Family trouble

[CookieFrog]

Hey, I wanted to see if anyone has some advice for me because I’m struggling with my parents at the moment. Especially my Dad. I just started high school and I feel so pressured. It started as a small fight about needing to wok harder but it has turned into an all out war. I really hate fighting with my parents but every time I try to talk about anything my Dad gets so angry. I know he has good intentions but sometimes he actually gets scary. A couple days ago he threw my school bag across my bedroom and yelled in my face. It seems crazy but I feel much better when I’m at school. Does anyone have advice on what I should do? I’ve also been feeling really depressed lately and can’t get much sleep. I’m just too scared to tell my parents in fear that it will make things worse. I decided today that I would try here because I had another fight as usual and sent my mum some stuff telling her how angry I was. Mum texted back comforting me and helping me feel better but then Half an hour later I got a message from my dad saying that I should be ashamed of my disgusting behaviour and that he was going to take away my phone and a bunch of Privileges for a while on weekends. He says he will talk later but I’m sure this talk is just another fight. My mum obviously doesn’t know about the message because she was comforting me and saying the opposite. All of this is making me so depressed. What do I do?

[Sophie_M]

Hi CookieFrog,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We are glad you decided to join us here today. We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling so depressed and uncomfortable at home at the moment. We can understand why your dad's anger would be having this effect on you. It sounds like your mum understands your perspective and is more willing to listen you to and communicate with you in a helpful way.

We would urge that you get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. You can chat with them online 24/7 on their website, and they are experts in giving advice for this kind of situation.

You also mentioned that you're actually feeling much better when you're at school. Moving into high school is a tricky transition in itself, so it's really great that you're feeling okay there. Do you think you would feel comfortable talking to the school counsellor about how you've been feeling lately?

Thank you so much for reaching out today. We hope that you keep us updated on how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.

[CookieFrog]

Thankyou Sophie_M,

Last week I asked my year level coordinator to organise an appointment for me at school. I had an appointment with the school chaplain and I tried everything she suggested but nothing seems to work. I will consider calling the kids help line but I am worried about doing so. I don’t get much time during my day when I’m alone and I certainly don’t want to to it around my parents because I’m worried he’ll get angry and say I’m overreacting. On tuesday afternoon I am home alone so I will try then. I have been told by teachers and peers my whole life that I seem depressed or anxious often but my Mum and Dad haven’t bothered to worry about a diagnosis or anything.

[SarBear]

Hi CookieFrog,

Have you ever tried to sit down with your dad and telling him that his responses arent helpful? He might be thinking his helping you by being tough on you but i feel like its bordering abuse. I suggest you let your mum know your concerns or if you dont feel comefortable with that maybe try your school counsellor and see if they can help.

you are strong and really brave for reaching out i hope things get better for you.

[CookieFrog]

Thanks Sarbear that is a good suggestion. I will try to talk with him some time soon. I will get my Mum to do it with me though in case another fight starts. Thankyou for trying to support me and I hope you are also doing well

[CookieFrog]

I just called my Dad to try your suggestion. I told him I was worried and he said he would talk to my Mum. She says we don’t have to talk about it tonight if it’s too stressful and I was actually a bit surprised. I think I have my Mum to thank for his reaction to my call. Thankyou SarBear. I will continue to try and sort this out

[jumpyjellyfish-]

Hey CookieFrog, love your username btw 🙂 welcome to the forums

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and that fighting with your dad has been hard and really impacting your mental health. It sounds really tough and draining, and I hope you are feeling ok about it all at the moment. I'm glad you're mum is being so supportive and that you can have her on your side. It sounds like you're dad is giving you a really hard time. I hope you feel safe at home - throwing your schoolbag across the room and yelling in your face sounds both like a scary experience and honestly immature of your dad. You're parents are meant to support you and sometimes, for one reason or another they unfortunately dont do the right thing. Add into the mix starting high school and you've got yourself a lot on your plate. Im glad you can feel better at school though - it's funny how sometimes school can seem like a terrible annoying place and 3pm is like an escape, but then sometimes it can actually be an escape instead.

It might definitely be worth calling kids helpline on Tuesday - they are always super nice and supportive. Also, if you're worried about privacy they also have webchat which might make it easier for you when you're at home. That's what I do, and I only call when I have the house to myself or I'm not at home and I'm somewhere private. It's a great support place either way 🙂

Keep updating us on how you're going when you feel like it and take care xx

[CookieFrog]

Thankyou jumpy jellyfish :-],

I love your username too.

[Lucette]

hi! everything about high school is so hard and my parents never understand the stress or what going on. they are so difficult to get along with and I fight with mine all the time.

my parents have a lock on my phone so I cant do this all the time, but I sometimes just call or facetime my friends just to talk about other stuff. like I just try and forget the fighting and I go talk about random stuff.

when I cant do this I try like right down everything I want to yell at my parents on to notes.

but seriously if you're feeling depressed and you don't want to tell your parents, are you close with any family members.

having your parents take your phone is the worst and I get that it make you feel so like alone.

I'm sorry about your dad, it's so hard when your fighting with parents because they get complete control over you.

sorry!

[CookieFrog]

Thanks Lucette,

I have been talking with my friends about it lately already. I found out about this place through a great friend who has severe separation anxiety. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there going through these things. I hope that you start to have an easier time around your parents too.