don't know how to cope - need help

[Bodey294]

i have fluctuated out from a fairly long-term depression and have just given myself some breathing space from all the no-helpful coping ways that surrounded this state such as excessive TV, movies, video games... just anything that is entertaining but non-intellectually stimulating (just melting and dulling my brain). right now i am focusing on music and discovering lots which is helping me a lot throughout these past weeks. at the same time i am fairly anti-social. its not that i don't feel confident but have no idea what i would talk to people about. this has left me with feeling anxious just thinking this way and unauthentic when around and towards people. i can be authentic in myself (which i haven't been able to in a long while) when i am listening to music and reading (interesting online articles and newspapers) but having literally an almost - non existent social life is making me feel lonely. music and reading is not enough... and i'm getting sick of being on my own all the time. everything is internalised and i'm starting to talk to myself a little bit (is that healthy?).all of this making me sad and i'm worried ill spiral back into depression. please help 

[White_Rose]

Hello Bodey

It's great that you have recognised that some activities are unhelpful and congratulations on moving forward. I find music a wonderful release and I usually have the radio on during the day. I find TV watching is getting more unsatisfactory and spend about an hour a day watching. Even then I find myself bored.

Talking to yourself is great. Most people do this when they are on their own for all sorts of reasons and yes it is healthy. It is good to speak your thoughts out loud as they sound different when spoken than when they are thoughts. Notice how you react to the different methods. And how different these thoughts sound and feel. Another brownie point.

Being alone can lead to depression and/or anxiety because there is no counterbalance, no input from others whether you are talking about the state of the nation or the state of your own mind. So social contact with others is necessary. I have just read a book by Hugh Mackay, a social commentator, on the importance of connectedness. The book is called The Art of Belonging: It's not where you live, it's how you live. You may enjoy this.

So how do you connect with others? Do you have a job and does this bring you into contact with others? They may not be people you want to socialise with, but you can practice your conversational skills. Simply join in a conversation and go with the flow. I think you will be surprised how much you can contribute.

As you enjoy music, can you go to performances of the type of music you enjoy? This will give you the opportunity to engage in casual conversations with the people sitting next to you, the topic being the music you have listened to or are about to hear.

Your local library will often have details of groups such as book clubs that meet at the library. Many of these groups are formed by people who want social interaction  and enjoy reading and discussion. Check it out. Again the topic is ready made. There is usually general chat in the mix which will help your social skills.

Lastly, if you have time, what about volunteering? Check out your local organisations and see where you can fit in. Again this is a way to meet others and usually charities are so pleased to recruit volunteers they will be happy to talk to you.

I hope this gives you some ideas on interaction. Let us know how you go.

Mary