feeling paranoid???

[anniefakename]

I just made an account and don't know where to put this so hopefully this is the right spot. I don't know if I'm just being dramatic but lately i have really been struggling with the fear of someone breaking into my house at night and murdering my family and then me. Maybe it is just because i am young (16) but ever since i was little i thought someone was going to get me while i slept so i would sleep with a stick under my bed and make traps with my toys (so i would have time to escape an murderer) as little as i can remember. At night i make up horrible scenarios in my head of different ways people could get into my house and the ways they would kill me and non stop thinking of places i could hide and can't shut it off. The past few months i have been having trouble sleeping because of it and have had to do strange things to be less afraid like i have to sleep with only the sound of my air conditioner and nothing else like no relaxing phone apps because I'm scared someone will hear and know I'm in my room. I think any noise is someone coming upstairs to kill me and i just freeze and my heartbeats very quickly. I have locked my door while i sleep ever since i moved to my new house with a lock and always have it locked even in the day. But i am not really scared when I'm with other people. I also have also always had an issue with someone possibly dying in my family (even though i know i shouldn't worry about the inevitable) and whenever I'm with them i try to take lots of videos and pictures just in case they die soon. I dread them dying all the time and it causes me quite a lot of stress and anxiety. I hate feeling this way and i just don't know what to do at this point or who to talk to since i never have spoken to anyone about these things and don't want to go to a professional. I just seem to be happy one moment and then extremely sad and imagine my family dead the next. Maybe this is normal but i would love some advice or some ways i could help myself. Thank you.

[white knight]

Hi,

Great to see you on the forums. Ive read your supportive posts.

Realism...its an interesting word. Our imagination and fears dont do us any favours.

I own a vintage car. I love that car. If I take security precautions like steering locks and garage locks, thats sensible ideas. If I moved my bed out to the garage then that could be seen as paranoia...beside someone then might steal my wife in the house lol.

When these intrusive thoughts enter your head say to yourself "is this thought realistic?" and "do I have good reason for being fearful"?

If not then find a distraction like a hobby or sport where your mind is occupied. I used to have a large jigsaw in my bedroom. Whenever I felt sad over a family matter I'd do 20 pieces of that puzzle, by the time I'd done that my mind had moved on from my problems.

Time is also a good healer of childhood fears. Therapy is great.

Google

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

I hope I've helped

TonyWK

[anniefakename]

thank you for your reply. i read your worry worry worry post as well. the issue is, I'm beginning to distrust people i know and fear they are going to turn on me and hurt me. Knowing people in my family that became abusive so fast makes me doubt everyone's motives. People change so quickly.

I'm only writing this because I'm awake right now at 12am and putting off going to sleep in the silence. Im in a bad routine of staying up late because of this and then being super tired the next day. I just feel so unmotivated and hopeless and have been thinking about death a lot. Ive been feeling very irritable and so angry and just bottle it up so not to start stupid arguments. I used to sleep so easily but now it is the most stressful thing that i really have to prepare myself for. i can't seem to stop thinking about how they are going to come in right now and unlock my door and kill me. Im so so scared. How could anyone help me? 😞

[white knight]

Hi Annie,

Yes there is help. Professional help if obtainable is the way to go starting with your GP doctor. But we can also have self help and by you coming here you are talking to peer champions that also have mental illness conditions that we have endured. We are also open 24/7.

There is thousands of threads on this site you will find interesting. Learning about yourself is a way of education so the more you know the better your future. EG suggesting to you that you need to ask yourself "am I being realistic" is the first step towards removing unreal thoughts. This will take time, certainly wont happen overnight.

Self protection from people is essential in my experience.

Google

Beyondblue topic fortress of survival

Beyondblue fortress of survival part 2

These strategies come from myself after many years being hurt by people. Not that it is always them, it is often my sensitivity that ruins things.

The other thing to consider is that in a few short years you might be working and can move into your own accommodation where you will be avoiding any arguments by- not being too often around others.

So you have a few goals to plan for, short medium and long range goals - write them down, make them achievable.

But you have a lot to be proud of- you are opening up to people that are trying to help you. You are posting here and trying methods others are suggesting- that isn't very common. Many people throughout their lives don't get help because they are in denial. Well done there.

So- keep reading here. Keep asking yourself "am I being realistic" and keep things into perspective.

And if possible seek professional help starting with a chat to your GP.

TonyWK

[dovehearts]

Hi Annie,

Just wanted to drop a line and say that you’re not alone - I suffer from these paranoid thoughts, specifically at night, too. They tend to overlap with OCD tendencies of checking locks, closing blinds, and unfortunately peaking out windows when hearing specifics sounds.

If you live with family/friends I would suggest going to bed while they are still up - this means that most sounds you hear while still awake are from those you know. I personally try to go to bed before my roommate which I find helpful.

Therapy would be an option - try accessing a local headspace centre or private psychologist under a MHCP from your GP. Reaching out to professional help will hopefully give you strategies to combat the paranoia/delusional thoughts. It’s something that I’m looking into doing myself.

kind Wishes,

dove 🌸