Choosing between what you love and who you love..

[eth93]

I feel a tad bad for posting this on here as it is probably kind of trivial. It’s just something that has been on my mind for quite some
time now.

I’m having trouble choosing where I am going in life career wise. I was always brought up to chase your passions and not money. And that
its much better to live a poor life doing something you love, then to live a rich life doing something you hate.

But.. Incomes my mother.

She raised us five children as a single parent. Working crappy odd jobs to put food on our table and a roof over our head. This means
that we never really had much money, and still to this day she lives pay check to pay check. I’m the middle child, but for whatever reason I have taken on the role of the protector. I feel it is up to me to protect and support her. Not so much nowadays but in ten or so years when she is just to old to continue working. I know for a fact that I currently have more money sitting in my super account then she does. And I am forever hearing just how hard it is to survive on the old age pension, especially when you don’t own your own home.

So here I am. Stuck between doing something I love, or chasing the money. I know exactly what my mum would say. But I can’t help but
think that it is my duty to look after her and to give her the life that she really deserves.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi eth93,

Thanks for your post.

First off - nothing you say is trivial here and you should never feel bad for posting. This is what the forums are here for.

I can actually relate in many ways to your post; even though I'm not from a big family, we too lived paycheck to paycheck (or skimped in many ways) and I know that I'll be in charge of supporting them as they get older. They also have health issues so in my heart I know they'll need support when they're younger as opposed to whatever the expected retirement age is now.

What is it that you love? What sort of job? You may find that at the end of the day it might not be such a tough decision. Even though on the career ladder we always start small you may find that you can earn a good income for what you love doing.

If you can try to look at the bigger picture - yes your mum might need some help, or if she's renting/paying out her own home/getting older - but earning a (supposedly) lower income doesn't mean you can't provide that. You are still young (like me) so we have lots of years to go until that day comes.

[Starwolf]

Good to meet you, Eth93.

Reading your post, one question immediately popped into my mind so I though I would share it with you :

How would your mother feel if she knew that giving her a comfortable lifestyle was due to self-sacrifice and against the advice given throughout the years ? This question came to my mind because it it something I couldn't accept from my daughter, though I'm an older person too and living in primitive, often harsh conditions. She has her life in front of her...I no longer do. I'd die happy knowing that she is doing whatever is right for her.

No one can answer the question for you as you know your Mum best. We are all different. Though most parents feel at peace when their children are happy and living a fulfilling life. It is a natural tendency for parents to put their children's well being before their own. This is the reason why they make sacrifices in the first place.

I respect your good intentions, she is lucky to have such a thoughtful son. But please consider what her take on this would be before making a decision. It is something you owe to both of you.

Kindest thoughts.

[eth93]

romantic_thi3f - I've got a couple of different options. All work with the idea of only working enough to support myself, then spending the rest of the time doing things I enjoy. So working only a couple of days a week. Lifestyle comes first. The idea of working my but off to have a comfortable retirement doesn't sit well with me.

Starwolf - I know exactly what she would say and it would be to chase your dreams.. But I can't help but think its my turn to chip in. Like most parents she has put us before herself in every way. Should I not return the favour? She is my everything.

[geoff]

hi Eth, a very good question, and I want to thank you for lovely thoughts about caring for your mum.
As we all know circumstances change from generation to generation, what was done 30 years ago doesn't happen any longer, so a decision by you has to be a choice you have made, because what your mum did to raise her children must have been hard work with little satifaction, except to know that she was providing for the family.
Come forward 30 years and now both parents need to work to pay for a mortgage and provide for their children, but can I say how terrific you are to think about this, whereas many others wouldn't even consider the thought but also the lovely comments by Romantic_thi as well as Starwolf.
Yes it's not easy to survive on an old aged pension, but when your mum does begin to deteriorate the services that are now provided to help, weren't here years ago, so this has alleviated any pressure for you, and your mum is right, achieve what you want to do, and of course this doesn't mean that you can't help your mum.
I'm sure that she wants to see her children to be successful in life and not have to scrap through like she had to, because your great achievements means that she has done her job to perfection. Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi eth93,

Thanks for your post.

Okay, so 2 out of 5 days a week is not a big income in comparison to 5 days a week, but, given that you are in fact a young person, you don't need to decide right now. I'm not sure how old your mum is but there are many years until you need to make this decision.

How long have you been working for (if at all)? I see that lifestyle comes first, but I guess there will always be sacrifices for yourself when you're not earning as much as you could; things like if you were to live alone, buying/upkeep of a car, entertainment expenses etc - you may find later that you want to pick up more days so that you can still have a balanced week but have a more fulfilling life.

So in short, I would do what you love; because you may find you want/could work more, and you'll probably find (like most people) that pushing yourself to do something you hate will burn you out way too quickly.