3 Years anxiety free... then Bam. It's back. Help!

[bandaid]

I'm booked into a psychologist for this one.. but the appointment is not for another 2 months, so reaching out to my similarly-conflicted online fellows to see if I can get some short term advice!

Anyhow, here's my back story. Always felt like a bit of an alien growing up, frequently had severe bouts of depression or anxiety. The first time it got particularly bad was when I was about 11 and took a whole bunch of pills. Fortunately, nothing lethal and I snapped out of that soon after. Through my younger years, probably up until I was about 19 it was always depression.. but after that anxiety made it's way up the ladder of annoying things my brain does. 19-21(ish) was a massive battle for me, I was never particularly happy, crowds started freaking me out, I withdrew from friends and started drinking a lot more.. amongst other mild substances. Got in with the wrong crowd. Was generally an epic mess. Nothing in particular was triggering it. It got pretty dark for me sometimes, got hooked on benzodiazepines and I'm fair sure if I wasn't taking those, I would have ended up in hospital many times. 

After a solid year and a half of that, I saw a psychologist who specialises in Aspergers. Whilst I didn't get diagnosed with it, she said I had many personality traits that are similar and learning about the disorder may help me. And oh boy, it did. It took a year, and a lot more struggle, but through studying it and my own sheer will, I got through it. The anxiety was gone, I did it without any form of drugs, prescription or other. 

The next few years were incident free, only very minor bouts but I pulled myself out of them just as soon as they started. Until about a month ago. I've been single for the past few years, dated a few times but nothing that ever really got my emotions moving. 3 months ago, at 24, finally felt like I was ready to cross that bridge and let someone else in. So I did. Great guy. 2 months go by, no worries. Month #3... I'm a mess. The slightest minor slip up on his behalf, something so petty that I shouldn't have even thought about 2 seconds after it happened.. But.. it just snowballed from there. And it's bad. 

I don't want to screw this up, and I'm thinking a 2-month wait for the appointment might just be a bit too long for both of us to handle. If anyone has any advice or tips, just in the short term to help me keep my crap together.. You will have my biggest thanks. 

.. Sorry about the wall of text. I like writing. 

[Neil_1]

 Dear bicciesmurf

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.  Also gotta say that I love your name – a very unusual and interesting one.  Quite thought provoking, which is always good.  🙂

 It sucks big time firstly to go and seek out assistance, only to be told that you can’t get in for 2 months.  That IS a long period to wait.  Just with regard to this, are there alternatives for professional assistance where you live?  Not sure if you know, but on this website, Beyond Blue have a list of GP’s that can be searched for – and the thing with these GP’s is that they specialise in dealing with mental health issues – and as a result, can make referrals to an appropriate psychologist/psychiatrist.  Just a thought.

It sounds like you’ve had to deal with and battle through your depression and anxiety for such a long time, and pretty much by yourself as well – which is a very hard thing to do.  I’m so pleased that you’re seeking out alternative modes of assistance here. With regard to this latest situation with this guy – it’s a difficult situation for us to try to advise – but if it’s ok to ask a couple of questions that might assist in determining more about it all.  You say the first two months were fine.  Good.  🙂  

 The 3rd month has come and has seemed to trigger something within you about the relationship.  Has there been anything that you can put your finger on that has changed recently?   Um, it might be a silly question, but have you moved in together?   Has he expressed anything to you that might be a little scary to you at this stage (ie:  any long term future plans, etc).  Just trying to seek out something that may have happened that might have had an effect on you towards him?? 

 Ps:  it was great what you posted and no way was it a wall of text – if you hang around here for a while, you’ll soon see what Great Walls of Text look like – just follow my posts – I tend to get very carried away – hence I think why Beyond Blue put a 2,500 character limit on posts – to stop me from rambling.  This is of course possibly not true, but I do tend to like to type an awful lot.

Anyway dear bicciesmurf, would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[AGrace]

Hi bicciesmurf,

I'm glad that you chose to reach out to the forums, and I can see Neil has asked a few very relevant questions. I also wanted to ask what strategies have you personally used in the past? And of those, which one's helped?

Have you been able to discuss with this lucky guy how you are feeling? It could even be a bit of pressure surrounding the fact that you've finally let someone in, and now you want it to work, because you don't want it to fail???

There are a lot of helpful techniques for anxiety. One is CBT. Have you tried this technique before? It can be more helpful when done with a Psychologist, but you can certainly have a go at doing it on your own. Definitely worthwhile researching online.

In the past I've also found some of the techniques and workbooks on the Centre for Clinical Intervention's website very helpful. Their workbooks actually let you put into practice what you're learning.

Have you also tried mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation? Two more techniques worthwhile giving a go. Have a look online, or on youtube. There are a lot of apps you can download, and also a number of youtube clips.

I hope this is helpful, but I'd be keen to find out what works for you?

AGrace