I'm currently unsure of the decisions I've made. I recently broke an agreement that costs me my entire savings. It took a lot out of me to break that agreement, because I thought it was the right decision for me in the long run. Yet now I find myself digging a deeper hole than ever and it made me rethink whether I made the right decision or not. I don't think I predicted the consequences would be this difficult and now I'm living through it. I'm too afraid to ask for help out of fear of others would judge me for my decisions. Some people have judged, with good intentions because I know what they were saying is true. However, a part of me just refuse to acknowledge it and feel hurt by it. I would just proceed to shield myself from doing the things they told me to do.
Some people told me things on what to do and I let them. I hate that I let them. When I show some sign that I don't want to do it, they would tell me that I'm indecisive and that it's immature for me to do so. I overthink about it. Maybe I am immature. Maybe I should just follow through one decision, no matter how much I feel like I change my mind. They say it's for the best for me. I doubt it, but I never say anything. So I kept swallowing everything and kept things to myself.
I wonder if anyone have ever felt this way? I'm only turning 21 this year and I still don't understand how adult-ing works. I feel like some people makes me feel like I'm not doing enough or just too immature with my decisions. I don't know how to break the chains from them and take over control.
