Young people

Voices

replies: 2

I suppose I'm here because i need to tell the truth to people who are not close to me, so here goes. I have had clinical depression for the past 5 years, and have been on medication for it. It effected my education and my HSC results and was probably... View more

I suppose I'm here because i need to tell the truth to people who are not close to me, so here goes. I have had clinical depression for the past 5 years, and have been on medication for it. It effected my education and my HSC results and was probably one of the hardest times of my life so far (i am 21). Even though that happened i had an alright time over the past year and a half, as normal as any other person, working, hanging out with friends and just living. About six weeks ago, after a family event, on the drive home by myself i thought i heard someone talk to me. I looked around for who it was and thought that maybe it was someone outside of the car when i was stopped at the lights and didn't really think any more about it. When i got home however, i was watching something on TV and once again heard someone say "Hello" to me. Once again i looked around for the person who was speaking to me, but could not find anyone. By this time, i was starting to freak the hell out. Suddenly someone started yelling a young woman starting yelling "NOO" over and over again and it was then that i realized that this yelling was not from someone who was real. Over and over again for about 3 hours was this voice of a young woman yelling NOO. I didn't know what the hell was going on as nothing like this has ever happened to me before so i went and lay in my bed sobbing pounding on the side of my head with my hand. That was the first time i started hearing voices, although now that i think about it its probably the first time i realized that this voice was not real. I was scared shitless so i confided in a friend who then said that i should go and talk with a doctor, which i did, and he referred me to a psychiatrist. For the past week and a half i have been ringing this doctor trying to make an appointment but just get the answering machine every time and i have left 4 messages. As i said it has been about 6 and a half weeks since i starting hearing her, and she talks to me at different times about different things. The majority of the time they are nothing bad, but none the less, can be scary and quite confusing hearing someone who does not exist. On Friday night she was saying extremely bad things about me, which drove me to think about killing myself. I broke down and was sobbing at home, and considered going to the hospital but went to sleep for the night (which gets rid of her). I'm trying to live my day to day life as if nothing is wrong, but it is, and i can't take it anymore. More and more often i think about the simplicity of ending it, but then think about the hurt that it would cause to people in my life. I've tried seeking help but it has not come through and i don't know what to do anymore.

My Feelings and Story.

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I'm cameron. I'm currently 19 years old and think i'm depressed/emotionally dead. i have felt this way since i was 12 at least. I'm not to sure if i belong here but obviously i felt something when i saw the menstherapy youtube ad and dec... View more

Hi everyone, I'm cameron. I'm currently 19 years old and think i'm depressed/emotionally dead. i have felt this way since i was 12 at least. I'm not to sure if i belong here but obviously i felt something when i saw the menstherapy youtube ad and decided to look into it some more. which feels like a warning sign to me. The main reason why i'm not sure if i'm depressed is because this is how i have always felt for as long as i can remember... What comes to follow is a short summary of the events that have led me to where i am today. This will most likely turn out to be rather long as this spans over a couple of years. During My last year of highschool i was in a emotionally unhealthy relationship with a slightly older girl. This relationship only went on for a few months and the feelings in the relationship were mostly from me. she ended up cheating on me and we broke up. However she was my first and what to me feels like love i think is just that special connection of her being my first. given how it has died for the most part by now. Over the 3 years since then each year we have had a more than friends, less than lovers period lasting a few months each time. I feel this is part of the reason why i have lingering feelings despite knowing they won't be returned. The main reason for me liking her is that we are mentally alike and have the same interests. we also have the same way of thinking which is something i have not found with anyone else. To this day i still spend time with her/talk to her. I have been stuck in the same job for 4-5 years which is a dead-end job disguised as an opportunity for expansion in the company. Some of the signs i have read online and on mental health tests are ones i do have. I take over an hour to fall asleep and even then i rarely sleep for more than 6-7 hours, I feel no joy from hobbies and activities i used to love, I have mentally classified my self as A-sexual due to my lack of interest in sex and in relationships it being only for her. I do not enjoy spending time with friends and family, I spend most of my time alone except for work. My eating habits have changed recently to me only eating one large meal a day. I always feel exhausted and never feel motivated to do anything. One thing i have found out about myself over the past year is that i DO like being social and spending time with friends. The problem for me is i dislike 99% of people and find them fun to spend time with for half an hour at most. I have one friend who i spend time with and even that has become dull now. I do not drink or do drugs which is one thing in my favor however. I also do think about my death a few times a week. not in a suicide way but more of a how would i like to die/best way to do. For example i decided if i was going to die in a car crash and i was with a girlfriend,family member or friend i'd like to die in their place - protecting them. Thinking of your death is usually a red flag but i feel this is slightly different as there are no ill thoughts in it. I'm almost sure i have left out some events that would of led me to where i am today and my stories have many more details and are much more complex however for now i think this will do... I guess this is just me looking for someone to tell me yes i am depressed and to seek professional help or to say no i'm not. Thankyou for listening, and for any advice that i receive. I will most likely post more of my story in nights to come. To me a story half told cannot be reviewed properly. I think all details regarding my situation should be given before any judgements of me should be made. However there are no more up sides in it, things only go down.

I've given up and have no idea how to get back up.

replies: 3

I told a girl who is a friend of mine about the girl I like and to find out who she likes. She got back to me today telling me she likes someone else. I'm really upset and was confident that she liked me back (having a gut feeling she likes me). She ... View more

I told a girl who is a friend of mine about the girl I like and to find out who she likes. She got back to me today telling me she likes someone else. I'm really upset and was confident that she liked me back (having a gut feeling she likes me). She has been showing me signs, and even today after her friend told me she liked someone else, I feel like I'm getting signs she likes me back. I had previously asked out a girl who had lied about wanting to go out with me (about 3 months ago), the girl I like found out I had asked out a girl from the news passing around my school, but she doesn't know she lied. Today the girl I like now has been showing me signs of liking me even though I found out from her friend that she likes someone else. The signs are below... She has looked/stared at me a little throughout the day I was talking about a school project she had done and after I said something she laughed and said lol.( I didn't say anything funny) I showed my friend my school photo and he showed it to the girl I like and she said "Awwwwwwww [Nickname her and her friend came up with]. (As she said the nickname, she stretched the length of the name). My friend told the girl I like to take the photo home and put it on her wall. The girl I like replied saying "Its [my name]'s, He should have it" She has given me many other signs previously but these are the signs she has shown today after her friend told me she likes someone else. I'm not sure what to do. Please Help?

am over it all

replies: 1

my whole life I have grown up not knowing my father fighting with my mother almost every day but she was the only one I had at the age of 8 and a half familys SA took me away from my mum and I lived with my grandparents for a bit and then back to my ... View more

my whole life I have grown up not knowing my father fighting with my mother almost every day but she was the only one I had at the age of 8 and a half familys SA took me away from my mum and I lived with my grandparents for a bit and then back to my mums and I was back and forth between my mum and my grandparents till the end of year 8 when I moved in with my mum and her boyfriend about 5 months after my mum ended up in hospital for 3 weeks and I ended up living with one of her friends for about 6 months when she kicked me out I lived with a friend for a month and then moved back in with my mum not coping with the fighting all the time I then ran away and moved in with another family friend. the other family friend had 3 other kids living at home and after about 2 school terms (about 8 months) I couldnt deal with the full house. I then moved into a youth shelter. due to my iceskating I could not make it home before cerfue and got kicked out I spent a month on the street and then moved in with my god parents they said I have to go to school but as I had been to 7 schools before I said I was okay at going to another high school but I am finding it really hard to to make new friends and settle in. I self harm often due to not being able to cope and I often think of ending my life I have no one to talk to most of the time :'( I have not been to the Dr because I am scared of what people will say if I start taking pills or if people find out I am depressed I might get bullied more :'( thanx for reading my story

my life

replies: 64

Originally posted by: rebekah on 30 December 2012basally Ive been bullied my whole life my parents complain that im never happy but when ever they speak to me i start crying my mum doesn't understand my life she found out i harm myself and she keeps ... View more

Originally posted by: rebekah on 30 December 2012basally Ive been bullied my whole life my parents complain that im never happy but when ever they speak to me i start crying my mum doesn't understand my life she found out i harm myself and she keeps making stuiped comments like ''you should focus on work in class instead of harming'' or ''you stuiped bitch you think your so cool because you harm'' i can't take school any more i cant that my parents its just to much i just want to barry my self in a hole . even at school i get called emo and attention seekers half the time from a girl who harms her self and she told me she does it for attention so why call me an attention seeker half the time when people yell about my teachers here do go so good after that.

The Ongoing Battle

replies: 4

Hi guys, never done this before, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I all of a sudden remembered hearing about it, hopefully I can find some help!! I'm 19 years old and was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and OCD 2 years ago, however discovering wha... View more

Hi guys, never done this before, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I all of a sudden remembered hearing about it, hopefully I can find some help!! I'm 19 years old and was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and OCD 2 years ago, however discovering what it was made me realise how much longer I've had it for. Everyday I get some effect in one form or another. From something randomly making me feel like I have nothing to look forward to (which is more horrible than first thought), to becoming anxious of things people dont usually get scared of (This is something I would never give to anyone if I could, it is that bad at its extremes). I've been going to a psychologist and psychiatrist for over two years now to mix therapy with anti depressants. While I can say the therapy has helped me in some ways and has made me become a fighter and think rationally, I still experience depression and anxiety more frequently than ever and it gets harder everyday when to starts to become your life. Also I've changed medication three times and increased the dosage many times which has had almost no effect and just makes me feel bad as my parents have to buy it. So although it looks like I'm doing well to everyone else, inside I feel the same pain that I have for years. Everyday something I like doing becomes unfavourable all of a sudden, something that gives me happy feelings disappears, everyday something will stress me out whether It be knowing the tafe teacher is going to crack it at a student, or nothing at all in some cases. My coping mechanisms as well which include music and talking to friends about this stuff has been making less of an effect, like I'm wasting fuel or something like that. Also I hold it in a lot cause my mums got her own problems, and even though she said we can talk whenever, it makes me feel bad. I just want to see if anything else can be done. I dont feel normal, and when I get low like this, it feels like nothing is working. If anybody has anything to say, please your more than welcome to. And I also am up to helping people anytime if I am able to, I dont like seeing people go through this and just live with it.

Feeling distant and need to let this out.

replies: 2

So I suppose some backstory is needed for this. I'm a male in Uni currently, with a family who I am very close to, and was bullied all through both Primary and High school. The way I ended up dealing with it was self deprecation using the idea that i... View more

So I suppose some backstory is needed for this. I'm a male in Uni currently, with a family who I am very close to, and was bullied all through both Primary and High school. The way I ended up dealing with it was self deprecation using the idea that if I got to myself first, the bullies wouldn't enjoy it enough to continue, and it worked for a time. They stopped calling me names, throwing insults my way but it became more physical bullying over the years. Not violence, but things like petty theft of my belongings.It all started to subside around Year 9, and I thought I was getting control over myself. Begin Year 11. I'd been having migraines for a month that were only diagnosed as headaches until I was brought into the ER by my parents for uncontrollable vomiting and possible hallucinations and the nurses and doctors couldn't wake me up the next day. The actual problem was abscesses and they had to be operated on immediately. It was a potentially life-threatening illness that could have left me with serious brain damage even if I survived, and yet I appear to have pulled through with no long term side-effects. It's left me with a bit more perspective on how fragile life is. Fast forward about 2 more years and I'm dead-set that I'm not going to get into a relationship until I finish my formal education (Year 12/Uni). Like a lot of stories, this one of course contains a girl. Come Year 12, my High School did a "retreat" type activity for students where the year level broke off into groups and then into smaller groups and spent a week at a holiday destination bonding together. This girl and I had been becoming fast friends over the 4 or so months prior to this and we were paired together in both groups. Despite what I was certain of, she just seemed too perfect a woman and so we went out for a time. A year later, a series of events destroys my emotional health and dredges up all the self deprecation I took part in in my youth that ruined my self esteem. What had happened was this; Around December my father was thought to have stomach cancer, and in January he was officially diagnosed as having it at stage 4 (At that point all they try to do is take the pain away until you die), then in February, my (now) ex-girlfriend of 11 months breaks up with me on Valentine's Day because I had been saying things I didn't mean about her family (Though it did sound like I meant them to everyone else at the time) and then not a week later a person who I considered a friend told me that he had invited me to his 18th only because he felt he had to and that he didn't actually want me to come and that nobody liked being around me. After speaking a little with a few people, the conclusion is that I have been a very annoying person to be around. I have a tendency to speak truths that others would rather keep hidden or ignored, and my sarcastic and joking manner of speaking certainly doesn't help. Part of that problem is that that's all I've known. My entire family speaks like that, from my parents to my grandparents to my aunts and uncles. It's just the way my family talks. Over the last 6 Months I've been seeing a Psychologist, as I became suicidal. And while things are beginning to look up (I've begun re-establishing contact with a few people I knew from Year 12, I've been adjusting the way I talk and begun thinking through what I'm about to say before I say it, my father is in remission for his cancer, I've patched up the group of people who I considered friends, though it appears the one who told me no-one likes me is the real problem, and my suicidal impulses have been coming much less frequently and someone who I've only spoken to a couple of times on a closed forum and never actually met bought me a wristband for one of our shared favourite bands that he gave me at a meetup) some recent events have left me feeling lost and with the need to vent somewhere where I might get some feedback. The recent events are such; I began feeling distant one night. Not so much emotionally distant or just distant from people, I began feeling distant from reality as though I'm not all there. It felt like I was watching life through a lens that wasn't my own. In those moments I stopped feeling anything, no sadness, no longing, no despair, no happiness, nothing. And life seemed to be a fragile and ultimately worthless thing. My thoughts were along the lines of "Yes, it's amazing life exists at all, but it serves no purpose. We exist for the sake of existing. And life is a line of sadness punctuated by the occasional happy moment which makes the sadness that much worse." The night after that happened as well, I went to a friend's 19th party. I was aware that my Ex would be there, and she was aware I was invited too. I thought I had worked through my feelings for her enough that I could spend the night enjoying myself and not chase after her. And I was only somewhat right. I was able to keep a hold of myself long enough to spend about 2 hours at the party, didn't seek her out at all, but just said a friendly "Hi" in the same way I said it to everyone else at the party. But I had to cut it short, because I feel like I don't have any closure on what happened and would still like to be able to talk it out with her. But I'm torn as I'm also acutely aware that that's quite unlikely to happen. So with the distant feelings starting to come on, coupled with seeing my Ex again when I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was I'm feeling lost again. Thanks for taking the time to read this if you have. I know I have no way of knowing if you did, but it means a lot to me.

I overheard the girl I like say she has a soft spot for some other guy when she has shown signs of liking me and its made me down. :(

replies: 5

The girl I like told her guy friend that she has a soft spot for another guy. Yet she has shown me signs of liking me and it has made me really down and i'm not sure what to do. I was ready to ask her out tomorrow and hearing that has ended it for me... View more

The girl I like told her guy friend that she has a soft spot for another guy. Yet she has shown me signs of liking me and it has made me really down and i'm not sure what to do. I was ready to ask her out tomorrow and hearing that has ended it for me. She has shown signs of interest today of liking me more than friends today but her saying this, i'm not sure anymore. Please help I was waiting with a few guys from my class for other guys and the girl I like suddenly comes in the middle of the guys and looks at me, doesn't really say anything just looks and then tells everyone where the class is and they replied they are in the room. After she went to the classroom. She kept on getting up and changing the heating setting for the heater. She was leaning towards me (I sit behind her) She asked me if I knew what to do for one of the questions we were doing (asked for help. I think she knew what to do though.) while all the guys were hassling her to give answers. She turned her head (like she was looking at her guy friend who is on the same row as me). Instead, I could see her eyes almost/kind of glance at me and she looked back to the front (I caught her). Her friend who sits next to her in class seems to look at me a lot and talks to the girl I like. At recess, I saw the girl I like in her group of friends, looking/staring at me from a distance. Her friend who is in her group and is in another one of my classes was looking at me a little during a lesson. Me and the girl I like are both 18.

Help finding the right support

replies: 3

Me, I'm 20 years old living at home and studying, have 2 older sisters and a younger brother Sooooooo, my mum used to be an alcoholic, it was probably the worst in grade tweve but its been bad since grade 11 up until last year. Mum was never violent,... View more

Me, I'm 20 years old living at home and studying, have 2 older sisters and a younger brother Sooooooo, my mum used to be an alcoholic, it was probably the worst in grade tweve but its been bad since grade 11 up until last year. Mum was never violent, she was just always drunk, i'd come home from school and without fail she'd be passed out on the couch or have a wine glass in her hand ready to get wasted. I guess she was dealing with her depression after she and dad split. Anyway, my sisters went overseas for a year each whilst I was in grade 12, and that's when it got the worst, maybe they were her support system or something, I don't know, but it got bad. I started to get really angry with her, always angry at her when she was drunk, always fighting and she didn't seem to understand why, mostly because I never brought up the drinking, I didn't really know how to, and when I did, whilst she was drunk, she would say awful things, mostly about dad and it was all I could do not to hit her. Last year I decided to confront her about it, this was two years after high school. I built up the courage over time and I was ready, and then she went to rehab. Needless to say I was happy, but it didnt last long, maybe 2 weeks after coming out before she was passed out on the couch again. So I put it on the back burner and got on with life, but it was still eating at me. She went to Bangladesh to visit my sister in May last year, and I was determined to sit down with her and talk to her about how I felt as soon as she got back. When she did, she was in a really good mood, having traveled and seen my sister and I didn't want to ruin that so I told myself I'd wait two days. Went to work one morning with the clear plan that when I got home we would talk and I'd tell her how angry I'd been and that it had to stop. Half way through the day I get a call from my little brother, telling me that mums had a stroke. It was a massive clot that couldn't be removed, she survived and able to walk again pretty quickly, but she cant feel her left side. She's sort of a shadow of the person she was before, shes lost function of almost the whole right hand side of her brain so her memory is bad, her comprehension is bad, her sense of humor, a lot of things. It's a year on and I'm living with her and my younger brother, acting as carer, she doesn't need much help so its not hard but it can be frustrating. The biggest problem I'm having is I'm still so angry at her, I never got to talk to her about her drinking (which has of course stopped entirely) and not got any closure, and now after the stroke it doesn't seem fair on her for me to bring it up. I'm angry at myself for being angry at her, I feel guilty and sick when I think about it, and its starting to take over my thoughts a lot more. I can't talk to my sisters about it because I feel guilty, and because they never saw the worst of her alcoholism they don't understand. I feel like I'm going to snap sometimes, and I find it hard to be anywhere on my own because I jsut think about it all the time and I just get angrier and angrier. I want to be able to find somewhere where I can talk about this to someone, I don't want to see a doctor, I'd prefer a group or something otherwise I'll just feel more alone. There are carer support groups but I don't want to sit in a room with a bunch of aging people talking about the latest in therapy technology or how to look after my mum, I know that sounds insensitive but It's not what I need, I really just need to vent.

Feeling Lost

replies: 4

This is my first time on this, so I don't even really know where to start. I guess I'm just looking for a non-judgmental outlet. I was bullied severely all but one year of my school life, I never knew different than feeling worthless, never the less ... View more

This is my first time on this, so I don't even really know where to start. I guess I'm just looking for a non-judgmental outlet. I was bullied severely all but one year of my school life, I never knew different than feeling worthless, never the less I kept a brave face all day every day at school and had "friends" if you could call them that. It got so bad that I began self harming just to feel something, it helped bring me back from the dark. I barely remember those days as my brain has seemingly blacked them out. My family is selfish, my mother in particular, she had an awful upbringing in another country where her parents beat her, and while I don't blame her, old habits die hard. She used to hit me with a bamboo stick and drag me by my hair and slap me, sometimes in public, which as a child was embarrassing and I still remember very clearly. More recently I've noticed she seems like two people, one sweet and one extremely violent and nasty. Most days her comments are aimed at me, and I honestly don't meant to sound ungrateful, I have a roof over my head, but the things she says are so beyond nasty they always leave me in tears, and it wouldn't even really hurt that much if I knew she was doing it to everyone, but its only me. She tells me I'm worthless and she hates me and I'm the runt of the family and no one wants me, but the next minute she's forcing me to hug her and pretending it never happened. Sometimes the rest of the family join in and it breaks my heart because I always defend them when she says nasty things about them. I am the youngest and I feel so abandoned by the people I've counted on to love me no matter what. I read somewhere that emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse, I remember reading the signs and symptoms and crying because I knew that was what was happening to me. I'm 20, my self esteem is lower than dirt and I feel so alone, even if I'm in a room full of people, it's the most awful feeling in the world, so I guess that's why I wanted to come on here in the first place. I just don't want to feel alone anymore. I feel so weak needing to go on a site like this because that's what's been programmed into my head. I don't know who I am anymore, people used to tell me I was meant for great things, but now I'm invisible. I was so sure my life was going to be more than this and I hate myself for sounding like such a sook but... I'm completely lost. I'm sorry if this made no sense, but if you made it this far thank you for reading.

Pinned discussions

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

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All discussions

Voices

replies: 2

My Feelings and Story.

replies: 2

I've given up and have no idea how to get back up.

replies: 3

am over it all

replies: 1

my life

replies: 64

The Ongoing Battle

replies: 4

Feeling distant and need to let this out.

replies: 2

I overheard the girl I like say she has a soft spot for some other guy when she has shown signs of liking me and its made me down. :(

replies: 5

Help finding the right support

replies: 3

Feeling Lost

replies: 4

Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

Voices replies: 2

My Feelings and Story. replies: 2

I've given up and have no idea how to get back up. replies: 3

am over it all replies: 1

my life replies: 64

The Ongoing Battle replies: 4

Feeling distant and need to let this out. replies: 2

I overheard the girl I like say she has a soft spot for some other guy when she has shown signs of liking me and its made me down. :( replies: 5

Help finding the right support replies: 3

Feeling Lost replies: 4

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

Voices

replies: 2

My Feelings and Story.

replies: 2

I've given up and have no idea how to get back up.

replies: 3

am over it all

replies: 1

my life

replies: 64

The Ongoing Battle

replies: 4

Feeling distant and need to let this out.

replies: 2

I overheard the girl I like say she has a soft spot for some other guy when she has shown signs of liking me and its made me down. :(

replies: 5

Help finding the right support

replies: 3

Feeling Lost

replies: 4