What future??

[BWingstar]

Hi everyone, thanks in advance for deciding to read this (l really appreciate it, given the pages and pages of threads).

Sooo…I am Heather, I’m 19, and from Sydney. I have been diagnosed with depression, GAD and social anxiety since l was 12, and was only just recently diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder and PTSD (there aren’t any forums for bipolar disorder, so apologies if l am not supposed to be mentioning this?).

Over the year’s I have continuously struggled with the idea of me even having a ‘future’ - I know that may sound weird…but basically if I ever think about what my future holds I feel sick with dread, anxiety and doubt.

I deferred uni after being diagnosed with bipolar type 1 earlier this year, and have been calling in sick for work (which is only casual) over the last weeks because I was getting flashbacks, panic attacks and severe anxiety when working. So without my job, uni, or any social activities, l have found that haunting feeling of dread about my future returning again. I really don’t know what l am supposed to do or how to even approach my problems.

It’s like l’m sitting at the bottom of this giant rubbish heap, and l can barely grasp on to anything…let alone climb high enough to even see the top. I know what a psychologist may suggest; exercise, socialisation, distraction, cognitive behavioural therapy etc…but I am SO incredibly anxious and l feel like l am a lost cause. My social anxiety, has become significantly worse…and is only being reinforced by my absence of social interaction. I want to be able to make productive steps but anything that involves leaving the house on my own and being independent in any way causes me exorbitant amounts of anxiety. There’s also the issues of the bipolar, my PTSD, and panic attacks. I wish l could talk to other people who have experienced this (if any people have?) and just know that l am not alone in this feeling and that l will be ok.

Any advice, tips or success stories would be greatly appreciated.
Thankyou so much for reading this xx

[Summer Rose]

Hi Heather

Welcome to the bb forums. This is a special place, full of support, advice and kindness, filled with people who care and understand. I'm really glad you posted.

The notion of a future is somewhat elusive when you're struggling with serious health issues like you are and I understand your concern. You are not alone.

My daughter became suddenly ill with OCD and anxiety at the age of 13. It was like a freight train crashed through her world and destroyed it. She lost everything--school, friends, music, sport and art. At times she was so depressed that she really believed there was no point in staying with us on this planet. She could see no future. I couldn't bring myself to think about the future. We lived day by day, sometimes moment by moment.

That was seven years ago. Today she is in recovery. She graduated high school in the top 25% of our state, attends university, dreams of being a world class architect and is very much in love with a wonderful young man who is studying medicine. She still has wobbly days but she will be okay because she knows how to manage her illness.

The years in-between were a roller-coaster ride full of highs and lows and the emotions--whether it was sadness, pride, joy or anger--often left me feeling raw and utterly exhausted. Healing and learning to live with a mental health condition is tough. But it can be done. Believe that.

You don't have to know at present what you are "supposed to do now". It's okay to focus on getting through each day. But I do think it would help if you had some support. I encourage you to reach out to your GP or treating practitioner (if you have one). One foot in front of the other, one step at a time, you will get there.

Feel free to keep posting, it helps