Does having casual sex worsen depression?

[AceDilemma88]

Hiya, I’m new here so I’m still learning how things work, but it’s cool to see such a friendly community.

I thought I’d bring up the issue of having casual sex while depressed since I couldn’t find a lot of information about it online. The depression (even with the support of my psychologist and family) makes it hard for me to attract a romantic relationship, so I’ve been filling the void with sexual encounters that have left me feeling less than stellar. Unfortunately, I’m only young and have never had sex with anyone I have been in love with, so these days my body feels more like a commodity and it’s messing with my head. It’s easy enough to say “avoid these situations altogether” but much harder to do in reality. I’m convinced that people are just here to take from me, and that I’ll never have a proper relationship again after my two previous ones fell apart quite nastily (I did not have sex with either of these partners). Is there a way out of this?

Thanks again,

Ace

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Ace,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here! I really appreciate you sharing what's going on.

This is a really interesting question and to be honest I've never really thought about it until now. Part of me wonders what you might be getting out of these sexual encounters - if people are just there to 'take it from you' what benefit might you have? That feeling of closeness? The way of intimacy but without attachment? Or something else entirely?

For me personally, the idea of casual sex fills a purpose. On the surface it might be 'we got lost in the moment' but I always think there's always something deeper;- even if it's as simple as 'I needed to feel wanted'. What is it that runs through your mind; how do you feel? (You don't have to answer these questions of course - just something to think about!).

Perhaps if you can think about what it might mean to you, you might be able to figure out how to find a way out of this.

Hope this helps,

[Peppermintbach]

Hi AceDilemma,

You sound, dare I say, perhaps a little lost and uncertain. As you said, casual sex helps you “fill a void” but it’s kind of a double edged sword because it leaves you feeling perhaps empty and “used”/objectified. It must be difficult to juggle the 2 conflicting feelings...

I like romantic_thief’s suggestion to try to delve a little deeper to figure out exactly what need the encounters are filling e.g. is loneliness at the heart of it? Perhaps, if you haven’t already, you could consider discussing it with your psychologist.

Caring thoughts,

Pepper

[GemAndLogan]

Hi Ace,

You've had great advice so far, I just wanted to add my thoughts

Casual sex fills a void for some people, a bit like eating a lot of junk food for others- at the time it feels good but afterwards, you don't feel so great about yourself.

As suggested above, talking to a psychologist might be really helpful for you to find out how to combat the feeling that you need to fill a void, where that feeling comes from and also the issues with trusting people after the experiences you've had.

In the meantime, if you cant shake that void feeling maybe filling it with something positive might be more helpful. Do you have a hobby or passion? Friends or family to spend time with? Or treat yourself to something you like?

All these things are a temporary fix but probably more helpful than casual sex.

Look after yourself ok

Gem

[AceDilemma88]

Hey! Thanks for getting back to me. Sorry I'm slow on the reply, I'm a busy bee.

I think you're onto something, and after reading everyone else's comments, I realise I've been using sex as a way to feel needed. It's the ultimate act of validation, but when it's not in a stable relationship it can get really unhealthy really quickly. I find it difficult to put myself first in good ways - like spending time on my hobbies (music and painting), journaling my thoughts, meditating, speaking up when I need help - and instead choose to try and temporarily fix things with alcohol, sex and smoking. Since I've quit drinking and smoking I've been making an addiction out of anything, and I think that if I can talk to my psychologist more openly about it (once I work up the nerve) I can start to feel better. It's gonna be a long process, but I know I'm gonna be ok at some point.

Thankyou so much!