Wondering what comes next?

[Orchid-Rose73]

Hi, this is my first time here on the forum, so I'm not really sure if I am in the right spot to talk about what's on my mind.  Anyway...here goes.  I'm a carer for a parent who has a chronic medical condition.   What has been invading my thoughts lately is....what comes next for me...when I am no longer caring for my loved one?  I am pretty much on my own...I don't socialise, have no friends that are near me and my other family members have families of their own to care for.  I wonder what my purpose will be?  What is there for me?  I am already in my 50's and have been single since forever and never had any children...just my furbabies.  But when they are no longer with me...I will truly be...alone.  The idea of being totally alone frightens me at times and my only thoughts that invade my mind is...the bad ones.  Ones that I have battled in the past to keep at bay.  But...even though I have tried so hard to not have those thoughts...they still come to me...especially when I feel like I have no purpose when I am no longer caring.  I know others have bigger issues than myself and I definitely don't like burdening others with my troubles...but sometimes it gets hard not to think about it.  I guess I should bury those thoughts for now...as I am needed.  

[Croix]

Dear Orchid-Rose73~

Welcome here to the forum, I'm glad you came here as other will have very similar problems and just the same doubts and fears. It is certainly the right place.

At the moment you are caring for your parent, which in my experience is a loving but very hard and time consuming thing, it can basically take up an awful lot of one's life. That being the case it can be hard to see beyond that when a parent has to be placed in an aged care home, or sadly passes away.

It is precisely because it can be a hard road that makes me think you have strengths you may not have considered. You certainly have plenty of love - you talk of your fur babies - and you have the fortitude and endurance to care for you parent.

You also need company - not to be alone. something most of us need too.

As someone a fair bit older than you 🙂 when I look back I can see that basically life is in stages, and maybe I've been lucky but as one door closes on an episode naother opens (sometimes by itself, sometimes when I've gone looking)

What I'm tying to say is have confidence in yourself you will cope.

May I ask do you have any other family or friends you are in contact with?

Sadly fur-babies do not live as long as we do, and that is the downside of all the love they give us. I do think may people make a mistake. They feel when their animal companions pass away they will not get more, and cite the idea that they will maybe not live long enough for the new pets to have a full life.

In fact there are so many in animal shelters and pounds that have no future at all unless rescued. To give one of these a good life, even if it is not as long as it might be, is a blessing for both owner and pet. Life is precious.

Now may be the time to sow the seeds for what will come after you are no longer looking after your parent. Do you have any ideas?

Croix

[Orchid-Rose73]

I have 3 older brothers....but they have families of their own to look after.  I don't want to burden them with my issues, when they have issues of their own.  Same as with friends....they have families and friends of their own.  It's not right to burden them...so I keep my distance and only contact occasionally. 

I have tried to make friends closer to home...but it's hard cause I'm not much for socialising.  The only things I find that help me is my hobbies...my furbabies and my love for my parent that I care for.  But I know that once I don't have those anymore...well...there's not much for me.

I had somewhat of an idea of what I wanted to do after I was no longer looking after my parent - but it wasn't a good one.  Mainly had those thoughts because...there was no longer a purpose for me.  I know it's not an answer to it...because life has so much to offer...but I fear the loneliness will swallow me up and it will be my only escape from it.  Sorry if I sound so morbid...I don't mean to be...it's just the way I feel at times. 

[geoff]

Hello Orchid-Rose, you are not troubling us at all, as everybody caring for someone or actually suffering from a type of depression ha their own type of problems that need help with.

Perhaps for starters you could type this in your search bar 'help for carers of mental health patients' as there are different sites you could contact for help.

When you are alone it takes a great adjustment but first you have to cope with being alone as your life takes on another dimension, but there will be much that has to done before this can happen.

This loneliness will actually make you look at other activities or friendships that you may be interested in, but it takes time so it won't happen all of a sudden.

Contact the link I sent you, because you wouldn't be the first person feeling this way.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Orchid-Rose73]

Thanks Geoff.  I have linked into the Carer Gateway and arranged some counselling.   First session is Monday.  I've just be down lately and it's been making me think of my future.

I guess I have been a little overwhelmed lately and the person I used to talk too is longer available to chat.  So...I've been bottling a lot.  Hopefully I'll be able to get some of that stuff out of my mind during my counselling sessions.  Thanks again. 😊 

[Croix]

Dear Orchid-Rose73~

I'm glad you are taking charge, first by coming here, and now by following TonyWK's suggestion and arranging counseling.

Just the fact you are in charge, and not just reacting and accepting what life is handing you makes a huge difference, you can see yourself in a different light. When I was invalided out of my occupation and just sat at home I felt I had no purpose, however after been persuaded to study I found I had a new one, and that led on to other things. I have a full life now (I'm not suggesting that study is the answer for others, but taking charge in whatever area does help a lot).

Croix

[Orchid-Rose73]

Thanks Croix.  Studying is good.  It's a way of learning new skills and finding new things to be interested in...that's how I see it.  I'm glad that studying helped you.  And yes...I feel the counselling will help me heaps.  Thanks.

[quirkywords]

Orchid rose I like your name.

Croix and Geoff have given you helpful suggestions.

I just want to say welcome to the forums and that others will relate to your experiences and not feel so alone. 
caring for a parent is rewarding and exhausting.

Thanks for your honesty. 

[Orchid-Rose73]

Thanks, quirky words.  Yes, they have provided me with useful suggestions and I appreciate and thank them for it.

I hope that my counselling will also provide some help when my appointment is due.  Thanks for allowing me to post on the forum.

Thanks!