Binge Eating..! Please help...

[Azuki]

Here's a brief description of my history: I used to be anorexic; I was restricting my calories and refused to touch anything with fat (yes, I ate little to nothing, with hardly any variety). My lowest weight was when I was 14 years old then and I was very close to dying and I was admitted to hospital immediately.

I'm 18 years old now (19 in March) . I had been maintaining a barely healthy (looking at BMI) for quite a while. While I do still restrict somewhat, I made sure I ate a balanced, healthy diet while exercising moderately. Overall, I had improved in health, mood and personal relationships. Everything was bliss until recently (around December last year) I started binge eating.

It started with caloric excesses of about 1000, spaced about a week apart. I forgave myself for these, thinking it as 'normal' due to my past of anorexia. However lately, my binges have become more frequent and much higher in excess calories. I'm starting to binge everyday now; three days in a row (including today so far). I feel sick, bloated, guilty and totally unmotivated to exercise. although I totally understand gaining a little bit of weight may be beneficial for me... I know my binge eating is not healthy. How do I break free from this? 

I don't know what's wrong with me! I can't be left alone with food anymore. What's more is that I'm terrified of being sucked back into the anorexia mentality, but I can't help but feel guilty. A lot of the time I tell myself "tomorrow's a new day" and try to start a fresh, but it's no use. I just want to eat normally again, be able to get back to my active lifestyle and be able to actually ENJOY food. I've started skipping dinners, because I just feel too sick. I've NEVER thrown up my food and do not have a history of bulimia.

(fyi, I'll basically binge on any type of food; breads, ice cream, salted biscuit/chickpea/healthy chip snack packs, sweet cereal, mini kit-kats being my particular 'favourites'. I have taken laxatives, and somewhat abused them, during the past couple of weeks, so I know most of the weight I've gained shouldn't be water weight, but actual 'substance'. I'm trying to wean myself off laxatives too..)

Any help would be so much appreciated, I just don't know what to do anymore... Thank you ❤️

[DaisyS]

I totally understand the mind / food / guilt connection you type about.  

I've personally found that it's my mind I've needed to strengthen, and the more I've used it, the stronger it has become.  I broke unhealthy habits / cycles and replaced with healthier ones initially by forcing myself, then as I've continued to take the healthy option it became a new habit, at which point I didn't have to think about it too much.

I also exercised to nourish, not punish, my body.  That also made adopting a healthier approach to food much easier as both complimented each other.

It all comes back to strengthening the mind.  There is no supplement or remedy you can purchase (well, chromium picolate CAN help with sugar cravings), but really, you've got to enforce the change in yourself.  And I believe that you have the ability and you can xx

[pipsy]

Dear Azuki.  You seem to be on a vicious, emotional roller coaster, where you've gone from one extreme to another. Then you feel guilty for eating the wrong food.  I'm wondering if you're eating to make up for lack of company.  When we're alone, and lonely, that's when we turn to the nearest comfort, in your case, food.  Have you thought about keeping a journal and writing down when you're feeling low and what you feel may be causing it?  If you are 'binging' because of feeling lonely, you need to try and get away from the house.  Do you have a close friend or dog you could take for a walk?  Do you have any hobbies?  Perhaps revisiting your G.P to see about getting a diet plan.  Or even seeing a dietician.  The hardest part of self-healing is having the incentive.  This can only come from your desire to break the habit of eating to substitute whatever you're lacking.  Once you've worked out what you're lacking, only then can you start the healing. 

Keep posting here, if we can help, we will.