feel like an absolute loser

[pbandj]

im new to this and i thought this might be a good place to spill my thoughts.

you know those questions like whats something you would like to change about yourself? it isnt't hard to come up with a billion things i would want to change. the way i look, how i'm so introverted and my fear of judgement. the list goes on and on and on. i'm a christian and sometimes i feel angry that God seems to be so unfair. some of my friends are the prettiest and i guess you could say successful people with perfect homes and families. im a potato with no talent. i cant play sports, i suck at musical instruments( ive tried many) i cant draw. im the ugly friend. i have small eyes, fat thighs and belly, a huge forehead and a round fat face. (all those insecurities have been pointed out by other people which makes me feel even worse) even my own mother calls me fat and ugly. how can i gain confidence when even my mother insults my looks.

when God was making the humans why did he distibute the good qualities so unfairly. why am i such a crappy creation??

and i find it so hard to connect with new people. i got my job for over a year and i still havent made any friends. no one talks to me and i'm always afraid they dont want me to talk to them. my name is also incredibly hard to say so every time i meet new people they never learn my name. they dont bother either and it makes me feel crap cuz at work im referred to as "oi" or "excuse me." im already introverted enough and my name is just another obstacle in my way to make new friends and establish new connections.

i feel like such a loser. im so bad at making friends. im the ugliest person in the whole world. noone can say my name. my life sucks so much. i'm such a loser.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi pbandj,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

Gosh it makes me so sad that you can point out so many negative things about yourself and not one good thing. I'm really glad that you're here so we can talk about it.

If I told you that you could believe that you were good looking, talented, social and not a loser what would you say? My guess is that it would be like pigs flying. Impossible. But this is all because of your brain - every time that you tell yourself that you're a loser, there's a tiny little pathway in your brain that gets stronger; making you believe it, in the same way that you believe in God. This is what self-esteem is about;- basically so much negative self-talk that's just ingrained into our brain it's impossible to believe anything else.

It is really crappy that your mum has told you those things, but I still do believe that you can change the way you feel about yourself. I know my parents and friends and teachers told me lots of awful things just like you, and I even have a super long last name that people were cruel about too; just to add to the pile! People can be cruel, but there so rarely as cruel as we are to ourselves.

What you've done today is shown so much power - because it's kinda like saying 'no more'. I love that. It means that you're stronger than all those tiny little ants (automatic negative thoughts) in your head. It takes work but it starts with you trying to believe that these beliefs about yourself just aren't true.

[Zeal]

Hey, welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear that this self-criticism and self-hatred is so strong. This must be mentally and emotionally exhausting for you. It's cruel that your mother calls you fat and ugly. Do other family members notice the way she treats you? Also, do you usually tell her that it hurts your feelings?

It's good you have a stable job. If you don't mind me asking, what is your job like?

Talking to a counsellor could help you deal with the intense negative emotions. Headspace have youth centres all over Australia. It's worth ringing a centre to make an appointment, or dropping in. If this feels a bit uncomfortable, you could start by ringing a confidential support line. Beyondblue is available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. The Kids Helpline (for under 25's) is on 1800 55 1800. The Kids Helpline website also has online chat options, if you'd prefer that.

I'd like you to try something, if that's alright with you. Think of one positive thing about yourself. It could be something non-tangible like honesty or bravery, for example. Once you have that written down, think of the aspects of your life where that quality/positive thing is useful. For example, I would say trustworthiness is a strength of mine. Because I am trustworthy, people feel comfortable sharing personal details with me, and know that I won't share the details with others. So while I am not the world's most social person, being trustworthy helps me indirectly with social interactions.

There are two resources I think could be useful for you to check out:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=57 (about self-compassion)

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47 (improving self-esteem)

I hope that you find this forum to be a supportive place! It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal