Voices

[Big_Mac]

I suppose I'm here because i need to tell the truth to people who are not close to me, so here goes.

 I have had clinical depression for the past 5 years, and have been on medication for it. It effected my education and my HSC results and was probably one of the hardest times of my life so far (i am 21). Even though that happened i had an alright time over the past year and a half, as normal as any other person, working, hanging out with friends and just living. 

 About six weeks ago, after a family event, on the drive home by myself i thought i heard someone talk to me. I looked around for who it was and thought that maybe it was someone outside of the car when i was stopped at the lights and didn't really think any more about it.

When i got home however, i was watching something on TV and once again heard someone say "Hello" to me. Once again i looked around for the person who was speaking to me, but could not find anyone. By this time, i was starting to freak the hell out.

 Suddenly someone started yelling a young woman starting yelling "NOO" over and over again and it was then that i realized that this yelling was not from someone who was real. Over and over again for about 3 hours was this voice of a young woman yelling NOO. I didn't know what the hell was going on as nothing like this has ever happened to me before so i went and lay in my bed sobbing pounding on the side of my head with my hand.

 That was the first time i started hearing voices, although now that i think about it its probably the first time i realized that this voice was not real.

 I was scared shitless so i confided in a friend who then said that i should go and talk with a doctor, which i did, and he referred me to a psychiatrist. For the past week and a half i have been ringing this doctor trying to make an appointment but just get the answering machine every time and i have left 4 messages. 

 As i said it has been about 6 and a half weeks since i starting hearing her, and she talks to me at different times about different things. The majority of the time they are nothing bad, but none the less, can be scary and quite confusing hearing someone who does not exist.

 On Friday night she was saying extremely bad things about me, which drove me to think about killing myself. I broke down and was sobbing at home, and considered going to the hospital but went to sleep for the night (which gets rid of her).

I'm trying to live my day to day life as if nothing is wrong, but it is, and i can't take it anymore. More and more often i think about the simplicity of ending it, but then think about the hurt that it would cause to people in my life.

I've tried seeking help but it has not come through and i don't know what to do anymore.

[Ruth_M]

Hi Big Mac,

Welcome to the forum! It sounds like you are going through a really difficult time right now, and good on you for reaching out for support via a psychiatrist and on this forum. Have you managed to get an appointment as yet?

We're concerned to hear about your difficulties with accessing help, especially if you are experiencing voices telling you to harm yourself and you are having thoughts of suicide. If it is taking some time to get onto this private psychiatrist, its important to know that every region in Australia is covered by its own public mental health crisis service, who you can call for assistance. They can help assess what is going on and what support may be required. To get onto your crisis service, you can telephone your nearest hospital and be put through to them 24 hours a day. Also, you can call our beyondblue Support Line on 1300 22 46 36 and speak with one of our counsellors. They can also help get you in contact with the right local service, and are great just to talk to if you are struggling with your thoughts.

It's really good that you are seeking some support for this, please don't give up. With treatment these experiences can go away and it won't always feel this hard. We hope you keep us posted with how you go.

With best wishes

beyondblue moderation team

[geoff]

dear Big Mac, I'm really serious when I say this, as this site is honest and we do get a laugh from people especially David Charles who is the main instigator, however you may have a 'sixth sense'.

Why don't you go along and have a talk to a 'psychic medium' or do a seance.

The interpretation is up to the person who may or may not accept it. Geoff.