Young people

Feeling Lost

replies: 4

This is my first time on this, so I don't even really know where to start. I guess I'm just looking for a non-judgmental outlet. I was bullied severely all but one year of my school life, I never knew different than feeling worthless, never the less ... View more

This is my first time on this, so I don't even really know where to start. I guess I'm just looking for a non-judgmental outlet. I was bullied severely all but one year of my school life, I never knew different than feeling worthless, never the less I kept a brave face all day every day at school and had "friends" if you could call them that. It got so bad that I began self harming just to feel something, it helped bring me back from the dark. I barely remember those days as my brain has seemingly blacked them out. My family is selfish, my mother in particular, she had an awful upbringing in another country where her parents beat her, and while I don't blame her, old habits die hard. She used to hit me with a bamboo stick and drag me by my hair and slap me, sometimes in public, which as a child was embarrassing and I still remember very clearly. More recently I've noticed she seems like two people, one sweet and one extremely violent and nasty. Most days her comments are aimed at me, and I honestly don't meant to sound ungrateful, I have a roof over my head, but the things she says are so beyond nasty they always leave me in tears, and it wouldn't even really hurt that much if I knew she was doing it to everyone, but its only me. She tells me I'm worthless and she hates me and I'm the runt of the family and no one wants me, but the next minute she's forcing me to hug her and pretending it never happened. Sometimes the rest of the family join in and it breaks my heart because I always defend them when she says nasty things about them. I am the youngest and I feel so abandoned by the people I've counted on to love me no matter what. I read somewhere that emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse, I remember reading the signs and symptoms and crying because I knew that was what was happening to me. I'm 20, my self esteem is lower than dirt and I feel so alone, even if I'm in a room full of people, it's the most awful feeling in the world, so I guess that's why I wanted to come on here in the first place. I just don't want to feel alone anymore. I feel so weak needing to go on a site like this because that's what's been programmed into my head. I don't know who I am anymore, people used to tell me I was meant for great things, but now I'm invisible. I was so sure my life was going to be more than this and I hate myself for sounding like such a sook but... I'm completely lost. I'm sorry if this made no sense, but if you made it this far thank you for reading.

Really worried that the girl I like doesn't like me back. Please Help.Long Description

replies: 3

So sorry for this really long description. It goes through my problem and why I’m depressed. Some of you might think I’m depressed about a stupid reason but I just hope you understand its difficult for me and I hope you can help. I really like this g... View more

So sorry for this really long description. It goes through my problem and why I’m depressed. Some of you might think I’m depressed about a stupid reason but I just hope you understand its difficult for me and I hope you can help. I really like this girl and it seems she is showing me signs of liking me back. But I’m not sure exactly if she has something back and it’s making me really depressed. I’m falling behind in my schoolwork, can’t concentrate on my schoolwork, not being able to sleep properly, loosing appetite, my parents are always getting angry at me and its due to this situation which makes me upset and i'm always feeling down. No one seems to help me but who ever I try to ask for help from they ask me to ask her out. It’s too hard for me to just ask her out without knowing if she has some feeling towards me. The other problem that has made me upset was that I had asked out a previous girl I liked about a month ago and she lied about wanting to go out with me. Can someone please help me out with the signs she has been showing me and tell me if she likes me back more than friends? SIGNS SHE LIKES ME I had asked out a girl who said yes but lied about wanting to go out with me. The girl I like now was surprised that I asked out a girl saying that I have a girlfriend but now, she doesn't know that the girl I asked out lied. On the same day a boy told me that the girl I asked out was lying about wanting to go out with me. This girl (who I like now) said "Talk to her and find out if she has mutual feeling for you and if she actually wants to go out with you. Just to make sure. She is a nice girl, I don't think she will be lying." saying it with a sad face and tone. On the same day, she said she wondered why guys don't ask her out. (She said this when I was close to her but not directly to me). The day or two after finding out I asked out a girl, she was talking about our essay project to me and another girl. She read one of the paragraphs and she looked at the girl 3-4 times and to me 7-8 times when reading it. I told her that I thought it was a good paragraph and she was smiling a bit. Before she found out I asked out a girl she showed signs that to me told me she likes me... When talking to me about my schoolwork, she touched/tapped my arm and later my back (this has never happened with other girls). Also her hand was close to mine and she didn't move her hand away and when passing pencils and pens to each other, she always made a way for me to touch her hand or her to touch my hand. When in class one time, I sat next to this girl and randomly she asked how many kids I would like to have when older. I said how many my partner wants to have but below a certain amount. Without me asking her she just randomly said she wanted a certain amount of children. She was sitting next to one of her girl friends in the class and she didn't really notice anything happen and the question wasn't directed to her. She talks to me and asks questions about my life (If I have brother or sisters) and random questions (If I can do cross eyes, How many children I want when older, about the sport we both like) She looks at me a lot. She also leans backwards towards me when sitting in class (she sits in front of me). We were talking in a group and I did something and she said we have to have dinner before we go there and was laughing/smiling she yelled my name out in a public place (school excursion) when she was with her girl friends and also in class (when in class she yelled my name out a lot throughout the lesson). It was also someones birthday on that same day as the excursion and her friend offered me some cake and she said that she made it. She also enjoys the sport I like and the girl I asked out doesn’t really talk about the sport. (Seems to have things in common to me) One of her good girl friends stare/look at me in one of the classes I'm in with her. When I walked passed her group, one of her girl friends looked at me as I walked passed. During exams and every time I see her after the exam she looks/stares at me. One time she was in her group and I saw her looking at me but I walked passed her. After I saw her with another guy (might has kissed on the cheek) (this guy has a girlfriend) and she looked at me. The next day of exams, she walked passed where I was standing and her eyes seemed to follow where I was standing. During exams, the girl I like was with her friends stared at me two times. Both times I caught her and she looked away. After, I noticed the girl one of her friends looked at me along with the girl I like, I caught them and they looked away and carried on talking. Then I caught of her friends looking at me, I caught them and they looked away. When the girl I like and her friends looked at me, they didn’t laugh or smile at me. They just looked at me, looked away and continued talking to each other. A guy did something to annoy her and she looked back at me. When we reached a fairly open space, she started to walk slowly like she wanted me to talk to her. As she walked passed my group, I noticed her glance in my direction. When she passed by my group going back to her group, she looked at me clearly. This happened when she was with her girl friend. I sat in front of her in a lecture and could feel her foot rubbing/touching my chair. When walking out of the lecture, I saw her friend smiling when walking next to me. SIGNS SHE IS SHOWING WHICH CONFUSE ME The girl I like was with her friend and was walking in the direction I had to walk, when they noticed I was walking the same direction, they walked the other way. Another day, there was a school lecture and the girl I like now asked where the lecture was and I wanted to know which subject lecture she was going to go to. I knew the answer to it and she said the direct opposite. I then spoke to a few boys about the sport which I like and the girl I like also likes. The boys stopped talking and the girl I like (girl 2) said "Don't Stop, I'm listening" and I spoke to her about getting the tickets to the match and a boy told me that the girl I like always talks about the sport and that I should invite her to the match. She just smiled and didn't say anything. After, she asked me what the lecture was about and said she was going to the one I was going to. On the way to the lecture she was walking with me. When we reached the venue for the lecture, she sat down on a stair and crossed her legs with the leg crossed over facing me. At this time she was speaking about her project marks and then about watching a few boys play rugby at our school carnival after she played her sport.

Help with a Friend?

replies: 2

Hi there, I made friends with a group of girls who all go to the same school about 3-4 months ago now, and have slowly been incorporated into the group. These girls are all around 15-16 years of age, and I'm a 16 year old guy. They're nice, but all h... View more

Hi there, I made friends with a group of girls who all go to the same school about 3-4 months ago now, and have slowly been incorporated into the group. These girls are all around 15-16 years of age, and I'm a 16 year old guy. They're nice, but all have a culture of low self esteem, self loathing, depression and self harm. The girl who I would consider my best friend in the world, she has hurt herself before - scars on her arms and scars in the shape of words like: "loser" and "fat" on her legs - and consistently is feeling bad/down about something. She constantly misses days off school, her parents are divorced and her mother isn't very assistive or kind. She isn't the smartest around, and doesn't have a good history with schoolwork or academia. The sort of things she talks about are generally why schoolwork is getting her down, whether her "friends" will talk to her, etc. She hasn't hurt herself for a while now (2-3 months) but still talks about it.... I was wondering what I can do to encourage her out of her rut, and get her self-esteem and self-belief up. She's an amazing person, I know it, but she can't see it. All she ever says about herself is that she is "so ugly" and "stupid" and is almost permanently sorry for something. Any advice would be useful... I am stuck and yeah Thanks!

Feeling alone but have everything...

replies: 4

I'm only 21 so most people thing I'm too young to have real issues, but little do people know that I grew up with an alcoholic mum who died at the age of 32, my step mum hates me....my mother in law tells me how ugly I am and dad speaks to me only wh... View more

I'm only 21 so most people thing I'm too young to have real issues, but little do people know that I grew up with an alcoholic mum who died at the age of 32, my step mum hates me....my mother in law tells me how ugly I am and dad speaks to me only when I call him. I have a perfect boyfriend whom I bought a home with a year ago. He is everything to me and yet I'm still not happy....I still need to tell myself everyday that I'm happy and I should be happy. I'm young and happy... Right? No I'm not I'm lonely because he is the only one who cares about me out of so many people that could. What did I ever do wrong to deserve this really? I don't have anybody else to tell but all of you. How sad am I.

Looking for help

replies: 1

Hi, I am looking for some advice/assurance etc about how I am feeling. I'm 21 years old and commenced at university this year and for most of the first semester I had been doing great. Towards the last few weeks I hit a wall and lost all motivation a... View more

Hi, I am looking for some advice/assurance etc about how I am feeling. I'm 21 years old and commenced at university this year and for most of the first semester I had been doing great. Towards the last few weeks I hit a wall and lost all motivation and now this has carried over into my second semester. I feel down, lost and disinterested in it all. I am finding I am getting teary and missing my family a fair bit at the moment. have hardly been sleeping (2-3 hours a night) and when I manage to sleep it is very restless and broken. It has been ongoing for awhile now and am wondering if this is all part of being a uni student or is it something more? If anyone could give me some guidance/help that would be great.

My story/Knowing where to get help.

replies: 2

Hi guys, I am new to Beyond Blue and have decided to try and get my head around everything and try and get help. I think the main thing for me is having other people around me who understand what is going on and may be willing to help. I have a wonde... View more

Hi guys, I am new to Beyond Blue and have decided to try and get my head around everything and try and get help. I think the main thing for me is having other people around me who understand what is going on and may be willing to help. I have a wonderful support network around me but I don't think they understand completely what is going on in my head. Well, here goes. I'm in my mid-20s and a uni graduate who has been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, depression and panic disorder. To sum me up, my personality is strong willed, quite sociable and bold but inside I feel weak, have low self confidence, am emotionally depressed and numb, feel worthless and feel like I'm in such emotional pain all the time. I feel anxious and on edge pretty much all the time.I started feeling depressed early in life but nothing was ever done up till recently to help me out. I was relentlessly bullied all throughout my school life and never sought any help for this despite all the pain, rejection and my tarnished self-confidence. I cried a lot during school and there were a few occasions where I self harmed and decided I didn't want to live anymore. Thankfully I got through my turbulent school years without ever getting help from a trained professional. I decided to study an area in human services because I wanted to help others who had been bullied. Things seemed to fall into place after a while when I went to university and started to have a new found confidence. This was because I was doing very well at university - gaining new friends, socialising, getting good grades. I had a great boyfriend for a few years who was very kind and supportive. After a while though, I burnt myself out with my thesis and ended up not spending enough time with him. On his side though, he was unemployed and didn't seem to be showing any signs of getting his act together. We broke up and I was depressed and devastated. This is where cracks were starting to appear in my apparent new found happiness. Eventually I graduated with an honours degree and decided to go on a long awaited holiday. Unfortunately, the holiday was caught short when I was caught up in a natural disaster overseas. I had to leave all the friends I found overseas because of this traumatic event and never got the chance to come to terms with my losses. I have moved on with my life now but still feel a sense of loss or grief when I think of it. This is when my anxiety and panic started to spiral out of control. I always had gotten the feeling that something was wrong with me but I was never diagnosed and couldn't put my finger on it. The world felt like a miserable and out of control place and I resented and still do resent the lack of control I have. I then came back to Australia after 4 months overseas and decided to get on with it and find a new job. I found a job within 3 weeks of returning and never got to work through my trauma and grief. The job I had seemed good at first but then I realised that it was incredibly stressful and that the workplace was cliquey, judgemental and blaming when something went wrong. This was the kind of workplace where everything that can go wrong in a day does. Because I'm a perfectionist, I didn't cope with this work environment too well but continued on until I started to lose motivation and eventually my sanity. I quit after less than a year and I was close to wanting to go out and commit suicide but it was only the belief of my family and my new boyfriend that kept me going. I decided to seek professional help. This was a big step for me - someone very stubborn who never liked admitting weakness and seeking out help. But I did it, and felt better for a while. I got myself a job I loved and started to see the beauty of life again. Then sadly, I got laid off after 5 months. I took it very badly and again wanted to die. Again, I went to see a psychologist and then went for another trip overseas to escape from everything, including myself. It was a lonely and isolating experience being overseas without my boyfriend and family. It wasn't all bad and I had some amazing experiences but I just wanted to go home. I am now in a new job which is very rewarding (although a bit stressful) but I just had my hours cut last week to almost nothing (one shift a week) and I am again confronting feelings of not being good enough, low self confidence, poor motivation and rejection. I love this job and things seemed to be getting on track again till I had an anxiety issue at work. I decided to inform my supervisor so I could stamp out these problems early on and nip them in the bud. Unfortunately, I think this changed her behaviour towards me and she now treats me as though I'm weak. I think she cut my hours because of these issues even though they aren't affecting my work performance. I am so upset and feel betrayed. I am in a financially bad situation and soon won't be able to afford to pay my rent. I feel a real sense of dejection and have zero motivation to even go out and get a new job and get my life on track. In the past at university, I was a highly motivated student and although I epxerienced anxiety and being down from time to time, nothing ever stopped me from wanting to live my life to the full and have a fulfilling life. Now I am just a totally different person - I have lost the will to care, to plan for the future and have really lost the will to live. This makes me feel guilty because I have an amazing partner and family but they don't understand what I'm going through. I am severely depressed but they just seem to think I'll "come right". "You'll come right", they say - I'm in such a bad frame of mind that I will not come right on my own and need help. I need professional help to overcome my personal demons and my poor sense of self worth and try and make myself feel like a normal person again. I think I need some really deep work which will look into my issues of the past and deconstruct a lot of my negative personal beliefs. But I need a good psychologist for that, one that really does understand my past and where I need to go. Where does one start in this journey? I eat well, exercise well and get out and have exciting hobbies but it still doesn't cure my debilitating anxiety and depression. I need guidance, support and someone who really understands where I am coming from. What do I do now? I feel helpless and need to know where to start. Thanks for listening.

"come get pissed" at midday on a saturday..... No thanks

replies: 1

Hi, New person here. So for the last 2 years i've been drifting away from my old friends because they're all addicted to getting drunk and going out. These guys do nothing but party and drink on weekend nights. I can tolerate small amounts of time wi... View more

Hi, New person here. So for the last 2 years i've been drifting away from my old friends because they're all addicted to getting drunk and going out. These guys do nothing but party and drink on weekend nights. I can tolerate small amounts of time with them, but the only time i really see them now is when i feel i want to have a drink (once a month or so) The point of that ^ is that i decided to move. I'm moving countries, don't know where yet. I'll decide on the day. Friends think i'm going on a holiday, family knows and supports the idea. So when you're friends aren't working and things aren't right, go do something you really want to do. I want to travel and meet people with ambition and talent, not drunks and party goers, well i do but not every weekend I'll party if it's your 21st and it's a great party. I know someone will read this and say, "hey, my friends all do that and i'm getting damn bored". Dw i know so many of my friends say it, but the constant drinking problem in Australia is so bad. It's just dumb. But i was friends with them at school and it's now hard for me to meet people outside of that in my area. Moral of the story. Be true to yourself, enjoy your time on this blue planet. I love being alone sometimes, i listen to soundtracks from movies and smile or cry, whichever happens i feel happier after. Find time to love yourself, being alone isn't that bad, you get time to reflect on all the amazing things that have happened throughout your life. And if you're finding it hard to find amazing things to remember, than it's time to get off your butt and start making some J

How do I help my daughter who is very down

replies: 4

We have a 19 Year old daughter at Uni in the city. She is very lonely and does not like Uni. She lives in a block of flats where no one talks to each other. Lately she has become even more withdrawn and negative. She went to see a doctor for help abo... View more

We have a 19 Year old daughter at Uni in the city. She is very lonely and does not like Uni. She lives in a block of flats where no one talks to each other. Lately she has become even more withdrawn and negative. She went to see a doctor for help about four weeks ago. He suggested meds or a counsellor. She has seen the counsellor three times but has not liked him much. The third visit was on Thursday did not go well. She won't give details of why but she does not like breathing exercises etc. she sounds very low to us and is not responding to our texts and talking in monosyllables when we ring. Please what do we do. She sees little point in anything.

too long.

replies: 2

my name is Cristal ive been battling depression since I was 19 im now 25. From the ages of 18 to 21 I was in quite an abusive relationship he would lock me out of the house or throw my clothes in the front yard for me to pick up, this was just the be... View more

my name is Cristal ive been battling depression since I was 19 im now 25. From the ages of 18 to 21 I was in quite an abusive relationship he would lock me out of the house or throw my clothes in the front yard for me to pick up, this was just the beginning. As the relationship went on he started to get physical the occasional shove and even sometimes the odd slap. Things progressed from a slap to punch which coming from a male to quite a petite female would show no matter how hard I tried to hide it. I would go home from spending the weekend with him with a fat lip all because I wanted to do something not just stay home in a dingy smelly house. My mental health was spiralling out of control. I once was this carefree girl who was always smiling and full of confidence to this bare emotionless stranger, I had no idea who I had turned into. Since I ended it I have never been able to trust anyone, gender doesn't matter I just cant trust! I have sabotaged two relationships with a male who treated me nothing like my x did. But how can I get over it all? I have been seeing a psychologist for 12 months now and been taking anti depressents for 4 years and still nothing. is it something im doing wrong? im really at the end of it now and cant take much more.

I really don't know where to put this or who to ask.

replies: 4

Hi, I'm jade. 19yo, I have many problems that I can't work out, the internet hasn't helped me in the slightest. The crux of this all, is that I have no idea whats wrong with me, I'm struggling with testosterone poisoning and in perpetual terror that ... View more

Hi, I'm jade. 19yo, I have many problems that I can't work out, the internet hasn't helped me in the slightest. The crux of this all, is that I have no idea whats wrong with me, I'm struggling with testosterone poisoning and in perpetual terror that my centerlink support is going to drop out from under me. I will sleep, 10 or twelve hours and my partner cannot get me up when I fall asleep; I miss a lot of school this way. I spend my every moment either incredibly upset at something for little reason or simply morose about my lot in life. People talking to me can even set it off. The rest of the time I'm worried about some facet of my life, most often Centrelink or school... Which having started on the 15th of the 7th I've been to one lesson of a 5 day p/week course, having left at the end of the first lesson, having broken into a cold sweat 5 minutes in, yet managed to stay for it, at least. I'm seriously struggling with body dysphoria, intertwined with the need to mutilate myself, but I've been stopped by the presence of my partner, mostly. Out of fear of retribution. I'm having immense problems absorbing new information; people explain how to do things to me and It's as if I can't process the words properly. I listen to every thing they say carefully, but forget even the most simple of new tasks. I'm always moody and slightly upset with my partner, shes never done anything wrong to me. But I simply can't help it. I have no motivational ability, I need food, clean clothes, to call people on the phone... but I can't, I put off eating for days sometimes, just because it would mean going out to buy food, which, is currently the only thing I enjoy, leaving bed is even a chore now. The idea of simply picking up the telephone to talk to someone, fills me with anxiety, I put it off for months when I can, I've gone without power for 8 days just to avoid talking to the power company, until my fish started to die off and my partner did it for me. I have constant sexual desire, not always erect, but I am constantly fantasizing. Trying to relieve this makes my sadness so much worse, often triggering a want to commit suicide. it may have some inception in that; I last for very much less then a minute during intercourse. I used to adore video games, but now I play them not because they're fun, they make me feel worse but, if I don't log in and sit at my desk for people to speak with me, that I'm totally worthless, don't deserve anything, that I'm not getting anything done and that I'm hurting the people I talk to there. I try to quit, but I have panic attacks that I'm letting everyone I know there down by my picture not being in the chat channels. I can't bring myself to clean often, when I can it's for afew minutes before I'm out of breath, angry and in a cold sweat. This means that my floor is covered in a mess of dirty clothes, papers and bottles. I don't need to be happy, I don't need to fix everything wrong its not worth me doing it but I need to be stable so I can try, but I don't know how to do that. I can't even pick up a phone to begin to ask people for help. Please help me.

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New to this Forum? Please read this first!

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Feeling Lost

replies: 4

Really worried that the girl I like doesn't like me back. Please Help.Long Description

replies: 3

Help with a Friend?

replies: 2

Feeling alone but have everything...

replies: 4

Looking for help

replies: 1

My story/Knowing where to get help.

replies: 2

"come get pissed" at midday on a saturday..... No thanks

replies: 1

How do I help my daughter who is very down

replies: 4

too long.

replies: 2

I really don't know where to put this or who to ask.

replies: 4

Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

Feeling Lost replies: 4

Really worried that the girl I like doesn't like me back. Please Help.***Long Description*** replies: 3

Help with a Friend? replies: 2

Feeling alone but have everything... replies: 4

Looking for help replies: 1

My story/Knowing where to get help. replies: 2

"come get pissed" at midday on a saturday..... No thanks replies: 1

How do I help my daughter who is very down replies: 4

too long. replies: 2

I really don't know where to put this or who to ask. replies: 4

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

Feeling Lost

replies: 4

Really worried that the girl I like doesn't like me back. Please Help.Long Description

replies: 3

Help with a Friend?

replies: 2

Feeling alone but have everything...

replies: 4

Looking for help

replies: 1

My story/Knowing where to get help.

replies: 2

"come get pissed" at midday on a saturday..... No thanks

replies: 1

How do I help my daughter who is very down

replies: 4

too long.

replies: 2

I really don't know where to put this or who to ask.

replies: 4