hate myself (young and alone)

[Laurenn]

I hate myself. I hate who i am as a person. I am very lonely. I often sit alone in the school bathrooms at recess and lunch. I feel as if everyone hates me. I have very strong mood changes. This is what a school day consists of for me:

Argue with mum before school.

Go to school and skip homeroom because i am 'not up to it.'

Go to class and feel happy.

Get to recess and sit with my one friend. Because she is my only friend i spend a lot of time with her. People call me names and say that i am a lesbian just because i hang out with her. I had that doing the one thing that makes me happy ends up making me sad because i am judged for it.

Go to class happy.

Next class sad and sit alone.

Then comes lunch. I sit in the bathrooms alone for all of lunch and sometimes cry.

Then go back and have an okay last class.

Go home (i am alone for a while) and be happy.

Mum comes home and suddenly i become passive aggressive and angry.

Then i get extremely sad and depressed before going to bed.

This happens to me day after day after day. I can't understand why this happens to me. I wish i was just happy all the time and don't understand why my mood changes so frequently and quickly. I can never predict how i will react at one moment and how i will react 1 hour later. I get very sad most days and do not get any help. My mum does not give me any help. I am never a good person to her and i hate it. I hate who i am so much.

[startingnew]

Hi Laurenn

firstly welcoem to the forums

your not alone here

i think you should speak to your mum or someone you trust about how your feeling.

depending on age- over 18- you can go to the drs by yourself and get a mental health assessment which i think you would benefit from greatly. you would then be able to see a psychologist as well and get some more one-one support

these would be the first steps that i urge you to take.

please let us know how you go

sending big caring hugs your way

[Doctor_Who_Fangirl]

Hi! I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. I have a bit of experience with feeling lonely, as I am quite extroverted and live in a very small town. I'm hoping I can help. It can be useful to spend some time talking with counselors, something useful might be calling Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. The web chat can be a bit slow to get to you but the phone is pretty fast. These people are trained and i am really not, so please let me know if I'm not helping! If you want and it doesn't feel wierd, I'll pray for you, if that's ok. Other things that can help are reading, spending time with pets, and going out for walks.

❤️ Love, hugs and sympathy sending your way,

-Doctor_Who_Fangirl

[BballJ]

Hi Laurenn,

Sorry to read what you are going through at the moment. It sounds very tough. Is there a school counsellor you can possibly speak too at all about how you are feeling? Maybe even a family member or a friend at all, I know you fight with your mum and I can see you don't want to do that but have you sat down with her and actually told her how you days are and exactly how you are feeling?

I know it is tough to talk about but it needs to be addressed and you need to get the help you deserve. No one should be made to feel this way at all... what stuff do you enjoy doing, it seems class makes you happy as per your post, anything in particular that you enjoy about it, finding things you enjoy can really help ease your mind.

Please also know you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss anything you are going through or even online chat with trained professionals, they are available 3 pm to 12 am - 7 days a week.

My best for you,

Jay

[MsPurple]

Hi Laurenn and welcome to the BB forums

startingnew and and doctor_fangirl have offered wonderful suggestions. Like startingnew said if you are under 16 you will need a parent to assist you with your GP appointment. When I was 15 mum came in with me to the GP and said she had concerns then she left the room so I could talk to the GP alone. They were very good. They didn't tell mum anything I had said as it he knew it was personal and he knew it wouldn't be helpful to tell my mum. They only tell your parent if it is necessary (e.g. you are threating to hurt yourself etc) and they will tell you if it is something your parent needs to know.

There are some youth mental health services around. I would google your local service. I know a national youth mental health service called headspace, but I know there are some that are locally run as well. If you are uncomfortable going through your GP maybe your or your parents can give one of these services a call and enquire

Have you considered seeing your school counsellor. I know a few students saw our school counsellor. I never did because I went to a psychologist instead. My best friend went to the school counselor and said it was good. Maybe this is something you could try if you are worried about going through a gp or youth mental health service.

I just want you to know that it does get better. When I was in the middle of my crippling anxiety and depression I thought I wouldn't come out the other side. But I did. It took some time but I am now able to manage my anxiety and I live a happy 'normal' life.

Feel free to roam around the bb forums. You will see so many like minded people going through a similar situation. It can be so empowering knowing you are not alone and getting help and support from others.

[demonblaster]

Hi Lauren 🙂

Horrible place to be hating yourself isn't it.
Been there and a lot older now & working on liking myself which we need to do, we spend the most time in life with ourselves so makes sense aye

Depression makes us feel that way, that we're not worthy but you are and need to believe that.
I use to constantly argue with my poor Mum mostly & Dad (Really good loving parents) used to feel like a heel later and made me feel worse in myself and for being awful
Agree with above, can you sit down and talk to her (Mum) about how you're feeling or put it in writing.

Good ideas too above about talking to the counsellor at school, also if you can get to your GP a mental health plan can get you help as well.

It's good you have a friend, don't give up on her because some nasties just have to be that way to make themselves feel better by pulling others down. That's their problem.
Awful to have to put up with that rot though aye.
Maybe one day you could ask them why they give you a hard time. Chances are they wouldn't have a good reason anyway. Tell em how that makes you feel. Who knows, worth a try.

Sorry you're having so much grief in your life, trust me it's not always going to be like that.

First up you need to believe in yourself. You'd have good points, start off there.

I'll be back 🙂

Be good to yourself