fine and happy and then my mood rapidly drops and I treat the people I love horribly. I hate that I act like this, even more so because I'm so scared of the way people think of me and the guilt of making them unhappy, and yet it feels like an unstoppable force. Am I just a horrible person? Why can't I stop? Whenever I feel like this I try to stop talking to people but in the end they get offended because of it. I can't let go of things, I regret the things I've done and I'm scared of making mistakes. That my friends will leave me if I don't agree with them, that they'll abandon me for the stupid things I think and say, and once I do say something that they'll know me as the horrible person that I am...THAT ruins me. I'm starting uni this month and the feeling of finally starting a new stage of my life is like a double-edged sword. While I'm excited that I'll be trying out new clubs and hanging out with new people, I'm scared that once I make a wrong move they'll leave me behind. I'm scared that I won't be able to make a truly gratifying, soul-connecting relationship with anyone in my life. I'm scared of everything that is my future and everything that is my past. I made a mistake today to so many of my friends and family, and while I know I should love myself, part of me hates myself with a burning passion. Part of me wishes I never existed(it's selfish I know I'm sorry), I want to live without caring about these things like others too, and yet here I am. I'm getting therapy at the moment, but even with the coping skills I've used I don't think I could ever stop overthinking, or simply stop obsessing over what others think of me.

[blondguy]

Hello and Welcome edo233!

I see a person who is stronger than they realise. I have relatives that dont have the courage to post on the forums...and you have...Kudos to you!

Overthinking can be a pain...I used to do the same for a long time and yes it can be debilitating for sure. I understand where you are coming from. There is no expectation for us to love ourselves as when we have a 'tired' mind it can be difficult to do. I also see my doc for counselling and its the smartest decision I have made

Just from my own experience it takes a lot less energy to like ourselves....than 'Hate' ourselves. Okay you mentioned you made a mistake(s)....ditto here and yes it feels horrible afterwards...Please don't be so hard yourself for being human

Congrats on starting University this month! That in itself is an achievement

You are doing so many things well...starting Uni....speaking from the heart and especially being proactive with your well being by posting on the forums....That takes serious strength to do. I didnt have your strength when I joined back in 2016..It took me weeks to post my own thread topic

If you ever need a voice our friends at 'kidshelpline' are super caring. They are the same as us here on the Beyond Blue forums except they have a 24/7 help line to provide non judgmental and confidential support to young people between 18-25

There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you edo233...any questions or comments are always welcome

my kindest.......Paul

[blondguy]

Sorry to double post edo233...I neglected to include that 24/7 helpline number and link for you...my apologies

1800 55 1800

www.kidshelpline.com.au

[edo233]

Hi!

Sorry, for the extremely late reply everything has been quite hectic for me aha

Thank you for the help it was very much appreciated!

I'll definitely try out helpline 🙂

Kind regards, edo233

[smallwolf]

hi edo,

hope you get to see this. It is OK to come and vent here if you need to. It is better than trying to keep it inside. I see from your 1st post you mentioned you were getting help. Some things can be fixed easily, others not so. One thing I do is see it as a journey to the top of a mountain and sometimes have to go down into a valley to find another way to the top and hopefully easier way to the top. Come back whenever you need or want to.