Hi be331698
It is great to meet you and welcome to the forum, I am so very sorry to hear that you live with GAD and that you have to manage the constant worry.
It is hard when you have been hurt in the past by friends and from relationships, it is hard to manage to regain trust, even without anxiety to throw into the mix. I personally don't suffer anxiety as a diagnosis, do I suffer being anxious from time to time, sure but I have no idea how hard it must be to manage this everyday.
I can hear what you are saying though and that you know you are sabotaging the relationships as a method of protecting yourself and I really get that, however, not everyone is out to play you. I think you know that too. It is so very hard to rationally think when you have the anxiety talking to you.
Can I suggest to you that you are most definately good enough, that you are worth a relationship with and that at some point you have to let yourself be vulnerable and allow yourself to receive the love from another person. Sure, we all get hurt, will you get hurt again, possibly but if you never put yourself out there, true, you will never get hurt again, but you also will never experience the love of another person. I don't think you really want to exclude that from your life.
I think perhaps we need to help you to find some ways to manage these thoughts, as they are just thoughts and not reality, that you are worth having a relationship with, that you can trust again and that typically people are not out to hurt or harm you. Do you have some friends that you can trust? Can you see that you are able to manage these friendships and that they are going well?
Do you have some things in place that you do when you are feeling anxious? What sort of things do you like to do for hobbies or have for interests that make you smile and feel good?
I am not sure if I have been any help and I am so very sorry you are living with this everyday. Is a trip to the GP an option to see if they have some things that could help you through this time?
I hope to chat to you some more br331698.
Hugs
AS
