Too old and ugly to be loved

[Kalgal]

I'm approaching 60 and have been single for 6 years. I recently started online dating, not a good idea for someone like me who has low self esteem and a long history of depression. Whilst I'm trying so hard to not take the rejections personally, I still do. I'm taking a break from the online scene, but the damaging emotional effects are still with me. I feel empty, alone, depressed, ugly and just completely worthless. I just don't know what to do now. I want to have a male friend but I'm just not good enough. I'm hoping just writing my thoughts down might give me some clarity.

[Artfuldodger]

Firstly, it’s just the depression and low self esteem that’s making you feel ugly!
If you see yourself as ugly will you reject a person you perceive as ugly, who finds you attractive? Stop running yourself down and learn to love yourself!
Uploading a photograph of yourself onto a dating site at the mercy of millions of people judging you is not a good idea when you have low self esteem. How can someone love you if you don’t love yourself? Be strong, be in the moment, immerse yourself in a book or a hobby, pamper yourself, learn to be at peace with your own company and one day another loving soul will see you for the beautiful person that you truly are on the inside.
All the images we see on media platforms of other people having fun are all illusions, the truth is: the world is full of lonely people who are not at peace with their own company.
Meanwhile, be strong, you are not alone!

[Proud_Purple]

Hi Kalgal. You have beauty and there is someone out there who is looking for you. They're out there and my well be just as sad they haven't found you yet. Hope keeps me going when I'm in my dark place and hope is the one thing we should never let go of. Hold onto hope and know you are beautiful.

[Ggrand]

Hello dear Kalgal..

A very warm welcome to the forums..

I too have uttered those words about myself...not always though, mainly when I’m in my depressive state...Those words you speak are not coming from you lovely...they are the words of the black dog...always trying to down us, when we are at our weakest...

You say you have been single for 6 years..before you were single, I’m guessing you were in a relationship and your partner saw and felt a beautiful person...I don’t know why you are single now...(you can share only if you want to)..but at one time someone saw the true beauty that is in your heart and soul...both inside and out....and that’s what really counts dear Kalgal..

I have been single for 7 years...(my husband passed away)..at first the loneliness was unbearable..I don’t want another partner as my husband was a very nasty narcissistic man...and now I’m afraid of men..so I needed to accept my aloneness...and learn to care for me, like me for who I am....Volunteering my services had me meeting different people...

I don’t like online dating..well what I know of it...and I agree with what Artfuldodger has mentioned..it’s mainly all fake happiness..

Maybe take a break dear Kalgal, and instead of online dating, maybe try to join groups that holds an interest for you, volunteering, walking groups..something that you can meet different people at...

We are all uniquely different and beautiful...Please try hard not to down yourself..know that you are beautiful inside and outside...will lift your self esteem and add a lovely shine to your soul which radiates through you to others..

Talk here anytime you feel up to it...We are here for you dear Kalgal..with our care..

My kindest thoughts and most caring wishes..

Grandy..

[Emmen]

Dear Kalgal,

From that post, I imagined a beautiful person who just thought the worst about herself. To get out there at near 60 and put yourself on a dating site? That's courage! I do agree online dating has its way of making all of us feel unwanted and ugly at times - I've felt that way before too when the rejections came. But guess what? People rejecting you say more about them than about you. They couldn't recognise a genuine person when they met one, they were probably hoping for an 'ideal' who doesn't even exist in real life.

I agree with Grandy that you should try other means of meeting people. It's easy to reject someone online (especially when you've never met them). Actually meeting people in real-life in interests groups or volunteering may help you meet people who better appreciate who you are.

Kindly,
M

[quirkywords]

Kalgal

welcome to the forum and thanks fir starting this thread.

You have received many supportive and helpful replies.

I was in my late 50s when I went on online dating. The reality is at our age there are lots more women than men. I would get upset when I would not get a reply. So I decided I wouldn’t bother. A few months later I received an email from my now partner.

everyone has a different experience but it was bad for my self esteem.

If you have a passion or hobby and could join a class or group. I know it is hard with covid but there are on line classes.

You are good enough.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Kalgal, welcome.

As Proud Purple said, the depression, etc. makes you feel ugly. I understand the feeling.

I'm sorry you can't find someone, I hope you do one day. Beauty is within anyway. I don't even know you but I don't think you're old and ugly.